[ace333]

Long time since I last posted on here. Not much has really changed. I find myself in a really bad state of mind. I'm not suicidal, but I find myself wishing ,hoping and praying every night that that I just dont wake up the next day. I hate my corporate job that I've been working at for 8 years, and somehow I only make barely over minimum wage, but I can't quit cuz I'm so far into debt I barely have enough money for food.my apartment is a living nightmare with neighbors out of a horror movie. Between drug dealers and the smells coming from possible hoarders downstairs, I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown every second of every single day and the landlord ignores it. I have nothing to look forward too. Even my favorite hobby has become nothing but a meaningless chore. I'm so fed up with everything and people in general I dont know what to do. I'm literally living in the movie idiocracy on a daily basis and just want to scream. How am I supposed to keep slaving away at this pathetic life ?

[Serpentine Leaf]

I'm also trapped in a miserable and low-paying job. I can't quit for multiple reasons. I just had to place a mental barrier between it and me, realizing that it's just something I have to do to survive. I try to find my fulfillment elsewhere.

I understand 100% how awful it is to live in a bad apartment where you feel like you're taking a massive risk just stepping outside your door to go to work or take out your trash and recycling. Apartments where the roaches and mice were the longest-term residents. Apartments with floors that shook so much it felt like living through a minor earthquake (which I have experienced). Sirens and door-slamming and train horns blaring at all hours of the day and night. Is moving out a possibility for you? Moving is expensive and stressful, but living in a terrible place can destroy a person. I moved this year and finally found something quiet and safe, and it has made a huge difference.

Sometimes novelty is invigorating. If an old hobby feels like drudgery now (again, something I can relate to), is there anything else you have been curious about that you would like to try?

Wishing you the best!

[ace333]

I can't move, I cant afford to. When I get paid, pay bills, I'm lucky to have 20 bucks to my name to last two more weeks in between until my next paycheck. 20 bucks for food and gas...doesnt leave much room to move out. I have no family to ask for money. But money isnt the only issue. I'm tried of hating my life. I have nothing to look forward to. Everything is dull, dismal.

[mountainstream]

I know this is probably no help at all. I would try to eliminate words like pathetic when talking about my life. But I am the last person who ''should'' be giving this advice since I am likely one of the worst offenders, I wish you well.