[whimsicalman]

The first anniversary of my Dad's death is coming up soon, and I am struck with the fact that I have not fully come to terms with his death. The avoider in me has just compartmentalized part of that process. This isn't to say that I have fully avoided facing it or have fully suppressed my emotions regarding it. I just mean that I have not "embraced" (for lack of a better word) my own process for it. Y'know how it is common to say that everyone has their own way of grieving? Well, I haven't quite figured out mine.


So, as it comes close, I find myself feeling a bit uncomfortable listening to people discuss some aspects of his life and wondering what that means, with regard to my process (or search for my process). The physical act of talking about his life or death does not seem to feel like it is/will be part of my process, since it just triggers my anxiety. Not grief or sadness, just anxiety. The kind of anxiety that makes me want to run away to the mountains, alone. Hmmm. Just thinking about doing that makes me wonder if that might be a part of my process. Maybe I just need to get away, by myself and think, walk, hike, remember, appreciate . . . without having to interact with another living human being. I think that it is the human interaction that gets in the way for me because it involves the thoughts, feelings or grieving process of another/others on top of my own.


I am not looking for any kind of advice from anyone in writing any of this. I am just trying to get some thoughts out because I was overhearing a couple people talking about it and my anxiety just skyrocketed and I started to feel a little depressed that I was somehow not grieving "correctly" or haven't quite done it fully; and I wanted to nip the depression before it escalated.


But if you do respond, that is okay too. I just appreciate a forum like this as an opportunity to share in my own introverted way without expectations of outcome.


Hugs to all!


(And I love you, Dad.)

[Raindropvampire]

Everyone grieves at their own pace and some of us put it off indefinitely. I lost my aunt 4 years ago and I still haven't properly grieved. I can't even see a picture of her without breaking down and crying. The grief I feel when I see her or someone talks about her makes me feel like I may never get over her death.

I hope you find your way to process everything and I'm very sorry for your loss.

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

Everyone grieves at their own pace and some of us put it off indefinitely. I lost my aunt 4 years ago and I still haven't properly grieved. I can't even see a picture of her without breaking down and crying. The grief I feel when I see her or someone talks about her makes me feel like I may never get over her death.

I hope you find your way to process everything and I'm very sorry for your loss.

I agree. Grief and sorrow hits people differently. You can't ( and probably shouldn't) put a date on it. The more you stress about dates the more you manufacture grief instead of letting it come naturally and in its own time. We are coming up to The 11th hour of the 11th month ( armistice day) in the uk when we remember those who have fought and died in wars. There is now a 2 minute silence. Whilst i respect it i can't just turn it on and off like a tap. Grief , like joy, comes naturally, and at times when we least expect it.
Get on with your life, do the best you can and when it hits go with it , work through it and carry on. Hmm there's a t- shirt slogan there. Don't go on a guilt trip. Good luck.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((whimsicalman)))) I'm sorry about your loss. Like you said, everyone grieves at his own pace and in his own way. Don't worry too much. Keep going with your life, I'm sure your Dad will always be there with you.