[modestlychee6463]

It seems like I feel so depressed that I have a hard time concentrating and remembering stuff, even though I have done well with effort so far. I have a hard time with motivation and getting what I need to get done. I have dealt with some self hate and thinking disturbing thoughts. I'm just not feeling very happy. I don't know why.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by modestlychee6463

It seems like I feel so depressed that I have a hard time concentrating and remembering stuff, even though I have done well with effort so far. I have a hard time with motivation and getting what I need to get done. I have dealt with some self hate and thinking disturbing thoughts. I'm just not feeling very happy. I don't know why.

Yup. That's the essence of depression. It takes work to find purpose again in your life and then the motivation will come.

I've read that depression is deceptive: you have to do the opposite of what the negativity is telling you. E.g. if it's telling you to not care and not bother, you shouldn't wait for motivation or happiness but just go do things ignoring the negativity whispering to you to not care, and then the negativity will eventually go away and you'll start being happier. And the better mood will help with finding a purpose again, too.

My only problem with this approach is that the negative emotions get too strong if I try to go against them like that. But this works well for moderate or mild enough depression. I hope it helps in your case.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry you're struggling! Please do not give up! i agree with the wise and wonderful Alive99 about this possibly being depression at work. Don't let depression win. Try to focus on yourself and on the things you like doing. Hobbies like watching movies or listening to music. Have you already considered seeing a therapist? Perhaps give that a try. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @modestlychee6463, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Alive99]

I'd like to add something. I am finding that not letting my mood go too good either is also just as important as not letting it go too low by trying to keep going ahead.

[modestlychee6463]

good insight! I'm happy but of course not excessively happy all the time. I know you can't be happy all the time in life because we often deal with real life problems. I just couldn't help but want myself happier though.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by modestlychee6463

good insight! I'm happy but of course not excessively happy all the time. I know you can't be happy all the time in life because we often deal with real life problems. I just couldn't help but want myself happier though.

Yeah hm. It's like... you can be happy with a little, and then another little and so on. (Without overdoing the good mood either like I said, because of wanting to be so very happy so fast) Building up that way. From the depression and stuff. If that made sense. I try to keep that in mind myself.