Down

I used to be so happy, so out going and able to enjoy anything. Then all of a sudden boom I'm not her anymore. I've started therapy, and a psychiatrist. On meds and it seems nothing is happening. Change med dosing every couple of months going ok then it's like they just stop working. I love where I'm at with life, 26 engaged and we have a house and pets and a nana and his children. But it's like it's not enough to be alive anymore. I would not kill myself, not because I can't do it, but because it would hurt everyone else. I used to self harm,and pop pills in HS. Haven't cut since like 2012 or 2013.
Now all I want to do is sleep and not doing anything. I hate my job. I love who I work with but it's all double standards like everything else in my life. I just want to be myself again and it's ruining everything I have because I can't get out of the miserable state I'm in. I don't even have a sex drive nor energy for anything. I don't like waiting up to go to work. I just want to run away sometimes. But I won't because that's not who I am. I know where I came from and am stronger then this. I just want to get out of this state and be happy again.

Depression is a big black cloud on everything we have. No matter how good the situation is, we will only see the black.