Rambling

I'm doing that thing again. That thing where I want to say something but I can't. Doesn't matter if it's here or irl, I just don't want to speak. I don't want to go back to therapy. I don't want to see my pdoc again.

Nothing I'm writing is what I want to say, that's another reason I'm quiet. Both here and out there, I can't explain myself properly. Like right now, at this second, this isn't what I feel like I need to talk about.

I can't focus enough to figure out what I should say or write. I'm really trying to just be coherent because **** if I'm hearing myself. I talk and I tune out and I'm gone. I don't even know why I've written this. Maybe it's an attempt to break this hold on my brain. I don't know, ignore me, I'm just rambling.

Good things can come from rambling, posted or not.

((((( So leigheas )))))

I used to begin all my therapy sessions by rambling and admitting that I was rambling, my therapist would say that was all right, and finally my ramblings would begin to condense into something that was on my mind and I would start getting down to business.

I wonder if you've heard of that book by Julia [somebody] where she talks about overcoming creative block by doing something she calls Morning Pages. What this basically consists of is getting a bunch of paper and writing implement and just scrawling as fast as you can whatever comes into your mind without thinking or editing. After you've done a couple pages of this you will feel pretty much intellectually cleaned out.

I'll find the full name of the book if you're interested.

I completely forgot about that "warm up". I'll try that at some point.