my own worst enemy

I feel I am my own worst enemy. Sometimes I feel self destructive and hopeless in beating this depression I feel.

I have definitely painted myself into a corner in my life. I feel unworthy of any sympathy or compassion because I feel like I have done all of this to myself.

I felt so guilty way back when my illness was diagnosed. For 5 years I've been blaming myself for not being able to achieve my dream because I caused let this thing to happen to me. After that I slowly accepted and understood that there was nothing I could do at that time and I just have to manage to be stable and do what I can. Almost 12 years have passed and I still sometimes wonder if I could've done any different. Now, I still beat myself up sometimes, but I'm more forgiving of myself. I guess I could say, there are 2 enemies, myself and bipolar disorder.