[Blackened22]

This is my first thread creation here on PC. I decided to write it about an issue that is getting worse for me, year after year.

Sorry for such a long post. In short, i go through depressive states, isolate myself socially, stop caring about most things and neglect a lot of responsibilities. Does anyone else experience this too??

Thank you for reading!!!!!

I was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2016, but i started experiencing symptoms of depression in my late teens. I'm now almost 28. I would feel hopeless and numb at times, but i would talk to friends or wait out those phases and I'd be fine a week or so later for the first couple of years. Come 2015 after i got promoted to a more highstress, customer service/HR job i fell into a funk for 2 months~. I didn't talk to friends and family as much then, but it was easy to use 'working a lot' as an excuse.

I waited this funk out, felt better for about 6 or 7 months and then fell into a worse funk. I kept going each week, taking care of my responsibilities but i was feeling emotionally/socially exhausted after 2 or 3 months and attempted to end everything. I remember i had a lot of difficulty sleeping for over a week before that dark day. I started a few medications after that but they made me even more numb so i stopped them after 2 months. I finally left that job the following year after realizing the pay and benefits werentt worth the effects on my mental health.

Following year I felt better but fell into a paranoia/anxious state, and didnt leave my home for a few weeks. I felt hopeless and paranoid, but didn't make any self harm attempts. About a month later i felt normal again, continued with life like normal but got depressed around the holidays after losing a new, promising job. I remember feeling more self shame than anything else. It lasted 2 weeks and i went to a mental hospital, started new meds again, and felt mostly normal for a few months.

Jump forward to early this summer, I'd tried several new jobs and had been single for 8 months then. I was feeling generally unhappy with the jobs id tried, then i started feeling hopeless about life in general. By June i cut off communication with everyone except the person i lived with, wasn't working or even applying anywhere new, barely left the house, and stopped paying a lot of bills.

(Possible trigger alert) i started having a lot of suicidal thoughts, i had intentions of attempting for over a month but never made any attempts. I basically stayed in bed a lot and hoped to just die. It was very lonely and boring but in my mind at the time it was what I wanted. I'm happy to say I've broken out of this recent phase, but its caused me financial stress, stress on many friendships and family members, and general annoyande at myself.

I hate that i go into these weird, isolating depressive phases. It's like I lay down to die while doing nothing. What worries me is they gradually start to happen, and they're getting worse over time. Also when these are starting and going on ita very difficult for me to communicate with people about what and why I'm feeling certain ways, like i dont make sense to myself. Part of me seems to fade away. My survival instincts start to disappear and i stop caring about living.

Has anyone else gone through similar phases and situations?? I just want to know if I'm not the only one this happens to.

I think i will have to talk to a dr or two, maybe try a different medication/treatment. Therapy intimidates me with opening up to a stranger, but i might not have many more options.

[Skeezyks]

Welcome to Psych Central, Blackened.

You wrote you: "go through depressive states, isolate myself socially, stop caring about most things and neglect a lot of responsibilities." And you asked if others experience this too. I'm quite certain you will find others, here on PC, who go through this as well. I don't happen to be one of them. My own level of depression remains, for the most part, pretty stable over time & I've simply taught myself to push through it no matter what (except for twice quite a few years ago now when I did try to end my life.)

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of depression plus 2 on the subject of suicide prevention:

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

The Biggest Lesson I've Learned in Managing My Depression

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Blackened22

I started a few medications after that but they made me even more numb....

That sounds familiar!

My experience of depression is more chronic and usually less intense than what you describe. But I'm aware of many posters whose depressive episodes approximate yours.

You say the episodes are getting worse. Are they becoming more frequent? Are they growing longer? Are they deeper?

Here's hoping you can find some effective help at a time between episodes.

[Fuzzybear]

[MickeyCheeky]

Welcome, @Blackened22! I am SO SORRY for what you're going through! I COMPLETELY agree with what ALL the other WISE, WONDERFUL POSTERS have already wisely said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! Please be kind to yourself and DEFINITELY reach out to a Therapist or a Doctor or ANY KIND OF HELP! Definitely reachout for support! That's the way to go in my opinion! It seems like you're struggling with Depression so you're DEFINITELY on the right Forum! PLEASE DO KEEP FIGHTING AND PLEASE DO KEEP ROCKING! Please keep posting here AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN AND WANT TO as we're ALL here to Help You and Support You. Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need Advice and Support. Please keep us posted and updated about your situation if you can! I am SURE plenty of others will gladly help you as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Blackened22, Your Family, Your Friends and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Please keep fighting and keep rocking as much as you possibly can like you're already WONDERFULLY doing ALL and ENTIRELY by YOURSELF! PLEASE DO KEEP FIGHTING AND PLEASE DO KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Blackened22

This is my first thread creation here on PC. I decided to write it about an issue that is getting worse for me, year after year.

Sorry for such a long post. In short, i go through depressive states, isolate myself socially, stop caring about most things and neglect a lot of responsibilities. Does anyone else experience this too??

Thank you for reading!!!!!

I was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2016, but i started experiencing symptoms of depression in my late teens. I'm now almost 28. I would feel hopeless and numb at times, but i would talk to friends or wait out those phases and I'd be fine a week or so later for the first couple of years. Come 2015 after i got promoted to a more highstress, customer service/HR job i fell into a funk for 2 months~. I didn't talk to friends and family as much then, but it was easy to use 'working a lot' as an excuse.

I waited this funk out, felt better for about 6 or 7 months and then fell into a worse funk. I kept going each week, taking care of my responsibilities but i was feeling emotionally/socially exhausted after 2 or 3 months and attempted to end everything. I remember i had a lot of difficulty sleeping for over a week before that dark day. I started a few medications after that but they made me even more numb so i stopped them after 2 months. I finally left that job the following year after realizing the pay and benefits werentt worth the effects on my mental health.

Following year I felt better but fell into a paranoia/anxious state, and didnt leave my home for a few weeks. I felt hopeless and paranoid, but didn't make any self harm attempts. About a month later i felt normal again, continued with life like normal but got depressed around the holidays after losing a new, promising job. I remember feeling more self shame than anything else. It lasted 2 weeks and i went to a mental hospital, started new meds again, and felt mostly normal for a few months.

Jump forward to early this summer, I'd tried several new jobs and had been single for 8 months then. I was feeling generally unhappy with the jobs id tried, then i started feeling hopeless about life in general. By June i cut off communication with everyone except the person i lived with, wasn't working or even applying anywhere new, barely left the house, and stopped paying a lot of bills.

(Possible trigger alert) i started having a lot of suicidal thoughts, i had intentions of attempting for over a month but never made any attempts. I basically stayed in bed a lot and hoped to just die. It was very lonely and boring but in my mind at the time it was what I wanted. I'm happy to say I've broken out of this recent phase, but its caused me financial stress, stress on many friendships and family members, and general annoyande at myself.

I hate that i go into these weird, isolating depressive phases. It's like I lay down to die while doing nothing. What worries me is they gradually start to happen, and they're getting worse over time. Also when these are starting and going on ita very difficult for me to communicate with people about what and why I'm feeling certain ways, like i dont make sense to myself. Part of me seems to fade away. My survival instincts start to disappear and i stop caring about living.

Has anyone else gone through similar phases and situations?? I just want to know if I'm not the only one this happens to.

I think i will have to talk to a dr or two, maybe try a different medication/treatment. Therapy intimidates me with opening up to a stranger, but i might not have many more options.

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! You are not alone! I feel like this all the time!

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

Trust me your not alone in how your feeling. I've done this too and I do it on and off when I'm going through my hard phases in life. Hope you talked to a doctor about how your feeling. Continue to post and let us know how your doing.

[Fuzzybear]

Thinking of you, I hope you keep posting

[MatBell]

Thanks for writing. Yes I can relate. The part of just wanting to stay in bed and isolating.
I hope you will find support here with us.