How do I cope?

My coping mechanisms for about half of my life have all been negative. When I am struggling mentally I tend to drink, self harm, skip meds, isolate, basically anything self destructive I can think of.

Right now I’m not feeling too good. And I’m trying not to do those things, although I am isolating pretty damn good right now. The thing is I’ve been sober for over three months, and haven’t self harmed in over five months. But now I don’t know what to do to get myself through this. The urges to drink and to cut are just getting stronger and stronger and each day I’m just feeling worse.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to cope. How have I got this far and not learnt other coping mechanisms? I’m just struggling right now.

I can totally relate to these things. Do you have a therapist or perhaps a hotline you can call for emergency help?

Hi,

Attending AA meetings could really help to break the isolation and to give you support around your sobriety, as well. I used to go to AA and found it to be great on a number of levels. I haven't been in years but I've been starting to drink again recently, so I'm really thinking about returning.

Yes, therapy could definitely help you, as well.

Hang in there. We'll survive!

Unfortunately I have no therapist, in fact I have next to no support right now. I’m due to start STEPPS in the new year which is skills based group therapy, but yeah I have nothing right now.

I did try AA when I was still drinking and it really isn’t for me. I might refer myself back to the program that was meant to help me stop drinking. They said I could if I was having issues. I don’t know, in the end they didn’t really help much and I did it myself so I’m not even sure if it’s worth it.

Do you have any offline help at all?

Not really. I had a care coordinator, but last week was the last time I saw her due to changes they are having to make. Now I’m just on a call list. Or I have to call duty if I want to be seen. Which is just a hassle. This change has just happened at a bad time, a few weeks ago I was doing alright, now not so much. My partner is my main support but as she is in hospital right now I obviously don’t want to worry her with this.

One of the best things i've ever done healthwise was to join the sports club. Having been forced to do virtually nothing for 4 weeks , again, because of surgery i realise how important it is for me to get into the routine of going there. i'm hoping when i next see the surgeon ( dec 3) he'll say 'yep you can go back to what you were doing'
. Can you join a gym, sports centre or sports club. I know it's hard to motivate yourself at home but try and start with daily walks. maybe buy a cross trainer. Having made progress DON'T let yourself go back to square one. Build on what you've achieved and achieve more. Watch positive vids on you tube. Good luck.

Recall that at the top of the self-injury forum there are sticky threads with lots of ideas and resources, https://forums.psychcentral.com/self-injury/

Keep posting so as to receive further support from here

I’ve noticed that you have offered to PM when people are feeling distress. That’s helpful! Perhaps you yourself could reach out by PM to someone here. (I myself would be happy to PM with you. )

You recognise the urges to isolate. Really try, when you have the urges to isolate, to get out for a walk, get some exercise, pick up something at a food store, etc. I can imagine that will be difficult to do, truly. Still, do try to focus and see if you can get out. Thanks for your Even popping to the corner and back is constructive when there are urges to isolate.

(((((whisperingskye)))))

I think there might be other support groups for alcoholics if you don't like AA. Not everyone likes the 12 step method. I'm not an alcoholic, but I go to support groups for people with mental illnesses. There are no steps, but we talk about how we're doing and give each other support. It's really helpful to me.

If you're in the US, try dbsalliance.org or nami.org. They provide a lot of resources, and you can find support groups. Ptangptang has a good idea about exercise. Joining some sort of club to meet people and not isolate can also help.

When I'm anxious, I have found coloring can help. I know it sounds kind of silly, but there are adult coloring books you can get. Yoga and meditation can also help.

Hang in there. I hope you can find a positive coping mechanism.

((((whisperingskye)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. Until you're able to get a therapist, a good idea is to do the opposite of what your mind or body may be suggesting. If it tells you to isolate, try to socialize; if it tells you to drink, don't; ecc. Also if you happen to feel suicidal, call an hotline. Hopefully talking here helps you as well. We'll always be here to listen to you. Please don't give up. I'm so sorry this is happening to you

Thank you for all the suggestions, I truly appreciate it.

Ptangptang and bill3 - I managed to go out for a walk, which has helped a bit. Me and my partner had been doing tennis and swimming together but as she isn’t here right now obviously I haven’t been doing that, I don’t feel comfortable swimming on my own. I do have an exercise bike however so maybe I should dust that off and actually start using it.

I also have a load of colouring books, I just haven’t had motivation to do any, so I will have to try and make myself do that, thanks for the reminder downandlonely.

Thanks again everyone for all the support, you guys are great!

whisperingskye we all love you here

(((((((( hugs ))))))))