[Bird Feeder]

I have suicidal thoughts almost all of the time. I take meds and recently have started my ECT again which should help.

My problem is that now I am worried that everyone thinks like me. So I can't be honest with my pdoc or therapist because I am afraid they will become suicidal because of me. I am afraid my husband is suicidal and become very anxious if he is not home. If my kids (all older) don't answer their phones I'm afraid they have done something that I think about.

So besides my constant suicidal thoughts, I live in a constant state of panic because of my thoughts and the thoughts of everyone else too.

Has anybody else been through this? What helped?

[MickeyCheeky]

I've never experienced this, Bird Feeder, so unfortunately I don't have a lot of advice to give to you. Have you talked to your Pdoc or therapist about this? Maybe that could help. Living in a constant state of panic must be terrible. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. I wish I've had more advice to give to you. Try to find yourself some distractions if it can help. Do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time? Do you have a support system IRL? Any friends or family that you can reach out? Try to hang on. If things get worse, try to call an hotline or go to an hospital. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Remember that we all love you here. We're here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say and won't judge you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you