Dark Days

Deilla · Jan 16, 2021 at 10:58 PM

I've been really depressed these past few days. My emotions are all over the place. I am down then up then down again. My thoughts are very negative. I shared some of them with my med provider yesterday. I was afraid she would make me go in-patient. I could hear how nervous she was on the phone. We decided to increase my AD. She said if that didn't work, we can try Latuda.

I keep forgetting to use REST. I'm too sad to use DBT. I just feel my pain and push myself to do chores. That's all I ever do anymore. I struggle with housework. I have no purpose in life. I guess maybe giving a home to two rescue kitties is a purpose.

brackenbeard · Jan 17, 2021 at 01:23 AM

hey deilla! been here, it sucks, dunno why i revisit this place so often! sounds like weariness, yknow. weary after all the years. sometimes knowing what to do isn’t enough. freshening, spontaneity, invigoration needs to take place too! that could be as simple as driving somewhere new to take in a view and have coffee or anything out of routine. .02

Turtle_Rider · Jan 17, 2021 at 02:39 AM

I am sorry that you feel that way.

Believe me, most people don't know what are their purpose in this life. You don't have to worry or care about that.
Anyway, I enjoy your other posts (in The Coffehouse section). They do interesting.
Cheers.

Jan 17, 2021 at 04:16 AM

Deiila,

Sorry to hear about your struggles! Yes, giving home to rescue kittens is a purpose! Their lives depend on you! For them you mean safety. They don't care about your thoughts or if you are up or down. To have you means everything for them.

Please don't give in now. They will find a medication that will work for you, but perhaps not at the first try. Continue to stay in contact your provider. Please let not thoughts about eventually becoming an in-patient disturb you. They will find a solution for you, this or that way. Life will become better after this!

Thinking on you!

Deilla · Jan 17, 2021 at 12:36 PM

Thank you for all the support! I appreciate it. Today I am feeling more upbeat. I felt good early in the morning then I had some more bad thoughts later. I was able to use REST and went to sleep. Now I am calm and relaxed. I've been listening to birdsong, which cheers me up.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Jan 17, 2021 at 12:37 PM

I'm glad you're feeling a little better

TunedOut · 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deilla

I've been really depressed these past few days. My emotions are all over the place. I am down then up then down again. My thoughts are very negative. I shared some of them with my med provider yesterday. I was afraid she would make me go in-patient. I could hear how nervous she was on the phone. We decided to increase my AD. She said if that didn't work, we can try Latuda.

I am glad you reached out. Are you immediately able to increase your AD or are you having to wait on a prescription?

I notice you are on PC a lot. For me, if I am on PC all of the time, it can feel a bit compulsive which is a feeling I know I need to pay attention to and tell my doctor. PC is such a good thing until I begin using it mindlessly. Don't know if this applies to you but wanted to throw it out there. With the pandemic and winter, this is one of the main things some of us have to do

but sometimes it just isn't enough but hope you keep on feeling better!!!

.

MickeyCheeky · Jan 17, 2021 at 01:55 PM

So Sorry that you're struggling so badly!

It is REALLY good that you're reaching out to your own doctors to get some Support! Please do keep practicing self-care as you're already wonderfully doing and definitely keep in touch with your doctors and do not forget that we are here for you as Well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Deilla, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Deilla · Jan 17, 2021 at 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TunedOut

I am glad you reached out. Are you immediately able to increase your AD or are you having to wait on a prescription?

I notice you are on PC a lot. For me, if I am on PC all of the time, it can feel a bit compulsive which is a feeling I know I need to pay attention to and tell my doctor. PC is such a good thing until I begin using it mindlessly. Don't know if this applies to you but wanted to throw it out there. With the pandemic and winter, this is one of the main things some of us have to do

but sometimes it just isn't enough but hope you keep on feeling better!!!

.

Thank you! I am waiting on the increased med to arrive. It should be here tomorrow or Tuesday. I do use the forums a lot. I feel like it helps me. It's self-soothing to answer questions in the Coffee House. I also like to do journaling prompts. If I journal stream of consciousness, I get more upset. So I prefer to respond to prompts.

Deilla · Jan 19, 2021 at 03:58 PM

My med increase arrived today. I've already taken it. At the moment, I feel good. But earlier today I was very depressed. I'm starting to think lack of sleep is part of my problem. The more rest I get, the better I feel. Nothing has changed since this morning except that I took a nap. I still have my same problems and same worries. Yesterday I was very upset cause someone reached out to me about working for them. That's a good thing but emotionally I can't handle work right now. I was so stressed out about this. I finally told them I wasn't available and that I would contact them when things changed. I felt better after I did that. My panic went away.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Jan 19, 2021 at 07:50 PM

That's great, Deilla. Does it take long for the meds to work?

Deilla · Jan 19, 2021 at 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

That's great, Deilla. Does it take long for the meds to work?

The last time I increased my Effexor, it took a few days before I felt better. So not too long. But about 2 weeks before I really know for sure.

I just woke up a little while ago. I slept about 5 hours. I feel pretty optimistic. I'll get more sleep later on.

Deilla · Jan 21, 2021 at 02:07 PM

Today is day 3 on the increased Effexor. I feel better. Not sure if it's the meds or my attitude. I've been working closely with my online therapist. She's been talking to me every day since last week. She's a nice person and she passes no judgment. I've been going through some stuff and I was able to discuss it with her. That helped me resolve most of the issues.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Jan 21, 2021 at 07:53 PM

That's good news

Deilla · Jan 24, 2021 at 07:51 PM

I felt down yesterday and this morning. I noticed that it's not as low as I usually feel. So that is a significant improvement. I'm a little sad now, but I think it is mainly loneliness.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Jan 24, 2021 at 08:14 PM

Sorry about the loneliness

Are you still talking to your online therapist most days?

Deilla · Jan 24, 2021 at 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Sorry about the loneliness

Are you still talking to your online therapist most days?

Yes, she responds every day. During the week she replies a few times a day. It's really helpful. And we both are gamers. We've been talking about my favorite game. She has plans to try it out. I think she's a really cool person. She's the best therapist I've ever had.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Jan 24, 2021 at 08:41 PM

That's brilliant. A few times a day, during the week

Fuzzybear · Jan 24, 2021 at 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deilla

Yes, she responds every day. During the week she replies a few times a day. It's really helpful. And we both are gamers. We've been talking about my favorite game. She has plans to try it out. I think she's a really cool person. She's the best therapist I've ever had.

That's great to hear

Deilla · Jan 26, 2021 at 03:01 AM

I'm having a hard time today. Yesterday was very stressful for me. A project I was working on didn't go well. I took it personally. I felt like the Universe was conspiring against me, so I got really depressed. I have an appointment today, but I'm so depressed I don't want to go. I feel bad. But I think I will cancel. I hate to do that. I need this appointment. When I'm depressed, my agoraphobia really kicks in. I have an appointment scheduled for Friday that I will probably cancel. I wish I felt better. I'm having a hard time sleeping. I wish I had a good way to relax. I could try meditation. But I'm thinking I may take a nice hot shower.

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Turtle_Rider Legendary Member Since Sep 2015 Location: N/A Posts: 13,242 (SuperPoster!) 9 2,146 hugs given	Jan 17, 2021 at 02:39 AM #3 I am sorry that you feel that way. Believe me, most people don't know what are their purpose in this life. You don't have to worry or care about that. Anyway, I enjoy your other posts (in The Coffehouse section). They do interesting. Cheers.
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Purple,Violet,Blue Magnate Member Since Sep 2017 Location: Britain Posts: 2,899 7 10.3k hugs given	Jan 17, 2021 at 12:37 PM #6 I'm glad you're feeling a little better
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Purple,Violet,Blue Magnate Member Since Sep 2017 Location: Britain Posts: 2,899 7 10.3k hugs given	Jan 19, 2021 at 07:50 PM #11 That's great, Deilla. Does it take long for the meds to work?
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Purple,Violet,Blue Magnate Member Since Sep 2017 Location: Britain Posts: 2,899 7 10.3k hugs given	Jan 21, 2021 at 07:53 PM #14 That's good news
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Deilla Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2017 Location: Limsa Lominsa Posts: 29,434 (SuperPoster!) 7 49.2k hugs given	Jan 24, 2021 at 07:51 PM #15 I felt down yesterday and this morning. I noticed that it's not as low as I usually feel. So that is a significant improvement. I'm a little sad now, but I think it is mainly loneliness. __________________ ‘Live for now,’ ‘This too shall pass,’ ‘Everything is happening for my good.’
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Purple,Violet,Blue Magnate Member Since Sep 2017 Location: Britain Posts: 2,899 7 10.3k hugs given	Jan 24, 2021 at 08:14 PM #16 Sorry about the loneliness Are you still talking to your online therapist most days?
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Purple,Violet,Blue Magnate Member Since Sep 2017 Location: Britain Posts: 2,899 7 10.3k hugs given	Jan 24, 2021 at 08:41 PM #18 That's brilliant. A few times a day, during the week
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