I kicked my dad out of my apartment, even though that meant he would be homeless. :(

My dad is a very long story. I'm 27 years old. I was never attached or close to my dad. We don't talk about feelings. We don't go do stuff together. I didn't have a normal childhood. I was basically ignored or being yelled at. Both of my parents was that way. My mom died in Oct 2018. She's still in the funeral home because my dad refuses to just sit down and do what he needs to do to get the life insurance money so he can finally bury my mom. He was staying with my sister, but he just suddenly left because he hated it there. (Jan 20th) He had to beg someone at the gas station for gas money to get to my house. I said he could stay for one day. But I'm too nice. I let him stay up until today. (Jan 24th) He's an alcoholic, he abuses his pain medication and he's extremely addicted to gambling. We lost our childhood house because of him. He's pawned every musical instrument I've had. 3 guitars, a violin and my microphone and amp. If it had any value, he pawned it. He always swore that he would get every single item back from the pawn shop every time he went. He never got anything out. So he basically would just sell them whatever for super cheap. He might as well have sold those items to the pawn shop. He would have gotten much more money. But he doesn't think.

Anyways. He's been sleeping on my couch for 5 days now. He'll call 2 or 3 people in the mornings and ask if x, y, or z was coming though. He never had any detailed conversations to anyone. He hasn't called any funeral assistance people for my mom. He hasn't done a lot of things. He's trying to get my moms cancer and life insurance money, but he won't read his time sensitive mail from the companies and then wonder why they still haven't sent a check. It's taken him almost 3 months to just finally get to almost the end of the process for the insurance money to finally bury my mom. We have no money. All I have is the limited amount of food stamps. I found out my dad pawned my moms necklace yesterday. I was absolutely livid because that was the necklace she had when she died in the hospital. I told him I was going to kick him out if he didn't get the necklace back today. That he had to find the money some how. He finally found some guy who gave him $11. I looked at the ticket for my moms necklace and it was like $8.56. So he would have had $2 back. When he got back, I asked him for the change. He gave me a quarter and a dime. I asked where the $2 was and he tried to say it cost more and blah blah blah. I knew it was a lie. I finally got him to tell me. I asked if he spent it on the beer or lottery and he said "I didn't buy any lottery". So I told him "So you bought beer?" and he said yes, but only 1. I have never been so mad in my life. I had to go to my room for a couple of hours. I was shaking with anger. I've never felt that anger before. Since neither of us have money, we can't buy toilet paper or shampoo, which we desperately needed. I finally came back out of my room. I thought I was calm enough, but as soon as I looked at him, I started screaming at him. I told him he could have gone to the dollar tree and gotten both of those items. His excuse? "I needed to calm my nerves". Yeah. We all do. But that's all he does. After he makes 2-3 phone calls, he sits on the couch and watches TV until he goes to sleep. If he can get money somehow, he gets drunk almost nightly. I have no idea how he gets the money. I'm wondering if he's just stealing beer at times. He's 65 years old and he can't do anything for himself. He won't cook if he's hungry. And by cook, I mean throw a pizza the oven or something super simple. He'll just eat a piece of bread and tell me hes' hungry until I make food. I've gone up and beyond for him. I've used all of my ability to let him stay here. He only cares about himself. If I try to talk to him, he tells me to shut up and leave him alone because he doesn't want to hear me "go on and on". I can't voice an opinion without getting berated. I can't ask his opinion. Nothing. We were never close and we aren't close now. There's no maternal bond for me with either of my parents. I still haven't cried about my mom dying. It's just how life is. So since he was too selfish to buy necessities and everything else combined, I snapped. I screamed at him to get out of my apartment. I got all of his his stuff and put it outside of apartment door. His basket of clothes are still just sitting there. If someone steals them, that's not my fault. He's sleeping in the car in my apartment parking lot because he doesn't have any friends to ask to stay with. He won't even try to ask anyone that he's even just someone he says hi to and has their number saved and so on. I can't handle watching him just sit there and do nothing. He's been off work because he can't do his job, but he's fighting for it. So he hasn't been to work since 2016. He has a meeting, finally, with an arbitration between his job company and his jobs union. He said if they can't find a position, he's going to retire. He's just wasting money trying to get his CDL back. He's blind and has severe cataracts in one eye and mild in the other.

Very long story short, my dad is a extremely stressful person to deal with and I kicked him out because he won't even try to help himself find a place to live or a way to get money because he's not working. He begs for money and gas. He has no shame in that. Neither of us have any money and needed 2 necessities. He had $2 in change after I forced him to get my moms pawned necklace back I had only found out yesterday about that. After getting the ring and $2 in change, he decided to be selfish and buy a beer to "calm down". He only cares about himself and expects everyone to do everything for him. So I kicked him out so maybe he'll learn that he can't just sit on his *** all day and not do anything.

Part of me feels bad, but this is the last resort before my sister puts him in a retirement home. He has to learn how to be in adult. He's 65.

As he was walking out the door, he said I'm the worst daughter in the world and that I'm a horrible person.

Welcome to PC. I think you did what you felt was right, and he sounds like a horrible person. I am glad you put your foot down. ((hugs))

I am so sorry that is horrible. Do you want him sleeping in his car outside your apartment? Do you want his laundry basket there? If you dont you should call the police or whoever manages the apartment and have them escort him off the property. Then you wont have to see him and get mad. You are not the worst daughter- you are actually a pretty damn good daughter for even putting up with him as much as you have.

Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do...

Yes. Sounds like your dad could benefit from rehab, Curious1437. Amongst other things the rehab can teach the person life skills. No, you have every right to get him out of your apartment but I can totally understand why you'd feel a little bad about it. But the fact is, the situation your dad now finds himself in might very well become the impetus to begin incepting changes in his life. It'll be okay.

It's a difficult situation, but you have to take care of yourself too and your father is not behaving in an appropriate way.

I understand your decision.

You cannot have your dad living with you. It's likely he would steal from you, if you had anything to steal. Very possibly, your dad may never grow up. At 65 y.o., he is eligible to collect Social Security. He can survive on that and other subsidies he may qualify for. As an alcohol and drug abuser and gambler, he probably will blow any money he gets his hands on. That's beyond your control. He's headed for life in the street, and that's on him. The home you lived in since childhood was your parents' home. It was his to keep or lose, and he lost it. Your responsibility, now, is to maintain a residence for yourself, which you are doing. Maintaining yourself is enough for you to cope with.