Feeling invalidated and lonely

I've been feeling depressed these past couple of days. It's my job (I work at a peer support hotline center) and feeling like I made a big mistake by rushing into things where my career is concerned. I'm young, so I'm trying to turn it around but it still sucks. My job is quite triggering but I'm trying my best to cope with it.

I've been holding in my feelings since I don't want to burden anyone. However, I told one of my friends and my mom. My friend oversimplified it, which, in some cases, isn't bad. But for this situation, it wasn't that simple. He tends to overcomplicate things that are simple and simplify things that are complicated. However, he is a very good friend and he tries hard. So I appreciated his efforts.

My mom is a different story. I love her to death but she has her own trauma that she refuses to confront. Unfortunately, that affects me, since intergenerational trauma is real. She has a tendency to ask me to do things RIGHT in the middle of our conversations. Last night, I told her I was feeling depressed and in the middle of our convo she suddenly tells me to charge her phone, then to put her kindle away, then to do other things. I just got frustrated and ended our conversation. This happens every single time we talk and I know she's avoiding being vulnerable. But for Christ's sake, listen to me. Ask me to do things for you afterwards. I think she does this as a defense mechanism. I know these things seem really small but it's the principle of the matter.

My anxiety is at an all time high, I'm having a lot of obsessive thoughts, my gender dysphoria is bad, I have a ton of medical bills, my job is triggering me because many calls relate to past issues and trauma and racism, homophobia and transphobia. I have a therapist but she's incompetent so I'm in the process of getting set up with a new one at the moment. It's the trauma triggers that are bad because they make me feel disgusting.

I try my best to be grateful for what I have, and feeling like this makes me feel so ungrateful. I see other people getting things that I want so easily while I have to fight very hard for those same things.

I tend to focus more on being active as a way of coping with these things, but that's not working this time. I just want to curl up in bed. I hate when I get like this because I feel sad but very irritable at the same time.

I'm sorry for whining, but I just feel very bad. For anyone who reads this, thank you. I appreciate it.

I’m sending hugs (I’m sorry I’m not feeling very verbal at the moment). Thanks for sharing and please keep posting

I hope you'll be able to find a good therapist soon. Also, if the job is so triggering, perhaps you might consider another one?

Thanks a lot, Fuzzybear. I appreciate it!

Thanks a lot. I've already started looking, so hopefully something comes up.