An OK day until I got home. I did the laundry at home and it was a disaster. I used two washers and two dryers. One washer finished and left the clothes sopping wet. I panicked and didn't know what to do. So on one dryer I put in extra money and that didn't work. So I ended going to a Laundromat just to dry my clothes and it didn't do a good job of it. It's bad enough as it is to do laundry after work; but then having to put up with that BS with it! My evening was completely ruined, damn it!

[Randle McMurphy]

life is ****ed up, I love someone I can never be with, she will never be mine. this has happened to me every time I had feels for someone over the course of my life, either rejection or impossible conditions. why does god keep torturing me? I don't ask for much, just some love.

Being around someone who is touchy at the smallest things is ruining my better streak of a mood. I haven't had this consistency of well being emotionally in a very long time. I can't let that person affect me, yet I can't get away. I guess I could, but being out in the middle of nowhere is not good for me either.

The care taking was easy, and I do feel like I was a bit useful. I'm meeting a friend later in the week, and I'm hoping to have a nice time for an hour or more.

[Deilla]

Had a productive day. Mainly did chores and self care. I feel Okay. Just a little tired. Will try to relax now.

[3rd rock]

Managed to get on the exercise bike. Trying to use it more.

A much better day today than last night. Last night I had that traumatic experience with a washer leaving a load sopping wet. I wrote to the manager at my place about it last night. This morning she gave me $4 in quarters. Wow, that was really nice! At the last place I lived at they never refunded anything that I lost.

Also my sister paid me back the loan after two months. I wrote about that on another forum here at Psych Central - Insurance And Finance.

[Deilla]

Feeling calm and relaxed this morning. Just taking it easy today. Asked my mom for some help with something that's been bothering me and she said she would do it. So I'm happy about that. Cancelled all my medical appointments except PT. That way I have less stress leaving the house each week.

[3rd rock]

Afraid to talk to my GP about disability claim even though I've known her forever and she's totally cool.

[Rose76]

I've been coping by telling myself that I only have to get through one day at a time. Now I'm saying to myself that I only have to get through one hour at a time.

I need to dress and leave the house and do a few errands. It's hard. So I'm telling myself to just go run one errand. Go pick up the clean laundry and drop off a bag to be done. Just go do that. Then you can always come back and lie down. The bed will be here right where you left it. Just go do thus one thing. Won't take you even half an hour. Then you can come back and resume doing nothing, if you still feel bad.

I guess I convinced myself, so I'll go now.

[Deilla]

Something today upset me. I got really depressed. Now I'm beating myself up. Don't know why I have to be so hard on myself.

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Something today upset me. I got really depressed. Now I'm beating myself up. Don't know why I have to be so hard on myself.

It's too bad how those things can stay with you and be so hard to shake...

How does someones weight fluctuate extremely in a week. I'm down about how much weight I gained. I'm almost starving myself and I gained weight!!! Well, I think I'll just have some more supper, I'd rather be overweight and happy than starving, miserable, and not losing the weight. Nothing to be depressed over, I take what I get.. life goes on.

[Deilla]

On top of everything, I find out I wasn't approved for some images I submitted to a major web site. I submitted my best work. They said submit better images. What's better? I guess I'm just not good enough. Fail! Put a big sticker on my forehead. Sorry, but this rejection is really bothering me. First my sisters and now this. Maybe I will feel better after some sleep but I've been knocked down a few thousand feet. I know I have a lot to learn and I'm really careful about what I submit. Oh well.

I'm missing a piece.

When I was a kid I was really shut down. I think I'm going to be going back there soon.

Everything is falling apart and I'm afraid and I'm alone.

I don't know what to do. I just need someone to be really gentle with me because I am already broken. I need someone to please help me.

An alright kind of day. Except that there was this one guy at work who seemed to antagonize me. I don't know what his problem was. He asked me about what I was doing this weekend. I said that I don't know, but I may go to my old place. He asked me if I regretted selling my place and moving into a rental. I said, "absolutely not!". He then said, "you will eventually because rents are going up". He had a smirky look on his face as he was talking. It seemed like he was hoping to hear that I regretted making that move so that he can say, "I told you!".

It's going to be very busy tomorrow but nothing social. On Sunday I plan to go to my old place just to see what's going on. I may be very nervous going there.

[3rd rock]

It may be time for me to consider other options. I am slowly dying. I dream of being able to quit my job and live in the mountains of the far north. My sales aren't happening. I need to sell more books now. 3 bookstores have declined to carry my books.

[Deilla]

Feeling uneasy today. My emotions have been all over the place. I don't know what to expect next. Will try to relax and maybe look at some affirmations.

Feeling pretty blue right now. I was very busy today but no social interaction, except to talk to my friend by phone, who is two time zones away from me.

I went to the place where I had sent out the modem two months ago. I was sending that modem out to the cable company that I was no longer doing business with. According to the cable company, they had not received the modem. I went to the place where I had sent it out and they had couldn't find anything on it. I didn't save my receipt. I felt dumb for not saving the receipt. I was supposed to get $78 back, but if it's not found, then I won't get that refund. Ever since I moved a couple of months ago and up to now, it seems like I've been chiseled out of some money.

Feeling very alone tonight. I've been thinking that it's going to be like that for the rest of my life.

[3rd rock]

Well, everyone hates me.

I feel like an a@@ tonight

Another dull weekend is coming to a close now. Back to work tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about it. I miss doing my own thing like I do on the weekends and yet I feel more like a somebody when I'm at work.

I swung by the old place that I sold and left. Not much has changed. I didn't get to go inside and see it. And I didn't talk to anyone. I rode my bike there. I thought I heard someone call out to me.

Oh I went on a three hour bike ride today.

[Rose76]

Awful depressed. I don't know how I can make things better for myself. I have no interest in my life.

[Deilla]

Feeling a little tired today. Didn't sleep much last night. Will do some housework and wear myself out until I'm sleepy. Maybe when I wake up I might feel good.

I don't feel safe

[Rose76]

Life seems like more work than it's worth.