[OliverB]

I am too overwhelmed, by everything. I am scared, I am tired. I cannot deal with this. I cannot sleep. Maybe I am just an hysterical piece of **** and I am exaggerating everything and it's not important and bla bla bla. Feel free to insult me. I won't think it is personal. You can be sincere.

I am a failure, there are so many people with the same problems than me or more that end up doing better, I don't understand why I cannot, and I want to, I try to. I try to eat healthy, I avoid self harm behaviours, I exercise, I work, I try to study... but still I keep failing again and again. Non stop FAILURE.


*I cannot deal with college anymore. This is my last year, I have to choose a place for my 6 month intership (either in a hospital or in a pharmacy), but since my grades are low (like a C+) I am the number 60 (Which means 59 people choose first). The problem is most of pharmacies/hospital are not in the city I live, where I live there only are 39 pharmacies and 3 hospitals and from these 39 pharmacies only 23 are compatible with my schedule (I cannot afford to pay for the bus. Luckly most of my classmates don't live where I do). I am feeling horrible because of my grades, I know I can do better but it's difficult if I have to work and deal with my mental health at the same time.


*My landlord wants to kick me out and he is going to report me for something It's not my fault. I am seeing a free attorney on Friday.


*I am having a great difficult finding another place due to my low incomes. My social worker cannot help me.

*Maybe I am overreacting. I have no family, I have CPTSD. I had two friend, I said I had because recently one of them did something horrible to us (my other friend and me,; we three lived together) and that's why my landlord wants to kick us out.

*I found a clinical psychologist that's helping me, I had the first appointment last week. The next one is in February (**** public mental health).

*I have to do my final year proyect next semester, but if I don't find a good place for my internship I cannot do it. The professor that is going to tutoring me has helped me a lot and I don't want to disappoint him

*I feel horrible, I feel fat, shapeless, like a monster. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I can't deal with all of these.

I feel like the worst person in this world. I feel trapped. It's like I am cursed or something worse. I am so tired voices start talking to me again. I wish I had done better at college. I cannot sleep. Sometimes I see something, like Death, calling me, like some sort of demon that's telling me where I truly belongs to. I am not crazy, I want to do something, I want to work and be productive. I want to feel I belong to someplace.


I just want to rest, It would be wonderful if I could, but I cannot. Things are gonna get worse if I wait. Nobody will help..

I wish I could die, I wish I could, But I then there is my dog, and my friend who needs help, and I don't want to disappoint my professor or to make my psychologist mad at me.

[MickeyCheeky]

Please be kind to yoursel, @OliverB! It seems like you're going through A LOT! It does seem like you may benefit from the help of an experienced Therapist. It is good that you're seeing a Psychiatrist, but waiting so long between appointments certainly sucks! Is it possible to increase the number of appointments you can do each month? In any case, please take care of yourself as much as you possibly can! I don't know the details of what happened with your ex-friend, but it doesn't seem fair that you should pay for what HE did. Is it possible for you to talk to your Landlord and reach an agreement? In any case, certainly talk to your Lawyer about ALL of this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he/she will be able to help somehow! Start looking for a cheap place as well just to stay safe in case anything happens. I am sure you're looking for one already though! Can your friend help you with some of your expenses? Is there any other student in your College who may give you an hand? Certainly you're not the only one struggling with things like this! Please do not compare yourself to others as you're your own unique individual and you need to do things at your own time and pace, ok? Please hit me up if you want to. I'll be glad to listen. i am sorry I can't do more to help! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @OliverB, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking no matter what happens, ok? YOU ARE THE BEST!

[bshaffer836]

Man don't let your situation consume you. None of it is worth your life. Take care of yourself even if it means taking a break.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Please be kind to yoursel, @OliverB! It seems like you're going through A LOT! It does seem like you may benefit from the help of an experienced Therapist. It is good that you're seeing a Psychiatrist, but waiting so long between appointments certainly sucks! Is it possible to increase the number of appointments you can do each month? In any case, please take care of yourself as much as you possibly can! I don't know the details of what happened with your ex-friend, but it doesn't seem fair that you should pay for what HE did. Is it possible for you to talk to your Landlord and reach an agreement? In any case, certainly talk to your Lawyer about ALL of this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he/she will be able to help somehow! Start looking for a cheap place as well just to stay safe in case anything happens. I am sure you're looking for one already though! Can your friend help you with some of your expenses? Is there any other student in your College who may give you an hand? Certainly you're not the only one struggling with things like this! Please do not compare yourself to others as you're your own unique individual and you need to do things at your own time and pace, ok? Please hit me up if you want to. I'll be glad to listen. i am sorry I can't do more to help! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @OliverB, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking no matter what happens, ok? YOU ARE THE BEST!

My psychologist is my therapist. The appointment (in February) is the first available. My landlord got tired about my ex-friend, and sice he is convinced I have more incomes, he wants to sue me. I have already talked with him and his condition for me to stay its that i pay for my ex friend room. He doesnt want another person in the flat, so i would have to pay for an empty room without the possibilty to find a new flatmate. It makes no sense. And of course, i have no money to do that. Actually, i am almost only eating at the bar I work at since I cant buy.food for everyday.
I cannot afford moving to another place so easily and having a dog makes it more difficult. It is possible I have to end up finding her a new family if I dont find a place that allows dogs.

I am sorry, I cant see a way out. I dont know if I can keep going without my dog, only thinking about it makes me tear up, she is the only reasom for me to move from my bed in the morning. I want her to have a nice life.

My friend is in the same place than me...

I am going to call the animal shelter, maybe they can help me finding a place that allows dogs. They have an association to protect animals rigths.

Reading your reply made me feel a little bit less anxious, thank you both MickeyCheeky andbshaffer836

[OliverB]

The attorney has helped me so there migth be a way to solve this