I feel a fake

I am struggling to feel any positive emotions at all. Even when I try for the sake of others.

I pretend around them as I don't want to be pulling others down with me.

I feel a fake person in my own body.

so are you angry about something TS

More frustrated, I know I will get there but people are playing games and making it difficult.

I feel I am letting those around me down because I am not fully present.

This is how I feel. It's a catch-22 because you don't feel present because of the depression, yet realising you don't feel present just makes you feel guilty. In my experience though, the feeling of bringing people down is completely unwarranted and just part of our self-loathing. I know that doesn't help in the moment, but try to bare it in mind.

(((((((((( Thirty Shades )))))))))

You certainly aren't letting ANYONE down here, Thirty shades! Please don't be so hard on yourself! You've helped many people thanks to your kindness and thoughtfulness, including me! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! Just try to be a little bit kinder to yourself, ok? WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU HERE! THAT'S A PROMISE! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! THAT'S A PROMISE! Please take GREAT care of yourself, ok? : throb: WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Let us know how things are going for you! We DO want to know how things are going for you! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many kind, safe, sweet and warm hugs to you, Thirty shades!

Thank you for your such kind words.

Thank you to all who support members when we need it, I really appreciate you all

Thank you for all the kind support you give here, you’re much appreciated

Much love to you and all in this thread

No need to answer these questions:

Is it possible to be fully present in your current circumstances?

Might not being fully present be, at least in part, a necessary personal/psychic defence for you (especially in view of "people playing games")?

I think I have abandoned myself again. Thank you Rohag for reminding me of that.

When life becomes too painful and I cannot take the action the would bring ultimate peace, I think it is the only thing I can do.

I cannot deal with life when feeling overwhelmed. I now feel guilty that I am not present for my kind family members.

Why do people think of anger as a “bad” emotion?

I mean the emotion, not some “bad” actions that some people might make ....
Or “bad” intentions towards others

All sorts of things can make people feel bad and maybe angry... imo
(Although I guess some of us have buried our anger, idk I’m not a shrink or psychologist)

Injustice...

People being manipulative and fake (being fake for the “wrong” reasons I mean, not to protect our loved ones ... (I hope this makes sense)

(My parental units were very deceitful amongst other things )

Even rejection hurts if we haven’t knowingly done anything wrong .. hardly rocket science but yeah

And my parental units rejected and abandoned me

I know I “should be over it” but that’s only a small part of it...

I wish I was more “efficient” at healing (and a whole lot of things)

CPTSD is a *****

I try my best

Sorry about the rant in this thread (((((((((( Thirty Shades ))))))))

(((((Thirty shades)))))

Thank you for your wise words Fuzzy.

I agree, anger is not a bad emotion, it tells us something is wrong to us.

It is of course wrong if it is used to excuse violence.

On the other hand, if we feel anger and don't process it in a healthy way, we end of being the victim of it internally.

Victims of CEN would have felt anger without realising it, growing up?

Maybe part of the reason, we suffer so now, having so many negative unexpressed emotions inside us.

I am very bad at recognising what I am feeling and processing it. My awareness is very poor.

Much love to all

My awareness is poor also. I think you’re wise. Hugs

Our feelings have a habit of hiding. Perhaps because we were not taught how to listen to them.

You are also wise.

Big hugs

((((((((((( Thirty Shades ))))))))))

Much love to you, your inner cub and inner snake