[stefano]

I got o sleep around 4 am.

My alarm rings at 9. Then I pay a visit to the bathroom, and go back to bed. Then it rings again at 10. I take soe Xanax and go back to sleep. Then it rings at 11. Then I lay on my back, eyes closed, and breath to calm myself from teh fact that the day will actually START. Whne its close to 12 I get out of bed, dress my self with more or less shaking hands and then I reach a very comfortable chair where I keep breathing to calm myself, or lulling in a semifetal position, if things go bad.

I do this because so I can enjoy multiple times the feeling of going to sleep, which is my only joy in periods like this one.

If everything works, when it's 1 PM I can go upstairs for lunch, be able to actually EAT so my poor mum doesn't freak out. My mom is old fashioned (which is legit because she is almost 80), if I don't eat she would freak out.

Maybe all this makes me appear like a 50 years old basement dweller and that is exactly what I am, with the exception of having an actual JOB, but I work at home, so I don't need to wake up early.

I'm not such a disgusting SLUG when I am normal, but when I am stricken by depression (or grief, like now) that is my morning procedure.

Thank you for reading
God bless you

[Rohag]

Stefano, how does the schedule you describe above differ from times when depression-grief is not so powerful?
Concerned for you...

[stefano]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Stefano, how does the schedule you describe above differ from times when depression-grief is not so powerful?
Concerned for you...

Normally the alarm rings only once. Then I get up and start the day doing things. But right now everything has lost meaning. So I can only stay there and contemplate the void: there is no point starting it soon.
I'm safe, Rohag, just feeling pain. Thank you

[Fuzzybear]

I’m sending hugs and thinking of you

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by stefano

I got o sleep around 4 am.

My alarm rings at 9. Then I pay a visit to the bathroom, and go back to bed. Then it rings again at 10. I take soe Xanax and go back to sleep. Then it rings at 11. Then I lay on my back, eyes closed, and breath to calm myself from teh fact that the day will actually START. Whne its close to 12 I get out of bed, dress my self with more or less shaking hands and then I reach a very comfortable chair where I keep breathing to calm myself, or lulling in a semifetal position, if things go bad.

I do this because so I can enjoy multiple times the feeling of going to sleep, which is my only joy in periods like this one.

If everything works, when it's 1 PM I can go upstairs for lunch, be able to actually EAT so my poor mum doesn't freak out. My mom is old fashioned (which is legit because she is almost 80), if I don't eat she would freak out.

Maybe all this makes me appear like a 50 years old basement dweller and that is exactly what I am, with the exception of having an actual JOB, but I work at home, so I don't need to wake up early.

I'm not such a disgusting SLUG when I am normal, but when I am stricken by depression (or grief, like now) that is my morning procedure.

Thank you for reading
God bless you

I'm sorry that you can't sleep. With me? I'm tired all day and by night fall I can't sleep. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing.