[hubble]

Is it possible to be depressed but not feel overly down or sad? I keeping thinking I have trained myself to push those feelings out of my mind, but they must be manifesting themselves in other ways because (to my mind) anyone asking me for my symptoms (and of course not hearing me say "I don't feel depressed") would conclude I am.

1. Since an illness a year ago (that was treated) that caused lingering fatigue I attributed to that illness and a bunch of false guidance from doctors made me question what was the cause of this fatigue since them. I was lead to believe my fatigue was part of my "recovery" which some said could take a year (even though the illness was treated and proved gone my repeated blood tests)

2. I am somatically hypervigilent. I spend a great deal of time especially in the last 3 months trying to figure out why out of nowhere I got "worse" and analyzing my symptoms.

3. Been to the ER twice in the past two months, which was really I guess was panic attacks had every test under the sun,...cardio, pulmonary, endocrine, autonomic, blood tests, negative.

4. I have been homebound with fatigue (or what I term constant energy drains) only leaving to go to the doctors (where I strangely feel well until I head home) for almost 3 months!

5. Along with constant fatigue, I yawn all the time, and constantly have chills in my back and very body cold (and body temp) in the AM.

6. I spend ALL my time trying to "distract" myself from my symptoms either noodling on my computer or playing video games. For over a year I haven't been to a family function, spent anytime with people doing anything fun...because I was focused on my "recovery". I did attend classes part-time in the winter and when I was there I always felt "better".

7. ANYTHING that can be seen as a passive activity, like riding in a car, reading a book, even shaving makes me "feel" worse and drained, like the mental "air space" that provides just makes room for me think about my symptoms.

8. The doctors all have clearly pointed to an anxiety component (they call it autonomic overexcitation -- akin to PTSD) where I only feel well when (say) driving fast in the left lane, playing an intense video game, and strangely again going to doctors and getting tests.

9. I enjoy eating, but I have a energy drain right after and sometimes almost fall asleep. I took my first leisure walk today first time in 6 months to push myself, felt fine, but I came home and (of course) crashed.

Give all that, is depression a "diagnosis by exclusion" here ???

I have been prescribed Lexapro (4 days in) of course no effects yet, but I am worried that it will only help my anxiety and not my sleepiness and fatigue.

Thank you for your input.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to contribute here. But I wanted to at least leave a brief reply letting you know I read your post... & I wish you well...