Can you drown me?

I don't even know what's wrong with me. Yesterday was a good day, today's going alright too, yet here I am unable to stop thinking about.... I can't really talk about it.

I've had good days, ones I don't deserve. I don't deserve them, I shouldn't have had them and I just... I need to feel pain, in every way. No one understands this it seems, no one I've talked to about it anyway.

Oh well, boo hoo for me I've had good days. Damn me to ****ing hell for complaining about it. Just... ****!

Only if you drown me first.

I know how you feel. Hope you feel better soon!!!

So leighas I'm so sorry you feel that way, I know the feeling

No, it's going to be okay, Só leigheas. You might find that what you're experiencing right now is part of a pattern, a cycle. Because for me, now that I seem to have come out of the worst part of my inner struggle, I've noticed I now have two, maybe three, reasonable days in a row[?], followed by a day of struggle. But in that day of struggle I still have to use all my powers of coping again, and not fall prey to desires to throw in the towel, so to speak. The good thing is, yes, the bad day doesn't last. So, cope and manage the best you can through these times Só leigheas - and I just see it as quite positive. The clouds are beginning to drift away. Sorry if I sound like I'm giving unsolicited advice. I guess I am really. Hang in there, please.

((((Só leigheas))))

Now that you're able to cope better, it seems, perhaps it's time to work on other aspects - such as you feelings of guilt, for example.

Hang in there. I think it'll be worth it. You're precious, okay?

Thanks everyone. I had a session with my T today. We discussed the guilt and shame. I was pretty irritated when I wrote this, this morning. I really don't mean to get like that.

I've been having more issues since my session. Been seeing and hearing things more. The woman (something I've seen, heard and felt off and on since I was 13) she was in the tv. Once I see her a single time, I'm always sure to see more of her. I really don't want to see more of her. She torments me because I deserve it and because it's fun for her. She's my curse for being evil. I don't know how else to explain it.

Stole my answer. D:

I'm sorry you're feeling this way Só.

((((( So leigheas ))))))