[howrer]

Is there anything I can do while waiting for the next counselling session and psychiatrist visit, both of which are one month later?

The bad thoughts are getting more and more disabling. The exam season in university is arriving. Assignments are going to be due. The difficulty spikes in lessons are getting worse. My friends are getting busier and more tired too, so none of them could help me anymore.

It's getting harder to be alone with myself, and I don't want to end up going crazy and smashing my head against the wall just because I felt useless and hopeless. I'm starting to feel like skipping classes just to rest more, because half a day's worth of sleep (not including the 8-ish hours of necessary sleep) isn't enough for me to forget the bad thoughts.

Are there any ways in which I can be convincingly kind to myself?

I want to last till the end of this one month period, where maybe I'd get my set of antidepressants or some solutions to sustain myself for the next period of my life. Where reinforcements will arrive, and maybe things wouldn't seem hopeless.

[Lilly2]

@howrer

(((safe hugs)))

When I was an undergrad and dealing with many symptoms of mental illness (I have DID and PTSD, among other things, including insomnia and chronic fatigue syndrome), I learned to break my tasks and studies for tests into manageable pieces. I also sought the help of my campus's disability access department, which allows students a quiet room for testing, extra time on assignments, notetakers if available/necessary, and excused abscences. I didn't need all those services, but it was great to know that they were there if I needed them. Some of my disabled peers did need all of those services. I aced all of my courses without even using any of the accommodations offered, except early registration so that I could space my classes out and not have them back-to-back (that was the only accommodation I truly needed).

Pacing and containing are tools that I've used when having intrusive thoughts. I considered the intrusive thoughts as "background noise," or "disgruntled roommates" inside my head. I got used to working with that "noise" in the background while I studied, and I took notes, rewrote notes, stated my notes out loud, and tested myself before exams. I'd create my own mock tests to test myself. It was hard work, but I paced myself with one little piece at a time. With written assignments, I would start with brainstorming clusters, then an outline, then filling in the outline, then editing at the very end. I considered each stage as a small goal, so that I wasn't overwhelmed with the entire assignment. With statistics courses, I learned to enjoy working on the mathematical problems until I got it right. Although I was acing my courses, I attended tutoring sessions so that the information truly sunk in. I also met more friendly peers at tutoring sessions, which was a plus.

Having a "safe object" around, like a keychain with a stuffy animal on it, or a favorite pen, really helped me to divert my attention away from the negative and focus on something safe and positive. That can also help.

If you can consider the bad, intrusive thoughts to be mere "noisy roommates" that try to visit, and then have compassion for their presence, then maybe they won't affect you that much when you're studying or taking exams. I know it's tough not to react to those thoughts, but if you can try to counter those thoughts with positive affirmations about yourself, it might help with reducing those thoughts and/or feelings/emotions connected with those thoughts. It's not easy when those thoughts are there regardless of how you feel, but saying to yourself (or even writing it down on post-it notes that you have in your notebook or on your bathroom mirror, or both): "I am more than these bad thoughts. People care about me, including people on PC. I can get through this. The thoughts are there for some reason, and I can be compassionate with the thoughts and with myself, both, at the same time. I am in a safe place, and I have help in school and online when I need it. I can make it through one hour at a time, one goal at a time." --You can choose whatever phrases help you at the moment.

I hope these suggestions help. Other people on PC might have better ideas, or ideas more suitable to your needs.

I, too, have to wait about a month or two before I get back into therapy. It's not easy waiting sometimes, but maybe thinking about this waiting period as a "relaxation time" that offers you more time to focus on your schooling and other needs. Finding something safe and happy, even if you don't feel happy, helps to at least reduce some of the symptoms you are experiencing. You may not feel happy, but you know that something safe and happy is in the room with you. You're not alone, but you may be feeling lonely. Online support, tutoring, and even a walk to the grocery store will help you feel less alone - that is, in the sense that there are other people around, even if you feel different or lonely in the midst of others. Safe and trustworthy people help, but sometimes even a kind smile from a stranger can lift negative moods - even slightly.

Having a good diet and getting on a healthy routine also help.

(((safe hugs)))

[howrer]

Originally Posted by Lilly2

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I guess I lost my sense of safety when I found that my friends are not available for me during this period of time, which is why I get distracted and distressed.

Perhaps I don't feel safe in school, or even feeling home at home. It's kinda like I got displaced from somewhere else that stopped existing in the world anymore. I can try to find something that I feel safe with - I have a stress ball that looks like a soldier which was given to me when I donate blood, so I can try counting on that.

Thanks again for the advice and calming words