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#1
Mar 17, 2019, 10:18 AM
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“Do not let others define you
Define yourself” Easier said than done sometimes but good advice, I think.  Btw I like humble people 
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 little turtle, mikimostar, Rohag, Skeezyks, Thirty shades
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 little turtle, mikimostar, Thirty shades
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#2
Mar 17, 2019, 10:19 AM
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Oops.. my title meant to say “defining self”....
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| Rohag, Thirty shades
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#3
Mar 17, 2019, 11:39 AM
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 We are tiny fish in a social ocean of people constantly defining us by their standards and telling us - verbally and non-verbally - what we "should" want and be. You are most correct declaring the project of self-definition "easier said than done".  I find some degree of social detachment is necessary for me to ... swim against the current.  ((((((( Fuzzybear ))))))) 
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Fuzzybear, mikimostar, Thirty shades
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| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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#4
Mar 17, 2019, 12:33 PM
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The social ocean of people.. (crazy) Constantly defining us by THEIR standards... And all THEIR “shoulda” (yawn) I think you’re wise finding a level of social detachment (crazy) Dorothy Rowe writes about “introverts” and “extraverts”... I haven’t read much by her for a long time ... some of her views are interesting I think, and not the “standard (badly done by some if someone doesn’t fit the “box” -  imo - uk cbt “stuff”  (not that one size “should” fit all some still seem to dish out in this forest I sometimes wish I lived in a different forest. Meanwhile I’ve found more sensible ideas online
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| Rohag, Thirty shades
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| Thirty shades
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#5
Mar 17, 2019, 01:50 PM
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My wife defines me. Did she not, I'm not even sure who I'd be...
  
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
| Fuzzybear, Rohag, Thirty shades
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#6
Mar 17, 2019, 02:12 PM
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That’s interesting Skeezyks I think Papa bear’s opinion/definition/observations of me are very accurate. They are kind but also accurate... (I don’t know why some abusers attempt to “justify” their abuse by saying “I’m being honest” .....  Or “he was being accurate” ..... Blech grrrrrrrrrrr of course..the reason is... abusers are All about “Control” ..... and putting others down to feel better about themselves  Not about anyone here I think I’ve been able to internalise some of Papa bear’s (and some other true people’s .. True thoughts about me... but not completely.. I still slip into self hate / self flagellation mode sometimes ... or my inner snake does
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| Rohag, Skeezyks, Thirty shades
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#7
Mar 17, 2019, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
 I have trouble defining myself. It has taken many years to try and get to know, who I really am. With the help of the internet, I am learning. I am happy to be me at my very core. The bit I have trouble with, is all the negative recordings stored in my unconscious brain....
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| Fuzzybear
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| Fuzzybear
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#8
Mar 17, 2019, 05:32 PM
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Rohag other people's standards are a big problem. Hearing and observing the way others define us increases the negative recordings we store instead of releasing any. Then they complain we detach and withdraw.... If only they would listen and hear our truth....
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| Fuzzybear, Rohag
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| Fuzzybear
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#9
Mar 17, 2019, 06:48 PM
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if only they would listen and hear our truth This is partly why my snake wants me to delete I was told I was “too needy” and people would be “angry” with me... All sorts of judgments by people who don’t know me  But maybe they are “right” - I don’t think this world wants a bear who is “too needy” ... several have agreed with my Maternal unit I wish They (irl) would treat us with dignity Love to all
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| Rohag, Thirty shades
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#10
Mar 17, 2019, 07:06 PM
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negative recordings stored in the unconscious brain  Outer snakes with their slimyness reinforcing negative recordings in the unconscious brain The bear at my core is true. And deserves to be treated kindly and with dignity
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| Rohag, Thirty shades
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#11
Mar 17, 2019, 09:05 PM
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It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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| Thirty shades
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#12
Mar 17, 2019, 09:22 PM
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I don’t think of you as an A hole at all. I only know you from what you’ve shared on here, I just don’t think your “inner critic” is accurate in his harshness.. And some people, of course, love to judge others.. Especially others with struggles like depression “People” have said all sorts of things about me that were mean and not even accurate, I still think that if “people” ever use the A hole term about you it would be wrong
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| Thirty shades
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#13
Mar 18, 2019, 04:30 AM
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People are emotionally blind to us and our needs Just like the Maternal units... We deserve some dignity because we are true....
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| Fuzzybear
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| Fuzzybear
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#14
Mar 18, 2019, 10:47 AM
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We do deserve dignity
Judgments and shoulds from people who take no time to get to know us.. Grrrrrrrrrrrr Much love
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| Thirty shades
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| Thirty shades
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