I'm alone since my boyfriend died yesterday and getting in bad shape. Please help me

Rose I am sorry to hear what you are going through. If moving wasn't so stressful I'd say maybe moving somewhere new that you could make new memories would be good. But I know moving entails a ton of stress that you don't need right now. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you

i'm sure your sister called the cops because she cares about you. i'm so sorry you are feeling such deep despair.

Mon. was the most mournful day of my life. That eve I became pretty much hysterical. I was taken to the hospital, thanks to my sister, which was a good thing.

I was diagnosed with diverticulitis and started on antibiotics. Also I was admitted to an inpatient psych unit. That's where I am now . . . probably not for much longer. Having people around me is helping. Fairly soon I must face being home alone without my beloved friend and love-of-my-life, who is gone. I must then find human contact, or I will be recurrently in severe crisis. That may be hard for me to find, esp given Covid restrictions. I hope I figure something out.

I am impressed the hospital did not just read all your symptoms as manifestations of a "mental" problem and searched for other problems.

what about fostering an animal from your local shelter? it is kitten season.

It sounds like you are experiencing post traumatic stress Rose. There should be a psychiatrist at this inpatient psych unit may be better than the other psychiatrist you talked to You can talk about meds and also if there is an outpatient program once you get some medication and stabilize.

Good thing you got checked and put on antibiotics.

Well, they would have been no dumber than I was, myself. I had a history of diverticulitis - twice - years back. Yet for a few weeks I chalked up my lack of appetite, nausea, belly butterflies and occasional odd cramps to emotional stress.

Food for thought.

Thank you, OE. Excellent points - all of them!

Some of that is in the works. And you give me more food for thought. Much appreciated.

Rose, I am so proud of you! Lots of love to you!

Take advantage of the care and the rest and stabilizing Yourself. It’s time for you to invest in your own care with whatever help you can get from the system. From what you have been sharing it really sounds like you have experienced a post traumatic stress breakdown. I wish that was explained to me when it happened to me and I ended up in a psych ward for 10 days. It would have helped me so much.

Well that was thirteen years ago. More is understood about it now. You have been through a lot it’s not surprising. Talk things out so you get the right help. You deserve it Rose

💕🙏

i haven't been on the boards much for a year or two. off and on i have read your threads, long ago i commented on- one a long time ago. i was under a different name then.

i teared up reading your post, this loss is one i can't understand from personal experience- other than the misfortune of my brother.

consistently coming to the boards is not something i've done in a while, but i'll keep up with this thread to -- if for nothing more than to be someone listening and with you.

I so appreciate all your posts. I am - like - 9 years participating in PC. All my threads have been under the one screen name that I have now. There's been a lot of threads about my relationship, which had ups and downs. Members have been sensitive. Life and what we go through with whom we love can get complicated. Ultimately the love my dude and I shared was central and overpowered past misgivings. I'm glad I experienced all I coukd with him. If I can get past the acute grief, my hope is to be able someday to remember him and smile. Actually, that is already happening here where I'm a peer among others getting help. My peers and staff have all, without exception, been kind and supportive. From a window at the end of the hall where my room is, I can see the top of the VA medical center and the big flag. I tell myself, "Don't stand here staring at that structure where I spent so much time with my guy who got most of his treatment there. Don't do what you know can get you all upset. Don't overly dwell on the loss of him." So I kind of avoid that window . . . not totally . . . but no need to take my walks along the hallway by moving along. No stopping and staring.

How ironic that I can see the VAMC from where I'm at now. But I see just a small part of the structure . . . the very top of the main building.

I've been inpatient a few times over the past. It's not always a helpful experience. This is feeling so positive. That surprises me. It feels like a gift. But I can't cling here for long. Being home by myself will be a huge challenge. I think my providers here (PA, MSW, etc.) are truly appreciating how at risk I could be for letting this loss destroy me. Alone and isolated, the pain could be unbearable. Here I talk with peers and staff so much. I have to transition from being with my s.o. 24/7 constantly caregiving to entering into the life of the community around me. COVID is making that extra tough. Somehow there has to be a way. I have to find it.

Somehow there has to be a way. I have to find it.

You will find it, Rose. Just be patient with yourself and accept help.

Tiday was a decent day. An interval of grief and failing hope. Support from a kind staff member. And I moved on. Have felt positive much of today - mainly when I interact with peers/staff. Peers help me a great deal.

Wish there was a good place for peer consumers of psych services to share mutual support IRL (like here) Used to be. in 2003. then it changed and wasn't too good anymore.

I have to just look and look.

That is great advice!

Fingers crossed someone you meet at this place will know of somewhere offering irl support. It does seem like there's a big gap when it comes to that in my area also but hopefully there will be doors open to you via this inpatient program.

Rose, thinking about you. Sending hugs

how are you today, my friend?

Improved. Not as prone to weepy spells. I'ld like to get out soon.

They put me on a bunch of meds. maybe they help.

remember to give yourself the time you need to heal.

i'm supposed to get discharged tomorrow. i think it's the appropriate time.

hope i can find ways to not be alone. i suppose i could volunteer at a charity thrift store.

I think that's a great idea. Personally I love thrift stores.

I'm home now. I've been okay . . . no hysterical meltdowns.

I was put on a bunch of psychotropics. got to figure out which might actually be worth taking. i go soon to an outpatient place where I'll work on med management.

Keeping busy always helped me some. I think volunteering would be great for you.

Med management will be important, I'm relearning to be patient with them myself.