grrrrrrrr why :( possible trigger :(

...........................……...………...

deleted

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

For me - how to make fewer mistakes.

My ''mother'' said to me that I was ''always making mistakes'' - she did not have any additional ''wisdom'' to offer.

I do not remember how I responded to that comment, if at all Obviously it stung me deeply as I still remember it (I wish I could forget that and other things my primary ''caregivers'' said and did to me in early childhood, childhood, adolescence....

I still do make mistakes sometimes. Believe me when I say I beat myself up very effectively for each mistake I make

Has anyone found a way to eliminate making any errors in their life? I would guess nobody has, since I do not think its possible for any human to be perfect.... so I guess the best I can do is not to beat myself up too long for every unintentional mistake or possibly less than ''kind'' word I may utter when triggered...… I really try not to do that and I think mostly I succeed (but not always) Does that make me a bad person who should be shunned? Permanently? My internal snake who was ''born'' from abuse many many years ago would say that

yes it does make me a bad person and that even if I apologize for any wrong I have done or said, that is not ok, since I do not deserve to be forgiven, much less understood...

''I'' do not agree with my inner snake's proclamation

respect and empathy to all who are battling inner snakes or inner critics or any conflict in themselves or any relationship and the beast of depression.

As a few (many?) may know I am one of the (relatively few) people who cant tolerate meds. This doesn't make life at all easy for me in real life or sometimes online either (there are many reminders, and of course anxiety due to …. CPTSD... I could go on

fuzzy who do you want to be in charge of you....in the drivers seat..

Me I suppose.... not an introject of an abusive unit or ?

are you able to make a choice about that....

sometimes... how about you little turtle?

Sometimes I find the world quite hostile and even scary... I do not like the ''truth'' that the world often is that way

and sometimes (occasionally) my inner snake reacts to a misperception...

sometimes I misread people..

and boy do I suffer from that, so many have punished me far over the top for what my snake did or said... at least it feels that way. But of course, mostly it was those ''primary caregivers'' who punished me Those ''primary caregivers'' who hurt me over and over again and kept telling me and showing me that I was ''a bad person'' who ''should be punished all my life'' (this started before I can remember and I remember something when I was 4....)

(not about anyone on pc)

fuzzy i have a story.....a young woman i knew was drug addicted and in court...
she wanted the judge to know that she made SO MANY MISTAKES....

BUT THAT SHE WAS A GOOD GIRL....the judge had tears that i could see...

we are what we are today....but today we can choose to think differently
about us....baby steps....

Thank you dear little turtle

Yet again, I have made, another mistake, quite recently.

Today is another day.... I try not to hang onto ''grudges'' …. if I even had a ''grudge'' in the first place which usually I do not...

Some judges are kind, ''the judge had tears that I could see''

Thank you little turtle

I wish I had said to one of the units that ''I AM A GOOD GIRL''

I really do not think they would have listened

with all my mistakes and being ''a bad person'' I have never been in a court of law....

I am thankful for those who are kind judges of those who are less ''powerful'' than them

and it saddens me when children are abused

or animals

or anyone who is ''vulnerable''

fuzzy i just recently was hysterical about all the mistakes
that i have made with my wife...i have hurt her....i am guilty..
but we are human beings.....he who is without sin cast the first stone...
no stone was thrown...

little turtle

I just want to say, for what it is worth, I am sorry to anyone I have ever confused or triggered on pc, it was not intentional. I am guilty, I am human, I can only take ONE day at a time, and try to do better Today.

All communication is so hard, with papa bear, with doctors, other professionals, even online sometimes.

I AM A GOOD GIRL

Today I feel sad. I am ''too needy''. I have some needs I am human

My father told me I had ''blotted my copybook''

they would not forgive

I try to forgive

I do not bear ''grudges''

I think they are poison to the soul

that doesn't mean I can wipe away memories of severe abuse irl, I wish I could

I make mistakes

I AM A GOOD BEAR

I've had a very rough day with Papa bear today
I am guilty
I am ''too easily triggered''
and when I am triggered I am not always in ''complete control'' of every word I say
neither is papa bear

does that mean we are both ''Bad people''



I'm so tired

the ''mother'' said I am an ''emotional drain''

I know it

I am guilty

I am not ''a success''

I can't ''control'' everything in the world

or let them know I am about LOVE and not hate

fuzzy-----maybe you are looking for love in the wrong places....
i dont think you will find it from other persons now...
unless you have a pet...you need to love yourself...it is so hard...
try mindfulness.....it will help you if you do it...
try looking at jon kabat-zinn....
i am sorry for being so direct...

a pet - allergic

I understand the idea of ''loving self''

you don't think I will find any love from other persons now? I am not sure what you mean... or maybe I do

The world does not have very much love..
or very much tolerance ..



mindfulness.. yes

and its sad how Desiree deleted, I do not understand what happened

I didn't ask her..

I don't need to understand

the world is not becoming more compassionate or more loving

at least from where I am.

maybe I am wrong

How long did it take you to decide that you don't think there is love from other persons now?

Jon kabat-zinn

thanks little turtle

all the suicides...

it is very sad

I would not be able to be a pdoc or a therapist

all that power

all that ''responsibility'' to heal those who have been harmed by others

or who have a ''chemical imbalance'' as the books say

fuzzy recently one good friend died young...
another good friend left...his son died by suicide..

we have to love ourself first...

yeah

love self first... that is what my parents did, but didn't …. ugh

thud

I think it would be nice to hibernate for a long time, that would be self love..

BEARS are supposed to hibernate

There is no love from those who are supposed to ''care''

we are supposed to...……………………………………

its boring



(in real life)

maybe that therapist who

….

LABELS

Wrong labels

I think I ''should'' shut up (for now anyway)