Depression or not?

Hello. I am 26 years old. Male. And a stay at home dad. I have never talked to anyone other than my girlfriend about my mental health, so this might turn out way longer than it needs to be.
I have some recurring issues that have been present in my life for around 7 years.
I have a severe lack of motivation to do basically anything. I would describe it as a very extreme, and deep seeded laziness I guess. I feel it stems off into different problems. I have no real interests either. Watch means it's difficult to find a job I won't hate going to (hence stay at home dad, I do like it). But with 0 motivation and no real interests, I'm kind of stuck. Everyone says oh go out and find something new to do. Which I can see working for some. But I live in a very small town with almost nothing to do. I have a 2 year old with me basically at all times. And the idea of going out and doing anything really is just blanketed by this looming idea that it's pointless. It may be worth mentioning that when I was probably 21, I did a fair dose of LSD that kinda gave me this residual feeling of "nothing really matters". I thought eventually it would go away but I'm still stuck in the mindset that every day is virtually the same. Every year is virtually the same. Nothing I do really matters. Nothing I do makes me happy. On top of all of this I have severe trust issues. Every girlfriend I had from 14 to 26 has cheated on me. And my guy friends would make moves on them. So I have, as far as I can tell, lost all ability to trust basically anyone. I have 0 confidence. 0 self esteem. And I'm not really good at anything. I know a bit about computers but not enough to get me a good job here.
My daughter is the one saving grace. She's the reason I wake up. Wanting to see her grow is the one thing that feels like it matters. And I will push through everything to be here for her. But damn it sucks when everything else feels so empty. My big hobby is video games. They are the one thing I do find some enjoyment in. But then it happens. I lose all interest. I don't feel like playing anymore. And I feel empty again. Its a loop that keeps repeating. I don't have the motivation to do anything new, my girlfriend tells me to draw but I don't enjoy it. People tell me to play sports but I'm asthmatic and can't stand the heat.
I just feel like it's easier for other people to find meaning in things. And I want that. I want to feel like things matter. I want to be happy doing something. But everything seems pointless. Is this what depression is? Or is it something else?
Thank you, anyone who can help.

Hi there Nier,

I'm sorry that you're feeling like that, but I'm glad that you opened up about it, that's a huge step. Well, first of all, any diagnosis should be made by a professional, so is there a way for you to see a therapist or a doctor? Disorders like depression are usually confirmed when the symptoms (that are present for a certain period of time) impair or make it difficult for you to live, work, socialize, etc. So I don't think it's wise for anyone here to diagnose you with this very serious mood disorder, but we can share information and encourage you to look for appropriate help.

Of course, there is much more going on in your life besides what you posted, but based on it I think that you are experiencing the sadness and the blues right now. I lived with it for over a decade, so I'm very familiar with the emptiness, the feeling of not wanting to do anything, just stay at home away from the world. Nobody really understands, a lot of people think that it's just as easy as you mentioned" just get out of the house and do some activity!" so that's why it is important to reach out a professional and at least try to explain your feelings to someone close, a friend or a relative. Besides being a parent, you are young so there is still a lifetime ahead of you, so don't give up on finding that motivation and work through your healing. Every person is different so there is no solution that works for all. Be patient, and try different treatments until you feel better. I don't believe that a job, a sport, a new romantic relationship would work out right now because based on what you said, you are weak inside, so you need to strengthen your emotional/ psychological foundation before you engage on these tasks.

I hope you feel better soon,

I really appreciate the thoughts and encouragement. I'll try to find a local therapist that isn't too expensive.

Hi, welcome to psych central! It does sound like you have described depression well. I know that feeling, right now I'm feeling better but when I was younger I had it bad like that. No enjoyment.
I'm not going to push the idea of meds or therapy, but it is an option.
I had a boy alone around that age. He was my reason to get up, go out, take him to the park at least. We lived in a small town as well. But any joy I had, I had because of him.
I was also cheated on, so I know how devastating that can be.
I'm wondering if you are musically inclined at all, the last few years I have found some relief by learning the guitar. I'm not great at it, but it helps me.

Another thing that began to help me is a spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle. You could look him up on youtube, and add depression or anxiety to your search. Of course he's not for everyone, but that's about all I can think of to suggest. Come back and talk here as much as you like, I wish you well.

Have you considered seeing a doctor?

Welcome to Psych Central, Nier. Since you're a dad one additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the Healthy Parenting forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/healthy-parenting/

Here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of depression, the first 2 by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. These first 2 articles also provide links to additional articles on the subject:

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

Tips for Finding Motivation When You're Depressed

12-Steps to Creating Motivation When Depressed | Relationships in Balance

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-more...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-bi...my-depression/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.