[Humpty Dumpty]

Possible trigger:

I had decided that once I left work tonight that I was finally going to go through with it. I was going to come home feed my pets, find my "tool" of choice, schedule several texts to my brother so he would find me and not my wife. Then I would do it. Just like that. For some reason though once everyone was fed and taken care of I had lost the desire. I found what I was going to use but I just didn't feel like going through with it. As much as I wanted to and as determined as I was to do it when the time came how do I just lose my desire that quickly? I "sit here looking at it and it's not that I'm scared I just don't "feel like it".

Sounds dumb. I know.

[MickeyCheeky]

I feel like that's not dumb AT ALL! I feel like there's a part of you that still wants to live, Humpty Dumpty! It may not be too big but it's there. Perhaps we just need to work to make that part stronger? Just a thought! I'm so sorry you're hurting SO BADLY! It may be selfish of me but I'm glad you didn't go through with it and that you're still here with us, Humpty Dumpty!

[Fuzzybear]

I’m sorry you’re hurting so much Humpty Dumpty.

Perhaps we (all) need to work together to build each other up, and make the part that wants to live stronger.

In real life it sometimes feels that there are few who are genuinely understanding

Selfishly, I’m also glad you’re here.

I know that’s no consolation. . You’re not alone in wanting to be done with the pain and bs in the world.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Mickey, Fuzzy I don't see y'all being glad I'm still as selfish. If you tried giving me a guilt trip for leaving you behind that would be selfish.
Looking back on it now that I've slept on it I regret not doing it. (No surprise there) I have thought about doing it now, but fear is kicking holding me back. (That's nothing new. I always have an excuse for everything.) I am such a fake. If I were serious I would quit talking about and just do it.

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't believe you're "fake" at all, Humpty Dumpty! There's probably that little glimpse of hope inside you that makes you feel like things can STILL improve and get better. I agree with that although you likely don't for the most part. That's understandable and in no way we're going to make you feel ashamed for feeling that way. It is certainly NOT your fault if you're feeling so bad! Just be kind to yourself, ok? Do you have any hobbies that you can use to distract yourself? Something to pass the time? Anything that may help you! I hope your wife is being supportive to you as well! I certainly hope things will get better soon for you one way or another! You can count on us for advice and support! WE'RE HERE TO LISTEN! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Humpty Dumpty!

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Do you have any hobbies that you can use to distract yourself? Something to pass the time? Anything that may help you!

I don't enjoy doing anything any more. I have to go to work here in a couple of hours but that doesn't help take my mind off of it.

I hope your wife is being supportive to you as well!

I don't talk to her about this. The less she knows the better. It would only cause her to worry more and in the end telling her would accomplish nothing.

I certainly hope things will get better soon for you one way or another! You can count on us for advice and support! WE'RE HERE TO LISTEN! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Humpty Dumpty!

Thanks

[Misery Business]

All I can say to this is I am thankful that you did have that quick change of mind. I have know idea why you did , but you did and for that if anything it gives you the opportunity to make this post and it gives us the opportunity to support you in the best way that we can by listening.

[Thirty shades]

((((HumptyDumpty))))

[Rohag]

Far from dumb, it's fascinating. Thank you for sharing.

Possible trigger:

You made a decision. You had a plan. You worked the plan. You lost the desire.

Did the interaction with pets have anything to do with losing the desire? Did working the plan drain you? (No need to answer.)

Analyzing what happened and didn't happen might be valuable to you and others.

[mountainstream]

[Humpty Dumpty]

I look back at this post and am reminded how much of a failure I am. I should have done something then.

[mountainstream]

I’m sorry you feel like a failure too.

[3rd rock]

I'm glad that you didn't do it. I know you don't like doctors, and that you've had bad experiences with them in the past, but I hope you at least have a good GP to see.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I'm glad that you didn't do it. I know you don't like doctors, and that you've had bad experiences with them in the past, but I hope you at least have a good GP to see.

I only go to the Dr when I'm sick and then I just do a walk in clinic. Even then it's only because I need prescription strength medicine. If I could get that with out going to a Dr I would.