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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: -
Posts: 1,526
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Jan 25, 2021 at 08:29 PM
#1
I really do hate myself. I hate myself for falling back into bad habits so readily, so easily.
I am drinking too often, too much. And after nearly two years of sobriety this is quickly becoming an issue again. I’m doing my best to stay in control but I think I might be losing. At the same time, I’m not in a place where I’m ready to say no, I need to stop. I can bring myself back, maybe. But then along with that
Possible trigger:
Honestly, I just feel a complete mess, and so alone with it all. And 100% hating myself for it all 
__________________ Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin |
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 Fuzzybear, stahrgeyzer, TunedOut
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
14 101 hugs
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Jan 25, 2021 at 08:58 PM
#2
I hate myself too. You are not alone! When life gets hard, I want to hide. Is hiding behind your drinking and other things helping? I had to come to that point of realization many times. This last time, I discovered the trauma of being shamed for innocent acts as a child left pain that I wasn't fully aware, that came out as depression, anxiety, self harm, and risky behavior. And if you don't know what's behind your behavior, it's no big deal. It took me years to figure it out.
I hope this helps some. Just know you are not alone! |
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| Fuzzybear, TunedOut, whisperingskye
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 whisperingskye
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
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Jan 26, 2021 at 04:11 PM
#3
I can also relate to the trauma of being shamed and bullied for innocent acts as a child and I wonder if this is partly behind your pain and sh (if so, I can relate
 ) 
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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