[Mbluish]

My husband just confided in me that he’s been seeing a therapist for depression. He’s been working on a PhD and though I feel things have been different with him, I’ve chalked it mostly up to stress. He’s been diagnosed with depression but I feel that he’s also going through a midlife crisis. He’s nearly 50, losing weight, got a blond streak in his hair, and wants a fancy car. He is definitely depressed as he’s crying so easily lately. He is trying to get through this without meds. I’ve been waiting for him to be finished with his PhD before I talk to him. He’s done this week. I have been worried about him for a long time. Do I dare tell him I think it’s a midlife crisis? I’m really surprised the therapist hasn’t said so.

[Skeezyks]

Hm-m-m-m... well... honestly I don't know the answer to this. Off-hand I don't know why you should not offer mid-life crisis as a possible reason for some of what your hubby is going through. He may or may not accept it. He may become defensive. He may get mad. But, at least based on the observations you described in your post, it seems reasonable to me.

I recall having replied to your introductory post where you mentioned your husband's loss of faith. And I know I gave you links to some articles, from PC's archives, on that subject. Here are links to 3 articles on depression in men as well as 3 on the concept of the male mid-life crisis. Also included are links to 4 articles on how to prepare to have a difficult conversation, 1 on how to talk to someone who always gets defensive, & 1 on the subject of stonewalling:

Depression in Men: It Looks Different Than You Might Think

10 Things You Should Know About Male Depression

12 Depression Busters for Men

The Male Midlife Crisis

The Mid-Life Crisis: An Opportunity in Disguise?

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-m...actical-guide/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-f...-tough-topics/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...-conversation/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...conversations/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/emoti...ficult-issues/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...ets-defensive/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/stonewa...er-shuts-down/

My best wishes to you both...

[QuietTulip]

I think, from what you have said about him, your husband may well be having a midlife crisis. The therapist not have said the words "mid-life crisis" to him because some men find it insulting. I think you are doing the sensitive thing in waiting to talking to him until he finishes his PhD. I don't know, however, whether you might want to avoid the term "mid.
-life crisis" because it makes some men angry. But you know your husband best, and I can definitely see why you think he is having one

Good luck!

[MobiusPsyche]

I think "mid life crisis" can feel dismissive, making light of the problem or implying it is normal or just a phase. If he's been diagnosed with depression, why not name the problem "depression?" It's accurate.

It could be both a mid life crisis and depression. I just don't see what is to be gained by calling it a mid life crisis, is all.

Just my opinion.

[Mbluish]

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

It could be both a mid life crisis and depression. I just don't see what is to be gained by calling it a mid life crisis, is all.

Just my opinion.

I do agree it is both. I guess thinking of mentioning it is because there are different symptoms for depression and a midlife crisis. He talks about moving out to be alone for awhile thinking that will help him. That’s not depression but a midlife crisis. I just didn’t know if he would see things in a different light if he was aware. I’m just struggling and trying to find my way though this.

[MobiusPsyche]

That sounds really difficult. I hope things work out okay for you.

[sarahsweets]

I think "midlife crisis" can be like a misnomer. Sure its a crisis that hits mid-life but its a crisis based on real issues and its only the timing that makes people call it a midlife crisis.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts...

[LilyMop]

Whatever it is, it sounds like he’s having a really hard time. I think it a great that he’s already seeing a counselor. I think the best way to get him to open up to you is to just be kind and listen and hopefully you can have the important conversations with him you are wanting.