[thetanager]

All my life I knew something was different with me but until 13 years ago I didn't know it was depression. During those years I married a girl who offered all the things I was missing...attention, touching, wanting to see the world, having fun.
Probably no different than anyone else...I wanted a partner. I think I did my part in putting us in a position to do everything we talked about but then the dream started crumbling little by little. I thought it was because of having a family, too busy with the nurturing of children, my hours of work, saving for college, the ordinary marriage stuff. Now retired (my wife only worked part time for eight years) I thought we were free to reinvent ourselves together. The house is a mess. I clear a space...she fills it with something else. TV is constantly on with dribble. Projects begun and not finished unless I step in. Hobbies and interests...shopping for grandchildren. Seems like there is no physical attraction to me even for a hug or kiss. After fifty years I am back lonely, frustrated and down. I take my meds and talk to people but I feel in the same place I was in high school. Alone. Is there anyone who has a similar life with any advice?

[Yaowen]

Dear thetanager,

I am so very sorry you are in this situation. It is really heartbreaking. I wish I had some useful advice for you but sadly I am in a somewhat similar situation and still trying to sort things out. Sorry I could not be helpful. My heart goes out to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry that you're dealing with this. Unfortunately couples can lose their spark as time goes on and years go by. Have you tried couple counseling or individual therapy? Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @thetanager, your Family, your Friends, your Wife and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[thetanager]

I have taken steps to help myself. I found a guy whose wife also doesn't want to travel. So together, when the virus doesn't trump all, we travel. Scotland, Egypt, and others but it always hurts when I see couples enjoying and sharing these events. Thought there might be an answer or suggestion other than marriage consulting which she won't do because it is my problem...she is happy with her life. Things will be better next week. Two months in Florida with the kids, grandkids, and golf will take the edge off. I do have some ways that I can lighten the load.

[avlady]

im sad that you are sad. the reason why is depression has always been a part of my life. i tend to not go out hardly ever, i do have a husband and 30 year old son who moved back in with us after he went on his own for awhile but came home depressed from kicking a drinking habit and had no place to go. my husband keeps us together. i am happy he did his traveling years before we got married as i dont like to travel only into the city and errands and he drives as i don't drive. i have alot of other psych problems and am on over 10 pills a day which keep me stable. i hope this helps

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by thetanager

All my life I knew something was different with me but until 13 years ago I didn't know it was depression. During those years I married a girl who offered all the things I was missing...attention, touching, wanting to see the world, having fun.
Probably no different than anyone else...I wanted a partner. I think I did my part in putting us in a position to do everything we talked about but then the dream started crumbling little by little. I thought it was because of having a family, too busy with the nurturing of children, my hours of work, saving for college, the ordinary marriage stuff. Now retired (my wife only worked part time for eight years) I thought we were free to reinvent ourselves together. The house is a mess. I clear a space...she fills it with something else. TV is constantly on with dribble. Projects begun and not finished unless I step in. Hobbies and interests...shopping for grandchildren. Seems like there is no physical attraction to me even for a hug or kiss. After fifty years I am back lonely, frustrated and down. I take my meds and talk to people but I feel in the same place I was in high school. Alone. Is there anyone who has a similar life with any advice?

I am a lot like your wife I'm afraid. My husband and I have been together for 30 years and we're thrilled to be empty nesters. And then something happened on the way to heaven. My mental illness got exponentially worse. I hate being touched. I don't know why. I am also a consummate slob. I go from one project to the next to the next and as quickly as possible, then just abandon them. Instead of tv, it's video games. I have battled with shopping addiction as well.

I can't tell you why your wife does what she does, any more than I can tell you why I do what I do.

Have you asked her what's wrong?

WW

[mountainstream]