I'm alone since my boyfriend died yesterday and getting in bad shape. Please help me

Have you experienced a loss where you grieved hard? Maybe I should start a thread on grief. Where would I put it? Relationships . . . or depression? Some other forum?

Yes, busy helped a lot. Best of all I found talking with other people.

I've grieved hard terribly in a few cases.

I can't say where exactly it should go. Perhaps relationships. Where ever it is, as long as it is able to help you connect with those who've been or are in similar positions and that this experience does you good.

((((Rose76)))) I am so sorry for your loss. Death is the one justified fear of love.
Even for those who live a very long life, one person will most always go before the other. You are very brave for allowing yourself to feel love so deeply.


One of the best pieces of advice I was given by my college therapist when my fiance passed suddenly in a plane crash (he was 26, I was 24) was this:
"Allow yourself the right to grieve."

Females are often looked down on for having emotions and experiencing them. "Is it that time of the month AGAIN?!" And so on... "Oh you are crying like a big sissy!" All of this has caused us females to feel bad for feeling bad. It is very hard to let ourselves feel our truth and our pain without hearing those negative statements in our heads. We cry and we feel ashamed of doing so.


Give yourself permission to feel the pain you need to feel. This is a loss that you will not "get over." I am not saying that in a bad way at all. This type of a loss is not something a person NEEDS to "get over" or do away with. It is a loss. It will not reverse with time. It can't be filled by anyone else. And it is not fair. But it is life. And it is love. True love.

Even now that I am 50 I still have days when I cry a bit if I see something that makes me think about "my Bob." And that is just fine. There is nothing wrong with me for holding him precious to my soul all these years later.

But the wonderful thing is that time does allow me to also enjoy my good memories of him. The pain of his loss is no longer as soul-destroying as it was the first year. And when I hear his favorite song on the radio, I can now sing along with it and laugh thinking about us singing it together. Maybe a single tear will fill my vision at the end of it, but I don't have to pull over anymore.

Your pain is your proof that you can love others. I am sorry it hurts this deeply. But I am happy for you that you have loved and have been loved so greatly.

Rose there is the grief and loss forum you can post a thread in.

WePow - your post is very understanding of how I've felt. Last evening I literally had to "pull over" in my car when a song on the radio got me emotional. (Linda Ronstadt - Ooh baby, baby. I had an "episode." It lasted 25 minutes. It was painful. Then it subsided and I was alright.

I am glad you are discharged. I think you are doing very well considering that he just passed. Your grief is expected. My dad felt a little better after first death anniversary of my moms. He felt acceptance to some degree. First year was quite bad. For all of us. I’d say grief never goes away, it just takes more manageable form

There is a grief support forum but it’s not active. I think you could try relationship forum or coping with emotions forums. Those are forums for everyone. People would only read on depression forum if they suffer from depression themselves or follow “new posts” feature (like I do). But I probably would miss good threads and posts on here if I didn’t check “new posts”, I check other forums frequently

Grief is universal and you’ll get responses on those forums.

I have a book “grief one day at a time”. Short passages for daily readings. Got it from Amazon. Something like this might help

I had a good day. Teared up twice. But quickly shifted attention to what I needed to get done. Got important things done. I hired someone to help with starting to clean my apt. Her job was the bathroom littered with old paint chips, left by the painter my landlady sent in. She brought an assistant. They did a super job. Not cheap, but with new shower curtain and new rugs, my tiny bathroom looks adorable.

I will look for grief support forum. thanks for telling me about it.

I screwed up. This morning I was supposed to go to an outpatient psych clinic. I had nothing in writing with the date & time. Just a phone call while I was driving. I couldn't hear right or write it down. Somehow I thought it was next Friday. I hope this doesn't make them not want me as a client. I'm supposed to get med management and counseling there.

I've been feeling pretty hood since I got some care at the psych hospital. Everyone there was so nice to me, staff and patients. It changed how I felt about life. My main problem, underlying my recurring depressive episodes, is lack of human warmth in my life. But I'm working on that. I had coffee and a long talk with my next door neighbor. She told me to come by for coffee more often. Tomorrow I meet someone else for coffee. Also have a coffee date with a former co worker Sunday eve. So that's an encouraging start.

Hugs Rose. Meeting with people is the right thing to do.

I'm doing well past few days.

I'm so glad you're doing better, Rose. God bless you!

Excellent, Rose, excellent!! No one deserves it more.

I am glad to hear you are doing better. Hugs

Ditto.

Thanks all of you for the warm encouragement. I continue feeling pretty well.

Today I had my telephone interview wiith a provider at that out-patient clinic. He wants my sleep better regulated and has ordered Seroquel to take in the evening. I'll start that tomorrow night.

Sleepy now. Going to bed.

seroquel's fairly effective. i hope it helps

I read that it can cause weight gain, which I don't need.

I also have Vistaril. Last night 100 mg of that seemed to help. I fell asleep about 1 a.m. Woke up at 4:30 a.m. and could not go back to sleep. But I feel rested, and I'm sorting through bags and boxes. I thing it'll take 2 months to sort stuff ou.

i'm glad you're keeping busy. seroquel can cause weight gain, i advise keeping your diet minimal with sugar and junk. walking regularly or going on runs may also help.

i hope you sleep better tonight. if your sleep stays like this, though, i think you should contact your doctor about it.

The CNP at the outpatient clinic I'll be using is focusing on my sleep pattern as a place to start in me feeling better.

I just had a bad spell of grief. Looking at his weekly pill minder boxes that I used to fill up a few weeks at a time. He got a lot of meds. For years I have been filling up those boxes. Since, like, 2011. So long ago, I forget when I started. I won't be filling them anymore. And I'm crying over this.

I've been spending time with other people because being isolated seemed to drive the depression I recently experienced. This involvement is mostly me meeting other people's needs. I'm sick of being used. They don't even ask me how I'm coping with my loss. 3 different "friends" today turned to me for consolation. They all want me to be their private duty nurse or personal counselor. All of them - utterly self-preoccupied. I'm tired of giving so much to get back so little.

I am remembering the sweet little hugs he started giving me in recent months. When I would pass his chair, he would reach up for me. It was very cute . . . the little embrace and a little kiss. It seems like that was a million years ago.

I must stop these people who want to drain me.

What do you want from others that will help you Rose?

Rose, I'm very late to this thread but am very very sorry to hear about your boyfriend's passing. I've never been very interactive on here but have known you to post about him a lot. Glad that your posts say you feel a bit better now. You don't owe people around you constant support when you are dealing with a heavy loss yourself.
Re seroquel, I went on it earlier this year and was terrified of weight gain but so far it's fine.

Absolutely, Open Eyes. For a change, right?