Hopeless

I'm suicidal again. I don't feel particularly sad because I learnt how to numb my feelings but I can't do this anymore .
Life has been very stressful but I numb myself by distracting myself and doing things that make my situation worse .
I spent all my money in one day. Now I can't let my family find out because they will give me a hard time. I didn't even buy food. That part I don't care because I want to lose weight or maybe I just won't exist any more.
I'm thinking of ways to act on my suicidal thoughts . Everything will stop if I just die . I won't have stress or worry and anxiety . I won't be insecure and self conscious . I won't have to do stupid things to help me stay numb. I won't have to worry about the consequences on my actions and my family getting mad and abusive even though I am an adult. It's time for me . There is no reason for me to stay . I know what the solution is now . An end to it all

I'm a bad person and I always mess up . I am selfish and I don't deserve to live

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Suicide isn't the answer. Don't give in to the thoughts. If you need to make sure you are safe, maybe try calling a helpline. I don't know any but I think there are some somewhere on this site. I've called a few times before. Once was helpful, once wasn't so much. Or go to the ER. At least you will be safe until the thoughts calm down. Hugs if you want them.

You do deserve to live, please don't let the voices of depression tell you otherwise. It gets better. I agree with SlumberKitty about calling a helpline. This is a good site with helpline numbers:

Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide

Here's the hotline number I called before. I finally found it. National Suicide Prevention Hotline. It's a US number--not sure if you are in the US.
1-800-273-8255. Like I said, one time was helpful, another time wasn't but it's always worth a shot. In my community, there's also a walk-in crises center when a person can go if they are suicidal. I've never been there but it's supposed to be an alternative to an ER. When I was evaluated in the ER, the hospital contracted out to the walk-in center so the person doing the evaluation was from the walk-in crises center. I think you don't have to stay as long if you go to the crises walk-in centers. Are you safe? Let us know how you are doing.

Please stay safe, ((cryingontheinside)).

If you brought goods, maybe you could ask to return some of them for a refund.

Everyone makes a bad judgement call from time to time (I've lost count of my collection), so try to be forgiving to yourself.

I'm still here but I don't want to be. I'm trying to think of ways to end it . Thx everyone for your support. They don't have those crisis numbers in England where I live but I don't want help I want it all to end . I do feel guilty that I want to end it . But I just can't cope anymore and can't stay here . I just need to think of a way to make everything gone . I can't think of anything

Your depression is distorting your thinking. Don't put stock, or energy, into these types of distorted thoughts, you are being deceived. Please seek help asap.
Please stay safe.

WC

Hi, I agree with the previous posters too ((((cryingontheinside)))). Please stay strong and fight for your right to live please. These darknesses will soon pass, and just keep chipping away at your problems and situation because people do care, but unfortunately we're all scattered around the globe. Also, maybe look into some kind of support group to attend? I think that would be a good idea. Sending out peaceful energies to you cryingontheinside: Whooosh!

(((((cryingontheinside)))))

Lots of hugs....
Please stay strong. I was in this situation about 10days back....it has started to improve since the last couple of days. I am sure it will pass for you too and you will feel better soon. Please hang in there till it passes.
My ad med, exercising regularly and my friends at PC helped me to survive the crisis.

I found a UK one:

Member Search | Befrienders

Try to stay strong. It doesn't feel like it now, but things do change, and things get better. But you have to stay safe until things get better. Talk to us here on PC and know that there are people out here in the world that care about you and want you to be here. (((hugs)))

I hope you feel better now. Keep posting! We’re here.

My care co-ordinator came today . We kind of argued . I thought she was coming to do a care plan about things they could do to help me but it was all about me doing everything myself. I can't cope. Why have a mental health team if they don't want to help. No wonder I have given up. I'm still here but still looking for ways to escape this world .

Hey ((((cryingontheinside)))), glad you're 'okay'. I check this thread to see if you'd replied. So, your care co-ordinator was useless. That's like this psychiatrist I had who recently recommended I go back on meds that I'd just finished saying I came off due to negative side-effects, serious side-effects. I mean, who are these people? Yes, escaping the world. I absolutely don't blame you, because I know how hard trying to do things on your own wears you down, I'm kind of in the same boat.

But, do you have any family members you trust, who could help you with things? I know you've probably considered that already though.

Thank you for checking up on me . I'm sorry you had a bad experience too with the psychiatrist . I told my care-coordinator that I'm feeling suicidal but she didn't offer any support for that . I got very emotional while she was here . I don't know what else to say . I want to leave this world so badly . My family are very unhelpful , they all now are claiming to have mental health too and telling the world about it and acting they are worse off than me yet they are functioning and living a normal life , something I haven't been able to do for years

You're welcome. But I'm so sorry cryingontheinside. So awful. Yes, I actually have nothing to do with my 'family' anymore, for very similar reasons. They're on another planet - some very distant horrible planet. Earth! ha

Please stay strong cryingontheinside, I absolutely know what it's like to want to leave the world. But I say to myself, if the universe has dealt me this hand, if I've done all I can to improve and get well etc., then I'm just going to see how far I can go, one day at a time, and endure as much as I can. It all passes until next day, but we're not going to be here forever anyway. Search for the smallest thing to give you meaning or hope cryingontheinside. I know you've heard all this before though. What about a lovely goldfish?

It gives me comfort that you care so much . Im overwhelmed by yours and everyone who posted support . Thank you for caring about me when I don't care about myself . You seem like a beautiful soul

I'm sorry you are still feeling bad. I'm sorry your care co-ordinator wasn't any help. Try to hang on to any shred of okay-ness, or any spark of happiness. Things can and do get better, it's just hard to see it through the darkness. If you feel like you can't cope, perhaps you need to go to the ER or A&E. In the US, they will do a psych evaluation and sometimes put you in a temporary hold in the hospital for a few days. The experience varies but it can be tremendously helpful to not have to cope for a few days. Just a thought. Lots of (((hugs)))

Thanks cryingontheinside. Well, we're all in the same boat really, on a very choppy sea but we can make it to shore in one piece. That's how I kind of see it.

Thank you . I'm so low that I don't want to go to ER . I can only think of negatives . Waiting all night . Being refused support or being execpted into hospital but bullied by the other patients , that happened to me one time . Thank you so much for caring