Giddy's Thoughts

So, first I have to mention how awful the third movie in the series we've been watching was. I mean, it is laughably horrible! A kid could have been doing the filming, the acting was just getting by (different cast from the other 2), and the plot twist was just a joke to the franchise! Hehe Never again! But all I can do is laugh. ^^


So, busy day for me today! Just as I was thinking I could get a break I'm reminded of taxes. (I dread doing taxes!) We have an appointment for 11am this morning, so I'm up and going slightly earlier (good thing I've been practicing waking up earlier though because this wasn't bad) Anyway, stressing about when I'm gonna have time to prep food and then cook it. I'm gonna insist we get food outside for lunch...hopefully that will be safe...because it takes at least an hour to prepare and marinate and I really want to get back to the oven cleaning A.S.A.P.! Taxes usually take a few hours for us and the stress comes with the fact that for some reason, we always end up needing to go back home for some other document here or there. I just don't ever know what to expect! Anyway, hoping all will go smoothly, but I likely won't be much available today until i dunno when. *takes a deep breath* Hehe but not to get everyone all stressed even more, including myself...hmm trying to think a happy thought here...uhhh...i really don't know. My mind is racing kinda but nothing necessarily generically happy. I've got a song in my head from my favorite album and the weather is nice-ish, maybe. Hehe

I've been on a break from the forums for awhile and might not stay long now either because of x, y, and z, but I have finally had that appointment with my GP and things are finally starting to progress in the sense that he's really getting a better idea of me and with what's going on. He was concerned about my moods specifically, so we spent a good amount of time discussing this and I recounted my latest elevated mood episode which I was finishing up as I spoke with him. He asked me "do you ever do anything reckless like driving at high speeds or spending a lot of money that you don't have?" I said, well, no. I don't do anything really reckless like that. "what about (and now I can't remember the exact wording but like) writing excessive or lengthy emails or messages?" and I said, "well, perhaps I did in the past, but now I seem to have that in control. If someone lets me and is receptive of longer messages, I do that, but if I get the sense that they don't want to talk or if I'm just getting to know someone, I try to keep it short. He said, "well then you don't have hypomania". I am relieved in the sense that I don't have to take more medications and that I can enjoy the highs that I do get, but I'm also just still stumped by what this is that I DO have. I mean, these are abnormal highs for me...or these are not my typical moods and more elevated than just having a good day. It's odd.

Oh and then now we are into the topic of marital help. I'd mentioned that I was having some issues and kinda wanted him to advise couple's counseling. This was after the appointment though, so he couldn't speak with my husband for his side of the story. He messaged me back asking if we could do another session. Well, turns out, hubby is refusing to talk to him about this. I told this to doctor tonight. Will hopefully see what he says tomorrow.

Meanwhile, it's strange, but hubby was very affectionate and comforting-like tonight and we actually cuddled. (my anger from the past few days finally subsiding some but we still have issues). It was really nice and comfortable, though it makes me kinda wonder if it's just his way of keeping me from pursuing outside help for us. I really think it's needed though.

Forgot to mention the GP prescribed a new med for me to aid in sleep as well as to eventually replace the Clonazapam for anxiety.

Well, I tried the Gabapentin last night and while it still took me a minute to fall asleep initially (got in bed at 12:45am, but didn't fall asleep until after 1:15am), it did help me stay sleepy and relaxed throughout the night...although I did have earbuds in as well for the first half of the night, but I don't think that mattered as I slept well after...and now I'm up and awake since 10:30am and feeling, well, better! So, yea...oh and no side effects (i think. i hope)
Now just to see how it will work for my anxiety. I'll be slowly tapering off of the Clonazepam now too.

I'm not so sure if it's a result of the Gabapentin or if I was just too anxious to get back to writing my story (I didn't get to write any words yesterday). But the fact is that I kept waking up feeling it was time to wake up, but it wasn't. First it was around 7:30a and then again at 8:30am. At 8:30 I just got up. I figured I could take a nap later if I needed it...at least I hope I'll be able to do so and without guilt. I did get in half of my daily words goal for today already, so that's a good start!
Oh, but so I guess the Gabapentin was/is working to reduce my need for excess sleep (??)...actually, come to think of it, I still required a nap yesterday for like an hour...I don't know. And it's probably too soon to tell how this works for anxiety since I've only started half doses of Clonazepam yesterday. (is that too drastic of a "taper"? It was GP's recommendation.) And finally, I believe I forgot to mention this part of it before. The Gabapentin is supposed to help with my OCD tics...but it doesn't seem to be making a difference at all right now. I was picking at my fingernails again last night, with the nagging annoyed feeling when I tried stopping, so I just had to finish "fixing" until it was good enough. Sigh! I dunno! Perhaps it just takes some time until this med starts working fully.

Sending hugs

Hugs back @Fuzzybear

I'm really not feeling well tonight. I suddenly started feeling really tired and kinda weak with a headache. I'm also feeling sad and missing someone. I think I'm going to sleep right now and hope the pain goes away, but I feel somehow that I won't feel better. Ok I'm not even sure if I'm still making sense. Need to sleep now.

This morning I will go in for my bloodwork (and maybe get weight checked). It's the first time I will be doing the whole cholesterol and blood glucose (I think) stuff, so hopefully I'm in a healthy range. Otherwise it will just give hubby another thing to lecture me about (stress me about) which just makes me gain more weight, right? Sigh! I'm anxious just thinking about all this now. I really hope the results are good, but I'm a little scared. :/

So, I'm wondering why I seem to keep forgetting to take my meds after lunch. I mean, like an hour after lunch. I can understand because an hour is an odd time to hold a thought. But then today, ugh!, I literally just took them out, put them in my pocket to get water, and then forgot again! wth?!! And I also took a nap again tonight. At first I thought the naps were from the Gabapentin making me sleepy, but now I'm wondering if it's from missing these afternoon meds (aspirin actually). And I feel like kinda depressedlike too before sleeping, but there's also the tiredness. Sigh!