[puzzclar]

I don't like the unknown. My anxiety has been higher. I was triggered by my t during the session. I didn't say much, but I was suicidal in the office right therein front of him.

Now about 10 hours later, my thoughts need to come out. I wasn't my normal self at work. And I'm not my normal now. I'm worried that this virus is going to affect my mental health and send me to a psych ward.

In the session, I was reminded of a past relationship that ended badly. I was 20 mins from home, he had his mother, granted he was an adult, break up with me. After I cried as I drove off. And when I stopped about a half mile from his house a police officer pulled up behind me and asked if I was okay. I don't remember what I said.

I then drove off a few minutes after he did and drove to where my sister worked, before going back home. I had to call into work and put my job in jeopardy, as it was within a half hour to starting. I went to the ER. I was suicidal even when the police officer knocked on my window..

When that memory came up, another one followed of a prior t who sent me to the ER. I've had too many hospitalizations. My anxiety was higher before the session started. Hours later, it's still high. I took a med but it didn't do much. As there is still chest pain.

Why do I keep hiding things from t. Why am I so anxious. Then at work, my hours are up in the air. I will talk with my manager and see what happens. Like I said I don't like the unknown.

I'm scared about this virus, but not because of the virus. It's more about what the virus is doing to the world. We are living in panic. It's not good for anyone.

And it's more unknown as to what will happen.

[wiretwister]

times of change are very hard , very hard for me as well , I have good meds , a good T and a pdoc plus a loving family . . .. but it is still hard . . . . you are not alone in this , we will get thru this together , keep posting . . . . pm if you like . . . . people here care , never forget you are wanted and loved . . . . . Tigger .

[puzzclar]

I have been dragging not really wanting much. And I've been up for 25 minutes. I have things to do but I'm worried. I have so much to do and not much will to do those things.
I have a discussion post for class and two papers to work on. Yet I need to do some self care. I also have another assignment that is due in 6 days. The papers are due in 10 days. The post was due yesterday.
Yet right now, taking care of me is more important than ever. I don't want to withdraw from the courses.
Then there is work, and I want to not work but that could have other ramifications. What if I can't get ahold of my boss, do I need to go higher and get him to acknowledge that it is a problem. I'm scared there too.

I have to keep going, but it isn't good to push too hard. At least right now for me. Well, I need to do something. But what would help??