[Deilla]

I have a very hard time leaving my home unless it's for a doctor's appointment. And even that is a struggle some times. At the moment I need to leave my home to get a hair cut. It's been months and I'm having so much trouble doing it. My hair bothers me. I used to keep it cut every 6 to 8 weeks. It's been 5 months now. I've just cut my bangs. My hair looks awful. And now I quit cutting my bangs. I don't even now how to. I just hack at it.

It depresses me that it's such a mess yet I can't bring myself to go get a cut. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wanted to go out to eat for my birthday and I canceled that cause I didn't want to leave the house.

Can anyone relate? How can I motivate myself?

[mote.of.soul]

Hi Deilla,

Yes, I can relate in my own way, as I suffer from very formidable social anxiety.

In a situation such as yours, when needing a haircut, I feel I can't let my self down anymore and I just go. Yes, the discomfort might be quite acute, but it wont last. And after you get your hair cut you can say 'great, I did it'.

So, for me, the motivation is generated by a sense of being able to endure the discomfort, and not wanting to give in to my maladaptions all the time.

You can do it Deilla, you'll feel better about yourself afterwards.

[ptangptang]

Hello delia. I suppose the way to go is gradual exposure therapy in the same way as people get treated for fear of spiders, open spaces, flying etc. Slowly. Maybe start by going for a walk round the block then a little bit further. Then maybe a trip to the shops. Then a longer trip for something enjoyable. Knowing that at any time you can turn round and go back.
I'm kind of going through something similar. I'm finding it hard to go into certain shops now because of things that have happened in the past. I used to enjoy going into those shops but now i can't face them. It all comes down to how i feel about myself ( feeling totally worthless , useless, doubting my own judgement etc). Jeez, why do we make life so hard for ourselves.
Anyway , good luck and keep us informed about your progress.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Hi Deilla,

Yes, I can relate in my own way, as I suffer from very formidable social anxiety.

In a situation such as yours, when needing a haircut, I feel I can't let my self down anymore and I just go. Yes, the discomfort might be quite acute, but it wont last. And after you get your hair cut you can say 'great, I did it'.

So, for me, the motivation is generated by a sense of being able to endure the discomfort, and not wanting to give in to my maladaptions all the time.

You can do it Deilla, you'll feel better about yourself afterwards.

That's a good way to think about it. That the discomfort won't last long and that we shouldn't let ourselves down any longer. Thanks! You've given me something to really consider.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by ptangptang

Hello delia. I suppose the way to go is gradual exposure therapy in the same way as people get treated for fear of spiders, open spaces, flying etc. Slowly. Maybe start by going for a walk round the block then a little bit further. Then maybe a trip to the shops. Then a longer trip for something enjoyable. Knowing that at any time you can turn round and go back.
I'm kind of going through something similar. I'm finding it hard to go into certain shops now because of things that have happened in the past. I used to enjoy going into those shops but now i can't face them. It all comes down to how i feel about myself ( feeling totally worthless , useless, doubting my own judgement etc). Jeez, why do we make life so hard for ourselves.
Anyway , good luck and keep us informed about your progress.

Yes, I like that idea. Gradual exposure. I figure I'll see how I feel at the hair salon and then if that goes well a few times, then maybe I can try a restaurant next. I normally don't go to shops. Maybe the vape shop, which I haven't done in 2 years. Thanks!

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by Deilla

That's a good way to think about it. That the discomfort won't last long and that we shouldn't let ourselves down any longer. Thanks! You've given me something to really consider.

Thanks Deilla, appreciated, and I wish there was an easier way as well. Maybe some therapy could give you some more coping techniques, too? It's more or less debilitating when you find you're struggling just to leave the house. It's a real pain in the @ss, I know.

Anyway, we'll conquer it in the end!

[Fuzzybear]

[Mopey]

I too have a terrible time getting myself out of the house. Once I'm out, all I want is to get back in.

To get a haircut I have to work myself up to it several weeks in advance. I have to set the time, wash my hair, get ready, then take it one step at a time. Out to the car. Drive to Supercuts, etc etc. And most important - once I've started, DON'T THINK. Just focus on each step at a time. Be nice and chat with the haircutter if they want. Then before you know it you're paying your tip and you're out.

And just as the others say, it may not be fun to do it, but you'll probably be very glad to have it done.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by Mopey

I too have a terrible time getting myself out of the house. Once I'm out, all I want is to get back in.

To get a haircut I have to work myself up to it several weeks in advance. I have to set the time, wash my hair, get ready, then take it one step at a time. Out to the car. Drive to Supercuts, etc etc. And most important - once I've started, DON'T THINK. Just focus on each step at a time. Be nice and chat with the haircutter if they want. Then before you know it you're paying your tip and you're out.

And just as the others say, it may not be fun to do it, but you'll probably be very glad to have it done.

That's a good approach. Just stay focused and don't think too much about it. And have a plan. Maybe next week I can pick a day and go. Just prepare myself and get in the car and go. Once I'm at the shop, I can finish it. It's just making up my mind to go and heading in that direction. Thanks!

[Sunflower123]

I had a particularly hard time getting myself to leave the house. Congratulations on getting to your doctor’s appointments.

I started super small. Every day, I would walk to the end of the driveway and get the mail and the papers. Most days, it was excruciating. It eventually got easier.
Next, I planned somewhere to go. I planned only that event for the whole day and rewarded myself when I did go. That got easier after awhile as well.

There are still days when it’s just not happening and that’s ok. Maybe you could start really small and take baby steps. I understand about your hair. I didn’t have mine cut for over three years because I just couldn’t get there. I finally got there about 3 weeks ago. It was well worth it.

Good luck and best wishes on gradually getting out of the house. I believe you’ll get there.

[taraconnor777]

Originally Posted by ptangptang

Hello delia. I suppose the way to go is gradual exposure therapy in the same way as people get treated for fear of spiders, open spaces, flying etc. Slowly. Maybe start by going for a walk round the block then a little bit further. Then maybe a trip to the shops. Then a longer trip for something enjoyable. Knowing that at any time you can turn round and go back.
I'm kind of going through something similar. I'm finding it hard to go into certain shops now because of things that have happened in the past. I used to enjoy going into those shops but now i can't face them. It all comes down to how i feel about myself ( feeling totally worthless , useless, doubting my own judgement etc). Jeez, why do we make life so hard for ourselves.
Anyway , good luck and keep us informed about your progress.

(answer--go ahead and force some out door stuff.it won't suddenly go away.mine did not for years,i found just using behavior mod did not work, the behavior just resisted it.--a lot.years later it gradually got better.(mine is back, yrs. later)it means, right now you can do SO MUCH but not any more.get someone to take you out once in a while--its not really the "going out" its the stuff inside you.be patient.--yeah, go out with help, but please be patient with yourself."be kind to yourself"that worked better. "being kind to yourself"is what we all need, hope this helps.

[Evaluna]

Leaving the house is something I find particularly unpleasant. I sit in and wish I had places to go or people to see but when someone asks to do something with them I end up cancelling at the last minute.

I find people these days to be so self important, rude, aggressive and generally not very nice. My job deals with the public and its so so hard to plaster the smile on each day. Just take it small steps each time, and if you can't do it don't feel guilty about it. You can always try again x.

[MickeyCheeky]

Yes, I have an hard time leaving the house as well... I can definitely relate

[Deilla]

Thanks for all the support and feedback. Right now I plan to go to Super Cuts on Tuesday. I think that's a good day. I will feel awkward walking in there with my hair the way it is. But I'll focus on the end result. Maybe I will wear a hat to there so I feel better. I don't know.

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Thanks for all the support and feedback. Right now I plan to go to Super Cuts on Tuesday. I think that's a good day. I will feel awkward walking in there with my hair the way it is. But I'll focus on the end result. Maybe I will wear a hat to there so I feel better. I don't know.

Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes!!

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes!!

Thanks! I'm nervous thinking about it. But if I can get my shower, get dressed and get out the door, it will be a success. I just have to deal with the anxiety and fear of going while I try to get ready. Never easy.

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Thanks! I'm nervous thinking about it. But if I can get my shower, get dressed and get out the door, it will be a success. I just have to deal with the anxiety and fear of going while I try to get ready. Never easy.

God knows, it is never easy. Wishing you well.

[Deilla]

Today is a terrible day. I ordered groceries and overslept. Had 10 minutes to get dressed. I feel awful today. Very stressed.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Deilla))))

[Deilla]

I ended up cutting my bangs so my hair bothers me less. I can't leave the house. And my mom wanted to celebrate my birthday this weekend. I said I have to do it some other time. Today I have to go start my car and run it for several minutes to keep the battery charged. Next week I have an appointment for meds. I'll leave the house for that. I'm so disappointed in myself.

[Mopey]

You're just fine, Deilla.