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#1
Sep 11, 2020, 03:46 AM
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I have been told by 2 different people in a week (this last week) how wrong it is to be me.
How wrong I am to speak my truth, Since I was literally silenced and almost mute throughout my chidlhood, and hated by almost everyone for being so ''quiet''...... it is part of my healing to be able to speak. If anyone does not like that, or does not like me, they are very welcome to stay away from me. I ''count my blessings'' every day. I do not like being told to ''count my blessings'' when I express a part of something which has contributed to a severe anxiety disorder, a severe mood disorder (which almost required ''hospitalisation'' and ''complex'' PTSD. I was also ''diagnosed'' as having ''avoidant personality disorder''' ... whether or not that is correct I do not know. But I am not a ''coward'' for speaking out. I am not ''weak'' for speaking of my pain  At a ''family'' gathering a year or so ago someone I did not even know said to me ''enjoy your life'''...(how about telling someone with bipolar, CPTSD or severe depression to ''enjoy your life'' ''others have it much worse'') (who would ''choose'' to have any of those things. And I had never spoken to that person before!! And I tried to be cheerful, friendly and polite. As I always do (occasionally I speak of my pain to ''close'' people.... I had heard that is supposed to be healthy rather than bottling it all up and getting sicker......) And I did not think I had ''failed'''....And i had taken ''meds'' in the hope I did not look ''too anxious''.....) and I will not tell you what else that person said. I do my absolute best to ''make the most of life'' and the (few) good relationships I have! I have not been ''blessed'' with children. I wanted children but instead the doctor bluntly told me I had a ''brain tumour''.. Ah but it could have been worse. I could have died. Frankly, I sometimes wonder what my purpose in this life is. Someone at work told me I was a ''coward'' because I had severe anxiety attacks involving having tp rush to the loo with almost no warning and shaking hands making it impossible to do my job ''adequately''. I also made mistakes at work because of my severe anxiety and depression (and possibly adhd) The doctor I saw simply dismissed me as ''you were not coping with your problems'' and said his opinion was ''justified''. I ''should'' be ''grateful'' he did not commit me to some involuntary inpatient facility for trying to find some ''help''I ''should'' be grateful my half sibling has completely abandoned me? And I never spoke a mean word to him, ever. I loved him. He told me ''you are not good at anything' maybe he was right. maybe I am such a ''failure'' I deserve to
Possible trigger:
Please do not suggest I ''send him a christmas card'' as someone once suggested to me (with no empathy)... I have done this several times with NO response. He (my half ''brother'')insulted my lovely Papa bear as well as me with his complete cruelty and indifference, Thank you for listening to my ''whine''.... being preached at never helps me ... in fact, frankly, it makes me suicidal. I am also having a fang pulled next week Please do NOT make any reference to the ''situation'' in the world if anyone replies to this, it is a trigger to me. I try to respect other peoples triggers and since this is my thread, I deeply appreciate the same respect from others 
Possible trigger:
If I sound ''bitter'' in this post so be it. I was also thrown out onto the streets by negligent parental units when still a cub and a doctor abused me by saying I was a ''bag lady''.. and projected HIS inadequacy and incompetence onto me I know what it is to have no food to eat.
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Last edited by Fuzzybear; Sep 11, 2020 at 04:55 AM. |
 little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades, Yzen
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 little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades
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#2
Sep 11, 2020, 04:00 AM
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I am also ''a useless'' person since several sociopathic abusers told me this and I can not cure those friends who I love who are also suffering, and I am not very practical.
When my mother, who told me I ''gave her no pleasure'' and that she was ''sick to the back teeth'' of me threw me out onto the streets she said ''you will sink or swim'' and ''I cannot be your meal ticket''.. she had luxury holidays and lived in a lovely house while i lived in tiny rooms with abusive men or *****y girls. Or on the ''streets''... no wonder I becane a bear. She ''justified'' her callousness by saying I had been ''spoilt''...and was ''selfish''. NO. They were mean with money, with ''love'' with everything. I had NO BRICKS as a toddler - and I was blamed endlessly for ''not being practical'' (she could not be bothered to teach me anything about how to be a woman) but they could afford to pay abusive au pairs who came and went to ''look after'' me so SHE did not have to ... and then they abandoned me. One of the au pairs pushed me down the stairs and I broke my arm. Then Two more broken limbs. And abusive nurses in the hospital And living in squalid ''bed sits'' with entry level jobs (I was too ''sick'' to fulfill my ''potential'' .. I have a degree. She said ''i will not let you live under my roof to take a business course or secretarial course  My ''chronic'' anxiety attacks prevented me fulfilling my ''potential'' as a teacher or as anything else. I ''should'' be grateful I was able to find menial employment so I did not
Possible trigger:
I guess I am ''a worthless person'' My empathy, thoughtfulness and compassion for others is ''nothing'' I am so unworthy, Please do not post about how you threw your son out onto the streets so he could ''learn to stand on his own two feet''.. I am FEMALE. I have NO SIBLINGS. They wanted me to be ALL ALONE and to be PUNISHED for being me. I would NEVER do that to any child of mine Those were the words the maternal unit said to me ''stand on your own two feet''... and ALL ALONE (someone posted to me years ago telling me how she had thrown her son out and my thread was derailed by people supporting her, and I was the OP. I did not even say anything How dare I speak MY truth?
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Last edited by Fuzzybear; Sep 11, 2020 at 06:52 AM. Reason: typo |
| little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades, Yzen
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| little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades
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#3
Sep 11, 2020, 04:38 AM
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I have (more than once) mentioned the failure of professionals in this forest irl to LISTEN. I am sure there are SOME ''good'' professionals in this forest but the number who do NOT listen or offer basic respect is SCARY BAD. what is there to be ''grateful'' about in that?
I also have several (many) close friends in the USA who HAVE found good help. I am not in the USA. If I was mute or only talked about my ''blessings'' in one line sentences, I would have NO friends, I had only one friend as a cub. I did not speak. Probably the biggest mistake of my life was to try to ''confide'' in a GP having ''coped'' with severe anxiety and other MH stuff for years. He abused me. I ''should be over it and should have moved on''.... I have ''moved on''..... to several other GP's who also do not listen. In fairness, one or two of them did attempt to offer basic respect, within the constraints of the buroccrassy. (I can spell. I am not stupid either) I HATE it when they talk down to me and use scare tactics. My anxiety is already severe without that abuse Now I stay away from them whenever I can. I NEVER visited a doctor for a ''trivial'' reason. NOT EVER.
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Last edited by Fuzzybear; Sep 11, 2020 at 05:07 AM. |
| little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades, Yzen
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| little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades
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#4
Sep 11, 2020, 05:26 AM
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hugs fuzzy bear...
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| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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| Fuzzybear
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#5
Sep 11, 2020, 07:30 AM
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Quote:
__________________
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| little turtle, Thirty shades
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| little turtle
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#6
Sep 11, 2020, 09:02 AM
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Are those of us who notice the truth ''insane''?
 
__________________
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| little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades
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| little turtle, Thirty shades
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#7
Sep 11, 2020, 09:15 AM
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You and I are ''outsiders'' dear little turtle. Too many people cannot bear the truth and can't even be bothered to listen. But are all too happy to talk about their stuff (and minimize ours
)Do you think it's ''weak'' to be mostly kind and patient? Seems that too many do. And, of course, when I am angry I am a ''terrible person''... Empathy ''should'' be taught in schools! In my not so humble opinion!
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| little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades, Yzen
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| little turtle, Thirty shades, Yzen
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#8
Sep 11, 2020, 10:42 AM
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Quote:
Kind people are STRONG. It takes a lot of strength to be kind to someone who isn’t going to be kind back. It takes a lot of strength to treat others with empathy and caring when many of them will never care for you (or anyone). Being kind is not giving in and showing weakness. It is showing a strength in caring about this planet and humanity. Kind people look at our world as being expansive and open to their hearts. They feel. Unkind people have a perception that is narrow and their hearts are closed so much they don't see others and feel very little. |
| Fuzzybear, little turtle, Thirty shades
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| Fuzzybear, little turtle, Thirty shades
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#9
Sep 11, 2020, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
__________________
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| little turtle, Thirty shades
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| little turtle
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#10
Sep 11, 2020, 06:48 PM
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Wow.
  Dear Fuzzybear, you have used words, and you used them to put much together all in one place. Brava! PS: Sorry about the fang.
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Fuzzybear, little turtle, Thirty shades
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| Fuzzybear, little turtle, Thirty shades
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#11
Sep 11, 2020, 07:10 PM
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Quote:
__________________
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| little turtle, Rohag, Thirty shades
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| little turtle
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#12
Sep 12, 2020, 09:03 AM
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Quote:
I AM GOING TO DO...i am trying to follow and practice the golden rule... |
| Fuzzybear, Rohag, Thirty shades
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#13
Sep 14, 2020, 02:13 AM
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Speaking the truth cannot be wrong...
Thank you for sharing a part of your truth, I sense there is so much more to tell. None of us can change how we are or how we feel... We need love, support and kindness to aid us to be at the top end of our existence.
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| Fuzzybear, little turtle, Rohag
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| Fuzzybear, little turtle
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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