One reason I I have such a hard time with therapists & PDocs

From my experience it's like they are incapable of thinking for themselves. They read all these books that have all these modules that say in situation X you should respond with Y. So they don't really listen. They only listen for key words. If you mention death, or suicide (no matter the context) "Sound the alram. This person is in serious danger and doesnt know what's best for themselves anymore." Then those modules are created for the majority without taking into consideration the minority. If you fall into the minority category they don't know what to do with you. So you are just labeled be on their help and need to be locked up. I have never fit into a box. I learn different from most so I was labeled one step above the mentally challenged (we had a different name for them when I was in school). I think differently than most. Even though I am suicidal I am able to think clearly rationally and logically. Psychology books will tell you that's not possible and I don't know what is best for myself right now. So once again people don't listen to me and want to throw me away and let me be someone else's problem.