I owe my father $ 30k just because I exist

I am 28. I still live with my parents, not paying rent or bills because can't find a stable job. And when I work, I spend the money on useless stuff just such as going on a vacation, buying new clothes, alcohol, weed etc. to escape from my depression. I am no use to my family and they know that.
I calculated monthly rent + bills + education expenses between the day I turned 18 and now.
If I could find a way to pay my father $30k, would I feel better? Is it possible that knowing I am a burden on his shoulders is the reason behind my depression?
My father does heavy work since my childhood. He works hard to earn money and I am no good. He works hard just to bring food, keep us together etc. What am I doing? I dropped off college twice and now I'm doing it the third time. Knowing that I am the reason behind his misery... But what is the reason behind my misery?
I just needed to get this off my chest. Let's see how I feel after posting this.

See my depression blog here: My Depression Treatment

I don't think repaying your father for child-rearing expenses would amount to an effective treatment for depression, which is a fundamentally medical problem and thus requires a fundamentally medical solution. Have you spoken to your father and/or other family about your depression? Have you sought medical care from a psychiatrist? Is such care available in your country?

Have you thought about finding a therapist?