Can't get over not getting into med school

Now as I think about it, I made a huge mistake about my education by listening to what people think. They thought I am stupid, "crazy", "retarded"? Not my fault. Now what happened later was my fault - I tried to be like the others. And I failed miserably. Just because I am not a carbon copy of every other teenager, it does not mean I am bad or that I have a deficiency. I did not realize it back then. And now... I can never be a doctor. Theoretically it's possible for me to give the medical entrance examination but practically it's not that easy. My psychiatrist already told me I should not go into med school. Which breaks my apart whenever I think about it.


Health is not luxury, it's a damned ESSENTIAL factor to live life. I could have helped people my way. I could have enjoyed the science behind medicine. I could have been a physician or a surgeon. But now I cannot. And I am one of those to blame.

I don't know, thoughts like the above ones come to my head many times a day. What do I do?

I have similar regrets, and I also know how mental health can get it the way. I have dropped out of two different graduate programs because I gave into the depression and anxiety. I try to be kind to myself, but I also know how I made bad decisions along the way that contributed to my triggering myself and making things harder to overcome.

Now it is just a journey to move forward and see how those failed educational experiences can be used in a positive way for my future.

I'm sorry that you didn't get into med school. Please don't give up on your dreams.

I agree with Buffy. Please don’t give up on your dreams.

Hello The Lonely Chemist. I am sorry you didn't get into medical school. Is this recent news for you or have you been thinking about it for a while?

Being a doctor is one of the most stressful, tiring, draining, confusing jobs that a human can do. And that's after many years of studying and no money and clinical rotations etc. Then that is followed by carrying the responsibility of whether other people live or die. Not five days a week. Not days only. Day and night. Weekends. Holidays. An honest physician will tell you that the tremendous responsibility does not lift until they retire.

As you ponder over this disappointment, I encourage you to think about why you want to be a doctor. There are many paths in life....and there are many routes to fulfilling a particular goal or need or hope.

I don't know your psychiatrist and I don't know you. But I can tell you that stable mental health is essential to completion of medical school and successfully practicing as a physician whether as a GP or surgeon or another specialty. Perhaps that is your psychiatrist's concern, I don't know. Being a doctor is very, very stressful. It is not at all as it appears on TV or how it is often imagined.

When I read your previous posts and thoughts and interest in science, you struck me as someone interested in scientific research. Obviously a different avenue from med school though still related to the medical field. Have you considered it?

When you get down to the grit, med school is about straight As in tough classes, resilience, long days and nights for many years, stress, intense responsibility, growing financial debt, and eventually working a job where it is normal to be sued at least a few times. Is that what you truly want in life?

Write it down. Write down why you want to be a doc. Then give it some thought. What is it that you're seeking in Life? In one sentence. What would that be? Is becoming a MD the only answer to that sentence?

I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future. It may not feel like it now but disappointments are often guides toward our true path in life. May it happen for you!

I've learnt the more kind I am to myself, the less I will suffer -- both physically and emotionally -- and the more success I will achieve. Unfortunately, I cannot stop my regret from overcoming my desire to be kind to myself.

I am not sure. I have many doubts.

1) Will a PhD fulfill my passion for science?
2) Will I get to make a difference in the lives of people the same way I could have made a difference by becoming a medical doctor?
3) Will I just make a wrong move by trying to get into med school. If I get accepted, will I ever succeed or will they expel me because of my mental health? (I am not from the US and we've no law against discrimination)

My dream is to make a career in science (it may not be medicine, but it might be research as well) and do my part in this world. I completely understand it may not be possible for me to become a doctor, but I wish I could become one.

To answer your questions, Silver, It's been almost a year since I am pondering over the question - Why did I not give the medical entrance examination? I am currently a BSc student waiting for the results of first year. Here we've MBBS system, meaning we enter medical college right after 12th grade/high school.


I'll be brutally honest here. I know medical college will not be a walk through the garden. I know it is going to be tremendously hard, and the job itself will also have the capability of breaking me. For me, oh my goodness, it won't be easy. Because I do not behave normally when I am under tremendous stress. I cannot handle stress. Despite that, I still want to be a doctor.

I am ready to try to get the highest grade ("O" here) in the university exams. I am ready to give it my best. Despite the fact that my health, in general, is poor. I do not have what a healthy teenager has. THAT is what that is holding me back from giving the medical entrance examination. After I give it, what am I supposed to do? Get into med school? But what from then? What if I don't make it? Wouldn't that be horrible and wouldn't I just have wasted years of my life?

As unfortunate as it is, I do not have the support of my parents. They unfortunately are ill as well. I am the only one getting treatment, my parents, although they need it as well (according to my observation) , do not want treatment from a psychiatrist. if only and only I had the support of my parents, I could honestly have been accepted in med school last year, and there would have been no regrets, belonging to my part. Since I do not have a support system, or at least support system consisting of first degree relatives, I am lost. That is what that is keeping me outside of medical college.

As for as why I want to be a doctor, the reason is simple.
- I want to enjoy the science behind medicine.

The "helping people" part is just a bonus. If I talk from a scientific perspective, every professional in science has to remain objective. They have to distance themselves from emotions and feelings and think only scientifically. They have to "completely remove the human" from themselves IF they want to achieve results. The quote is taken from Neil deGrasse Tyson, he was explaining the scientific method. I have used logic and I arrive at the conclusion that I need to remain objective before I even get into med school, if I want to make it as a doctor.

Is an MD the only answer? I have no idea. Scientifically talking, I have no idea.


So, I have two choices

1) Try to get into med school. Study for the medical entrance examination while doing my BSc course (if I don't get into med school, I don't want to ruin my career by throwing away my BSc education.) As of current, I have completed my first year and I am awaiting results. The thing I am grateful for is that I actually did well in the exams and I don't have to worry about failing the academic year. So if I go according to this plan, I will give the medical entrance examination just right after I finish my second year. If everything works out, I will not have to get admitted in the third year of my BSc course. I will get admission to MBBS instead.

2) Do not try going into med school and focus fully on the BSc course and then get a PhD instead. This was my current route up till the last couple of days or so.


As for why I was/am interesting in research instead of medicine, is because I originally wanted to be a doctor, could not, so I decided to write about science to help recover from the depression of not being able to have a career of my choice. So I instead started writing about pure science (chemistry, biology, physics, etc.) instead of medicine.

Thank you for taking the time to read. I'd love to hear an advise from you.

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, TheLonelyChemist! You already know what I think about ALL of this! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! It is NOT easy to decide what path in life we want to follow, but IT CAN BE DONE! I'd suggest to still try to pursuse it and see how it goes from there if that's what you want to do! Are there any other career possibilities and options you are thinking about as well? It is ALWAYS good to have some sort of backup plan and if you change your mind about ALL of this you can always try something else, perhaps in the field of the Science that you love so much! I DO believe that you're a very smart and strong person and FRIEND! I DO believe that you can do EVERYTHING YOU WANT if you just BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Please be kind to yourself and don't balme yourself for some past mistakes! Anyone can make them! We're only humans after all and I DO believe that's something VERY IMPORTANT to learn ESPECIALLY if you plan to be a Doctor! Just try to be kind to yourself, ok, my friend? I'm sure YOU'LL LEARN from your mistakes! That's what they are for! YOU'RE A STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH MANY GREAT, WONDERFUL THINGS! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Sending many hugs to you, TheLonelyChemist, my STRONG WONDERFUL FRIEND!

I did an intercalated biochemistry degree in my second year of medical school and didn't return to medicine, but instead did postgraduate research and ended up working in pharma for many years. This was over 30 years ago and I am now semi retired, while I care for my elderly mother. I completely understand your thinking and have often read your posts, wishing I knew how to respond. For many years, I regretted my decision, as I saw my former classmates qualify and work in medicine. I changed course for MH reasons and was also advised not to be a medical doctor by my own doctors and tutors. What can I say? They were right. I was happier in research than working with death and disease in real live people. Less trauma, sadness, tragedy, heart ache. Test tubes don't cry or bleed or die. Many of my former classmates envied me (I was amazed to learn this at a reunion) and regretted their choice in their 40s. Some have left medicine and are working in healthcare but not direct patient care. Think how you've changed how you feel from age 8 to 18. Multiply that by 5, if not more. That's how much your perspective changes over your career. What is attractive at 20 may not necessarily be at 55. Don't let your regret define you. Being a doctor is all the things people describe. But it is also gross. Puke, poo, whatever. If you believe in God, trust that He has a plan for you. And after 30 years of working as a scientist, I can absolutely confirm that you can enjoy the science behind medicine as a PhD in a lab rather than as a doctor on the wards or in a clinic. There is an enormous world of scientific careers out there, it isn't just MD or PhD. I have enjoyed my science life far more than if I had become a doctor. PM me if you need to. Warm hugs to you from England!

You are an equally amazing and marvelous friend, Mickey! Sending many hugs to you. Thanks for the kind words.

I understand what you're trying to advocate - being a doctor is very hard and unless you truly (and by that, I mean truly) have passion for medicine you will regret the decision because of the long hours and patient interactions that might be emotionally investing, many days a week, for rest of your career.

It seems the issue is in me, that I don't want to be told what I can do and what I cannot. So I continue to try to become a medical doctor despite my psychiatrist's advise.

Thank you for the valuable insight. I just don't want to be sad after I complete my postdoc and end up working as a scientist and be unhappy. That's all. I don't want to regret doing a PhD instead of MD. While the vice versa may also become true, I don't accept it. It's a bias on my part, I think.

Thank you so much for elaborating The Lonely Chemist. I'll share some thoughts on your additional posts soon here when I have a few moments. Want you to know I read your post

I will wait for your response. Thanks, Silver.

Hi Chemist,

hope you don't mind that I quoted you (bold)...to link your ideas to my responses. I would NEVER tell you what to do. These are your choices in life. I'm just sharing my thoughts about your posts. You can take them or leave them No offense taken

Because I do not behave normally when I am under tremendous stress. I cannot handle stress. Despite that, I still want to be a doctor.

This is a very important observation about yourself and at the same time you are dismissing it. I wonder why? I'm going to ask an obvious question here. If you do not respond well to stress, why do you want to have one of the most stressful jobs on Earth? Perhaps you'd like to give this more thought.

My health is poor
In order to take care of others, as a doctor or any sort of healthcare provider, a person must maintain good health for him or herself. "Burnout" in the medical field is now considered an epidemic in the U.S. and I imagine that's the case in plenty of other countries. This leads to substandard care, medical errors, patient deaths, providers with mental health problems etc. At this point in your life, I recommend making your health the priority over career or job decisions. Those can be figured out in time....health needs to be addressed promptly.
What do you need in order to have better health? Do you know? You are young and it may not seem like it now but you are currently laying the foundation for your future health. Think about ways to support body, mind, and spirit (need not be spirit in a religious sense).

my parents, although they need it as well (according to my observation) , do not want treatment from a psychiatrist.
They sound very much like my parents. They were unable to provide me with financial or emotional support but I have done well for myself. I would not dwell on your parents' limitations. Look elsewhere for support....often that will be from paid professionals (therapist or spiritual guide or life coach) if there are no close friends or folks in the community you're connected to.

As for as why I want to be a doctor, the reason is simple.
- I want to enjoy the science behind medicine.
I think of this as the other way around. Doctors aren't focused on the science behind medicine; that's what medical researchers do. Doctors of course have to learn the medicine but their focus is on the application of the science to humans; that's the daily job. Have you had the opportunity to shadow physicians in your area? I recommend that to anyone interested in a particular job. It's one thing to learn about the required credentials; it's another to actually see what that job looks and sounds like on a given day. You of course cannot know what it feels like for them just by watching but you'll get a very good insight into the actual work. And if you meet a good one, they'll share with you their joys and frustrations about their work.

They have to distance themselves from emotions and feelings and think only scientifically. They have to "completely remove the human" from themselves IF they want to achieve results. The quote is taken from Neil deGrasse Tyson, he was explaining the scientific method. I have used logic and I arrive at the conclusion that I need to remain objective before I even get into med school, if I want to make it as a doctor.
I don't agree with you here Chemist. For one thing, it's not possible for a human to remove the human from his or herself. And good doctors MUST be in touch with their feelings....not only to protect themselves against burnout but also to empathize with their patients. Professional boundaries? Yes of course but they are not robots. They are with humans at the worst times in their lives and the job involves constant ethical dilemmas for which there often isn't an easy or black-and-white answer. Neil deGrasse Tyson is not a physician, right? He has a PhD in astrophysics and teaches and does research, yes? I thought you were referring to MDs as doctors or am I misunderstanding you? What Tyson does in a day is completely different from what a MD does each day.

The way you think and present reminds me much more of a researcher than a physician. Though as I said, I think your priority needs to be self-care and improving your health. You mentioned a psychiatrist....do you have a good rapport with him/her? Can you open up and have a dialogue with them about these ideas....comfortably without feeling judged? If not, seek someone else to talk to. Find a MD or several who are willing to chat with you about their work and allow you to shadow them.

I don't know if this helps you. You have time here. I'm much older than you and have successfully worked in two different careers. Now I'm pondering over a third. My goals and values have shifted over time with age and different experiences. You are young with plenty of time to deliberate and plan. Remember that life is a journey; not a destination. What would make your journey interesting and enjoyable in your opinion? What do you want to be doing when you leave home each day until you return? Why?

Peace and best wishes to you!

Thank you for taking the time to advise me. I appreciate it.


I am dismissing it because I think it will be fixed / won't affect my performance as a doctor. Only and only if I get proper treatment and take care of myself, I account for that in the future. I am not completely sure that is going to take place like that in reality, but it's just my wishful thinking that may come true.

I have nerve damage to my arms and legs. That and I have ophthalmic problems (although my ophthalmologist says it's good relatively, and I should not panic) and those problems "may lead" to driving license problems as my ophthalmologist said. Those are two of that concern me the most. I also have epilepsy but it's managed.

I am sorry you weren't treated fairly by your parents.

Yes I look out for close friends and relatives whom I talk to for support. But it doesn't really go beyond talking.

PhDs do their work on very "isolated" areas, such as how a PhD will work on their specialty which is very narrowed down. Doctors on the other hand still have more potential for wider scope of study and much more variety in their job. That's all. I actually cannot shadow anyone but I will ask my internist about how it's really like to be a doctor.
My psychiatrist is very objective when he talks to me. And sometimes he doesn't talk at all. He treats me like I am garbage. And unfortunately I cannot switch my psychiatrists because my parents do not allow. So I guess I was wrong about that one where I said "doctors need to be completely objective" My psychiatrist is the only one I maintain a regular contact with and he's very, very inhuman when talking to me. He acts like he doesn't care all the time.

Would I make a good researcher? Yes. But I don't want to enjoy 10% of science when I can enjoy, say, 33% of science if I choose to practice as a doctor. Is medicine all science? Of course not. But I cannot find a better match as my career, if I talk all theoretically.

I am sorry that I am not "listening" that I should get a PhD (as others have advised) but I do not know. I know there are a lot of factors that I cannot change and are against me getting in and getting through med school, but my mind won't listen. Every once in a while it reminds me of medicine.

Thank you all.

Thank you LC. I am sorry if it seemed like I was telling you to get a PhD or anything else. I cannot and would not tell you what to do. I am not you. I don't live in your thoughts and feelings and walk around in your skin. Only you can determine what is right for you. I just wanted to share some ideas with you but I am sorry if I did not express them well. My depression is worse lately...I think it affects how I communicate.

I am quite disturbed by how your psychiatrist treats you. I've been there. I'm curious about why it is your parent's decision not to change docs...are you on their insurance or something? You are a legal adult, right? So I think it should be your choice. I am concerned that he is causing you more harm rather than helping. A few genuine drops of empathy can go such a long way. Is there no way at all that you can find a new doc? Or a psychologist instead?

Peace to you. You are very intelligent and a lovely guy. I hope good things are coming your way

I understand Silver. I guess I talk far too much than I should.

I am not from the US, if you were wondering. I am a legal adult but I have no source of income so I have to rely on my parents. That is why I still have to go to the psychiatrist who doesn't talk or care much. Parents are okay with him. I did go for another one but my parents thought that my hypertension (elevated blood pressure) was due to my former, good, psychiatrist-counselor's meds so they switched me back to the one who doesn't care much.

Edit : Also about my intelligence, I really have no idea whether I have extraordinary or above average intelligence. Some says I am dumb while others praise me for being extraordinary. I just try to achieve my dreams and enjoy my life in the midst of all this.

I know what it's like having your self-esteem dependent on such a high reaching accomplishment. I went through what you're experiencing and was successful but not without immeasurable amounts of misspent youth given over to an unforgiving profession. Believe it or not this is a huge blessing in disguise.

Medicine is a dehumanizing and relentless cruel mistress. What is required is foregoing your formulative adult years being given over in lieu of $300k+ education debt with minimum 6.8% annual compounded interest. For a minimum of 12 to 15 years you will have no money, no time, or both. Forget about maintaining the routine of self-care for treating whatever mood disorder has befallen you. I failed to listen similiar advice given to me, and trudged ahead to a 3.87 GPA, 30 MCAT score (I failed it the first time), & a degree in molecular biology and biochemistry with a minor in Spanish and published research in nanotechnology. These things did yield admission into medical school, but not the corresponding safety security and happiness dangled in front of me in the form of self esteem, and catharsis against all who told me I couldn't do it.

I am a board certified Emergency physician, I completed my Emergency Medicine residency in a well-known hospital in Chicago. I was stunned to find that my personal values far superseded that of my contemporaries in that "do no harm" is not such a high bar after all.

I found myself bullied, marginalized, and abjectly singled out in medicine at least in part due to some of the blessings brought about by my insights into mental illness and lack of treatment amongst medical professionals and the general patient population. A little known fact to many docs, & a dirty little secret in the medical community is that Physicians have the highest rate of suicide per capita then any other profession in the United States. We lose an entire medical school class, (over 200+) to suicide every year. if you calculate an average of 10,000 to 12,000 patients per doctor that we see yearly, it is easy to see the public health ramifications of this.

As a result of having a mood disorder my "noble profession" also makes it a habit to discriminate openly against Physicians who self-report mood disorders, substance abuse, & alcoholism. I myself have been the target of this because I made it a point to stick up for patient care in the state of New Hampshire and because I used the f-word many times against the staff that failed to follow my orders and almost killed a patient I was labeled a "crazy person" by pointing out that in fact which is crazy. In 5his Kafkaesque nightmare, I reported the hospital to CMS, the hospital Association, and smeared their reputation on Google when they threatened to sue me for canceling my contract due to unsafe patient care environment. Stupidly I dug in my heels and thought that I could fight them in court but they retaliated by reporting me to the medical board, who required I got a psych evaluation, during which I disclosed I was treated for ADHD.

Well ladies and gentlemen sound the alarms oh my God there's a doctor that has what is still regarded by many in the profession a weakness to be exploited. Because now through reciprocal action the Illinois state board wants to place my license on probation and they monitor my private mental health care indefinitely.

I have no substance abuse or alcohol abuse issues, I did not threaten nor raise a hand in violence, I had no prior issues with my medical license. There was no internal investigation or peer review at this hospital and the chief medical officer at the time was also the president of the New Hampshire Medical Society. This was the same lady that I called a "f...n b...h" when she threatened to sue me. To be fair had I known she who she was I probably would not have said that. And the allegation that I was "unprofessional" especially in that particular moment was in fact quite true. I got mad because their staff almost killed a patient, and I feel that that was something to get mad about. I'm really not even that sorry I called her what I did. However, this event in 2015 sparked a still ongoing fight against the Illinois medical board mental health discrimination that to this day I still have difficulty with gaining employment and paying bills. I often wonder why I'm trying to save a career that has really never brought me much happiness anyway.

So you see Silvertrees, getting into medical school is not the panacea of exaltation young minds tend to elevate this accomplishment to. In fact I would pay all of the $300,000 at 6.8% interest to change places with you and listen to me tell you to find something else that allows you the opportunity to find a more fulfilling and worthwhile endeavor than the corporatized, over-regulated, bureaucracy of modern medicine. In exchange, you get self-care, time with friends and loved ones, and a larger opportunity for self-determination. Good luck and my highest thoughts and prayers go to you finding your ultimate expression of love and healing.

-Dr G

For anybody interested in verifying the facts of my situation message me & I will gladly provide facts.