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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,508
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#1
My love and companion of 35 years died yesterday. I'm pretty much all alone until I travel 2000 miles to where my family is and where his is.
So I am here in his apartment, where I have lived most of the time, since 2014. I am surrounded by his absence. My grief hurts bad. I expected that. He died here at home in my arms yesterday. He had lung cancer and other serious illnesses as well. This past week he kept wanting to embrace me. It was so sweet. I must not become depressed. I've been through grief before. Grief honors the person who is mourned. But depression is an evil monster. I can't let it claim me. I need to take a shower. It's been days. I was so busy caring for him, I didn't find a good time to go in the bathroom long enough to shower. He had delirium. He would call me and panic, if he thought I wasn't here in the apartment with him. By the time he fell asleep at night, I was too exhausted to shower. So now I can. This is the way to stay sane. To do what I need to do. Right now my life almost feels like it's worth nothing without him here to love me. Please, somebody, tell me I'm not alone. I do have to be alone for awhile, but that's temporary. Please tell me I can get through this. |
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
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#2
Dear Rose, I was thinking, it might be good for you to find a grief support group, where other people are going through the same thing. You would feel like you are all going through it together. And you could help each other. Even give & receive a hug now & then. You might even end up with a new friend. What do you think? God bless you, Rose!
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,508
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13 5,424 hugs
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#3
That is a good idea. I will look for one.
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#4
Rose very sorry to hear it. I have followed some of your posts...
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,258
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#5
My sincere condolences to you, Rose. You honorably cared for him for a long time. You are not alone and there are good times ahead.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
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#6
Quote:
Your actions show how caring and compassionate you are. It was tough but you can be proud. It will get better. As time passes, you will think more and more of his best qualities and his best days. Right now, you are picturing him as he was at the end. But this does fade. It really does. |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 2,025
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#7
You can get through it, Rose. You are one strong lady and you gave 120%. You will make it, one day at a time.
I've followed your situation since I joined the Forum in 2018, and though I stopped responding because I didn't think my posts were helpful to you, I've continued to read yours. I think the grief group is an excellent idea. Many have found them helpful. My sincerest condolences on your devastating loss. __________________ |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,508
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13 5,424 hugs
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#8
Quote:
I have to get busy and ready to fly across the country. I must start doing the things I need to do. |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,508
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13 5,424 hugs
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#9
Thank you all above for the posts and hugs. I feel less alone.
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 549
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#10
I don't know what to say except that I'm so sorry for your sadness, pain, and loss. I hope you get through this.
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#11
My heart goes out to you, Rose. Prayers and love to you.
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 40
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#12
May all our shared condolences bring you comfort and may our prayers ease the pain of this loss and loneliness💞
You are a very brave and strong person to be able to do that for your loved one. Hope you won't forget that. May the Lord give you strength and love to last until you can fall back into your families warm embrace. __________________ “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy” -Leo Buscaglia |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,535
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#13
Oh Rose. I just see this post. I am so sorry so sorry. What can we do, if anything.
We are with you in spirit. Sometimes to get through this is to stay busy. And grief support could help. I send you many hugs. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,535
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#14
The 7 Best Online Grief Support Groups of 2020
Also if he was supported by hospice in his last days, they provide free counseling for a year after the death of your loved one and they also have resources, they should be able to help |
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Rose76
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Kolkata, West Bengal, India
Posts: 653
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#15
Quote:
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: usa
Posts: 1,482
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#16
hi rose, i spent 26 years caring for my pets. they occupied my days and nights, my thoughts. my dearest friend was my ex but he was my ex. my mother was the only other constant in my life. when my pets died and my mom died, i was left purposeless and adrift and feeling so lonely. i still feel that way at times but that is only because i am very passive. you took such good care of your boyfriend. your posts were filled with all that you did for him despite the ups and downs. he was your world. now that he has passed, it might be quite an adjustment for you. you will have to find a new purpose. i really feel for you. you try to help others everywhere on pc. you really deserve to be happy.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: Limsa Lominsa
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#17
Rose, my thoughts are with you. I've followed some of your posts. You sound like a very caring and loving person. You're not alone. I know you will make it. As someone suggested, a support group will be good. Sending love and prayers.
__________________ ‘Live for now,’ ‘This too shall pass,’ ‘Everything is happening for my good.’ |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,508
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13 5,424 hugs
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#18
You all have given me a wonderful collective embrace.
Today I traveled with his body from the southwest to the northeast. Now being drive by family to be with family. Sitting in the back seat, reading these posts was a comfort. Thank you, my friends. |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
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#19
Thanks for letting us know what is going on. Im sure im not the only one here who is concerned for your wellbeing during this difficult time.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,692
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#20
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