Looking for accountability partners (task check in) #2

Thank you. Unfortunately, I'm looking for a quicker solution than that. This approach would take years for me and I can't wait that long with this.

Basically, I'm posting and sharing about this problem because I'm looking for external help, and any kind of help is appreciated if it's a concrete idea, specific question or concrete suggestion or concrete help, anything that's not general but concrete, specific so I can actually try and take action.

@Alive99 have you tried going for a walk when you feel stuck? I find that gives me new energy sometimes. What have you tried so far to fix this problem?

I'm feeling especially meh and indecisive today.

1. Walk
2. Class
3. Homework

Thank you for the input!

Yeah, walks don't give me much energy.

I um, tried to read self-help books, tried therapy, tried to think a lot about it (I'm not good at thinking deeply analytically lol)

I usually tried to manage it alone (unsuccessfully. any change is very slow over the years, there is change but very gradual and slow and it's killing me).

Sometimes I also asked for help, family member did help me by being around (she cancelled some hike to be there for me once) and it worked AWESOME but she cannot spend too much time on me so it didn't last for long. Just that one time, but it was awesome, it worked so well, her paying attention like that.


I have thought of something today though....it's emotion management related, what I thought of. I don't know if it's a hard limit in my brain or if I can get around it. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go into details about it in this thread. Should I post it in another thread? Would (any of) you look at it if I did so?

What I do know is that outside help like the above was awesome because it gave me extra energy and lifted my mood

Nothing I do alone lifts it like that or it lasts for a short time only



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Good luck to your class and homework, and to everyone else too. I'm going to go to bed now lol. Then I'm gonna have to get up late evening then gonna have to work 10-15 hours straight. Pressing & inflexible deadline

I enjoyed my visit with my nephew yesterday. I’m decidedly more upbeat today.

1. Zoom meeting
2. Brisk walk in the park
3. Float in the pool

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Alive99 I totally related to what you said "What I do know is that outside help like the above was awesome because it gave me extra energy and lifted my mood". I have noticed that myself in my life. I'm working on asking people for what I need more often. Sometimes just asking if they have time for coffee or a zoom chat during covid helps me feel more connected. I'm by far no expert, but sometimes I use work as a way to avoid having to be vulnerable.

Thanks for being vulnerable here.

I haven't posted my tasks list in over a week. I had to have one of my two cats put to sleep last Thursday and it's been a rough few days.

Tonight I thought of this forum and I'm glad to read the recent posts. I have only two things I want to accomplish tomorrow: 1. Take my car to mechanic to have AC repaired, 2. Return some clothes that I bought a week ago that didn't fit.

I hope everyone has a good evening and productive Tuesday!

I prepared a meal today and worked on a couple of projects. I also took out the trash. Tomorrow, I will:

1. Do emissions.
2. Celebrate that it's done.
3. Relax for the day.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

Thanks for your comment.

Yeah, I think it requires taking a kind of responsibility to be able to say all this out loud.

Hm. It would be nice if I could ask people to go with me for a coffee.

Not many people to ask here tbh. Even though yes it would probably help with mood some, though probably would not help enough.


What I meant by outside help was someone actively paying attention to me doing the tasks I need to be doing. But specifically either IRL attention or if online then a pretty strict approach, not too informal. Actively checking on what I've done, and in a kinda structured and regular way.

In the former case I just feel like someone cares and that lifts my mood enough to do things. In the latter case I just feel the obligation strongly enough to be able to come out of my head and do what I have to do.


I don't know if that made sense.

Do you or anyone else have any idea where to look for this? Again, being informal accountability partners is not as effective for me, I've tried that already.

@Alive99 That's awesome you figured out what you need! I am not sure where there is a a more formal accountability group but there must be one out there.
@TJean I'm sorry about your cat

Yesterday I figured out that if I spent 2 hours per day working on my portfolio, I could finish it by the due date without the 12 hour days I put in last time. That's probably where I need to start my day.

1. Portfolio work
2. Exercise
3. Homework

Yesterday, I cleaned my cousin’s house and helped out at Vacation Bible School. In addition to Bipolar 1, I also have panic disorder so it was rough. Loud music and lots of energetic kids. I couldn’t wait to get home and crash. I didn’t want to volunteer. My cousin volunteered me. Two more nights to go.

Today, I would like to;

1. Paint
2. Watch a YouTube channel called Therapy in a Nutshell
3. Work in my DBT book

I hope everyone has a good day!

I

The thing is I figured it out 3.5 years ago lol , practically within a few weeks after the whole problem started.

I never have been able to find the external help though. No one ever bothered to help me with it IRL by truly happily paying attention to me about it. And online, I think only that strict approach would work. I've tried the informal approach online with a few people on this forum and elsewhere too, but it didn't work for long.

3.5 years ago I remember I talked to two therapists/psychiatrists about how I need this, but they ignored me even though I was really clearly in distress strongly from feeling so overwhelmed trying to do it all alone.

And I have a social worker I've been going to for over 3 years once a week (except it was only email during lockdown). She's a really nice, cool, fun woman. But she didn't really take me seriously about it either.


I don't understand why nobody does, I mean IRL they don't. Yes to be precise - That family member once did give attention but that was the result of a fight too because asking nicely for it did not work.

Mystery to me as to why no one takes it seriously IRL. My mother says I seem just fine because I'm able to smile around her and other family members. Maybe that has to do with it. With not being taken seriously with this issue, I mean.

I could totally fall on my knees and put a plea out there but I don't know how. These 3.5 years have been so long.

And I was not able to work for 15 hours in one go tonight/this morning. Nope I got half of it done and then I saw I wasn't gonna be done soon enough with the rest for the deadline (((((((((((

I took two Xanax to try and sleep before I continue working on it but I'm not feeling well at all.

I'd really like some support with this, somewhere, somehow. It's just too horrible as it is now.

I lost a fun online friend over it too, she said OK she'll try to help in the "strict" way but then she freaked out and we never started on it and then it just went down the drain, the whole friendship thingy. But it's ok, it was online only.

It's just funny how so many people keep telling me to think about it, or do whatever else, or just plain ignore it when I am directly stating my need. I don't understand what's the rocket science about it. It's simple words and I express it directly. What doesn't work about it with people????

(I'm not asking anyone on this forum to help me with it though, I'm just pouring out in general about the whole mess with these 3.5 years)


End of pouring out ..... I can never share this with anyone IRL ......


(I put that above in bold and big letters too be sure no one misunderstands me!!!!! I am not demanding anything here!!!!!!!!! Becuase last night on the chat on this site I asked for help with "brainstorming" to figure out where to look for some place where they would be able and willing to help and I just got some horrible response there too So I wanna make sure it doesn't come off the wrong way!!!!!!!!!!!)



That is cool. You see, this is the thingy that just doesn't work for me in recent years (3.5 years). I just can't plan it out nicely like that and execute that plan. I used to be fine with it, before this problem started.

I don't understand why, other than, I really need that external point.


Good luck with your portfolio!

I did my emissions test and renewed my tags. I celebrated with a nice meal and I pretty much relaxed for most of the day. Tomorrow, I will:

1. Do a therapy session.
2. Clean my kitchen.
3. Do some reading and a workshop.

I hope everyone is well. Have a wonderful day and best of luck with your tasks!

Alive 99 I do relate. I tried doing an accountability group with some other consultants and found I was the one having problems keeping the commitments and then felt worse because they didn't feel challenged enough.

I have struggled with motivating myself a lot this last 6 months. I wish I had good advice, but I too feel lost as to how to find people or a group irl that will help.

I recommend the r/GetDisciplined subreddit and their Potential Central Discord server for new ideas on staying motivated and task buddies. I also like some of the anti-procrastination methods David Burns talks about in his Feeling Good Wookbook.


Yesterday wasn't bad. No exercise, but I am almost done with my homework and worked quite a bit on my portfolio. I also attended a sort of painful networking Zoom event. So tired of Zoom. Today I am going to make time for a hike.
1. Hike
2. Portfolio
3. Errands

I need to refer to the David Burns workbook - that is good advice.
I think we are all sick of Zoom. Good job on planning a hike!

I managed to finish getting samples out to client and took my car in for a very expensive repair. I'm glad both are done. I did not return the clothes yet, that is planned for this afternoon.

So today I plan to:
1. Return clothes
2. Get blood test dr. wants for next week's dr. appt.
3. Finish report I wanted to have done last week (or at least work on it for an hour).
4. Call my sister - I've been avoiding this because she doesn't understand my depression and then I get upset.

Have a good day all!

I really appreciate your trying to help. I was so upset yesterday. Also because I was so tired from having worked 9 hours straight and then getting blocked, couldn't work more because I got too "low" about not meeting that deadline and knowing I was gonna have to ask for an extension, that or I was gonna kill myself trying to work more the same afternoon lol. Luckily that was fine, I was given the chance to finish it by next morning. I did finish it OK but because of that am tired now too, lol


I frankly think it also already helps if I can just talk to someone or somewhere regularly about how to plan stuff out, and especially how I get to step / slip on these banana peels LOL, if you know what I mean. I mean when trying to get this stuff working, I have stupid little issues. Those then fu** up the whole thing for me. I wasn't like this before this whole issue started for me...

(Some of the below parts, the italicised stuff in brackets, I don't expect you or anyone else to engage with it deeply! It just helped me think now that we are talking about tips here. It's a lot of help actually, getting my brain moving like this.)


Like now today I went to meet my social worker, I didn't see her for several months bc lockdown. And she asked about how I'm doing and I realised while talking to her why I crashed last weekend and why I couldn't do the jobs nicely on time like I wanted to do them. Well at least I realised part of the why.

(Not a solution yet though. I basically just faced how I was probably doing something like full time work for these few days because it was 5 days and needed 6 hours on average each day to complete the work tasks, because it required about 30 hours in total. 15+15. And it's full time even though not 8 hours a day because I did not have extra rest for "weekend days" before these 5 days.....and in general it's supposed to be part time....long story but full time work seems too much for me for now yeah)

I am just weird (if you read the above paragraph I put in brackets), because since my cPTSD I just keep forgetting basic things like I need rest days like that. And I just plain forget everything about planning, time management, and I do not feel it properly if a task is easy or hard. It's overly hard initially, for the first few hours of the work or whatever. Etc. I swear I am not ADHD


Anyway .... Again the real point is... On my own it takes very long to figure those things out because I just don't have my brain moving like when I can talk to someone else about it. I think that's the depression part

So I'll see if I can talk about it at that link/resource you gave. Besides the structured accountability partner thingy

I'll look at the book too if I can download it.

(I've looked at books before but they don't really take into account these issues of mine as above. There was a CBT book that did sorta.....it had an example of a guy, a college student, who was embarrassed and upset about how due to his depression he had to plan out in this painstaking way which school assignments he was going to do on which days and specifically which parts of the assignments. The CBT therapist was helping him plan it out and I dunno, it was nice as an acknowledgment that this thing can exist, where you used to deal with tasks very well, and then you are like you forgot how to do the planning and all that. But his case seemed easier because he could feel how hard or easy a task would be. So he could plan it out like that with the therapist's help. For me that planning was too advanced, I can't do it like that. I can't feel these things most of the time now, it's completely messed up lol. cPTSD+depression together is a bi*** but it's getting better and that's why I want to give this a go, sorting this out and relearning how to do all this.)

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Oh I just noticed you did mention this in your earlier post:

So you did 12 hour days before, yeah sounds like me LOL!

It's true and it's a very rational plan that working 2 hours on it each day is way more comfortable and less stressful and the quality of the work done will probably be better too. I think when I tried to do it like this I had this issue that when the task is a "new topic", then the first few hours are harder so if I was to split it up 2 hours every day it would be probably overwhelming for the first 1-2 days and then I would not be able to start

....hm that's my thinking right now anyway. I haven't considered this so much before. But it did contribute to my crash this last weekend, not being able to work much on Friday which made me delayed with everything. So maybe I can't split things up evenly in this neat way for each day like that. I don't know if this matters for others that much or just for me in my bad state.

What do you think about splitting up your portfolio work tasks based on effort and not simply based on time? I hope in your case this will not be an issue though! Maybe in your case new topics do not feel like harder effort than when you are already familiar with the stuff.

(It's complex anyway though, I did already try to make it easier, but it wasn't easy enough.... The idea was, something like 2 hours for this 15-hour job on Friday, 2 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday, 4 hours on Monday, 3 hours on Tuesday. But thinking of 2 hours for Friday was POOF INSTANT overwhelm. Because I was also supposed to do something like, a couple of hours (undefined number) for Friday, Saturday, Sunday for a task I already started on earlier but wasn't fully feeling comfortable with that task yet. Though more comfortable than when I started that one a while ago. ... Also I have to say, on Thursday I was tired, had to recover from previous crazy work bout, crash&working hard at night, deadline pressure blah blah, and that didn't help either with overwhelm!!)

How was the hike? I noticed you put it first on your list, is this a list in order of priorities? I like that actually, sometimes you do want to put fun sports in front of work/school tasks lol!

Ah I see. I'm sorry to hear that you are having issues too with this. Maybe there need to be different "levels" for these accountability partners/groups Because we are not all at the same phase in recovery, I think.

When I tried working with accountability partners before in the informal way, one person was really flaky (not on this forum), then with two other people I was able to do the commitments okay but I did not have many, only like 1-2 hours a day because I had an easier period with work too. And then I just got low at one point and then I suddenly couldn't do any of it at all.

Are you going to try the subreddit or the discord server? I don't really use reddit but I do have discord installed from earlier. And discord is more interactive than reddit.

That's great! I don't know what the samples are about but this sounds work related. Do you do remote work too or this is totally different?

What is it that your sister doesn't understand about your depression? I'm genuinely interested if you don't mind sharing about this.

I have been taking it easy today due to back and leg pain. Tonight I have a Zoom meeting and have to take out the trash and that’s it for me. I’ll see how I feel tomorrow pain wise before planning.

I hope everyone has a peaceful, productive day tomorrow.

I washed dishes and put stuff in my junk pile. I also had a good therapy session yesterday. Today, I want to:

1. Clean my kitchen.
2. Read some of my books.
3. Play one of my new games.

I hope all of you are well. Best wishes for a happy, productive day!!

The hike was good - and I do have some low effort tasks identified for when I don't feel like working on my portfolio at all. It seems like it is human nature in some way to delay doing something until it's due, doesn't it?

1. Portfolio.
2. Finish homework
3. Dishes

Cool about that.

I don't know if procrastination is human nature.

I did read once that some people are more pressure prompted and some people like to do everything by a schedule instead.

So maybe it's invididual too. Both approaches have their advantages.

And then there's a lot of other stuff that has nothing to do with human nature or individual personality either, like if you are overloaded then of course you are gonna have a harder time with it all, not feeling like doing it all

Or when you have to do something that just is harder for you than most things, or you just don't enjoy it too naturally (maybe this part is universal human nature, I don't know). By the latter I mean like, if your direction in life is not the most suitable for you, doesn't truly fit you.

Also, there is such a thing as "adaptive procrastination" vs "maladaptive procrastination". The adaptive version really just means being pressure prompted. It can save time and can be a more efficient approach for some people. The maladaptive version is what is actually procrastination and what doesn't help anyone. That is when it causes stress rather than help with saving time and increase efficiency.

And then with some things, it's the life situation rather than anything else.

So I think it is not easy for most people in some life situations, college/university being a typical example, because most people are not the academic type or even if they are, they have to study some "useless subjects" because of how someone arbitrarily put the curriculum together. Plus people going to college do not have a fully matured brain yet either (prefrontal lobe matures late) and they are learning for the first time to live alone and live their own life independently, meanwhile they are still learning to have intimate relationships too. And figuring out what they really want to do in life, their direction. Etcetera. So I think all that is a lot together to pull off. It's not even a life situation so natural like in previous centuries. So it really is typical for people in this life situation to have to procrastinate on things like exams lol.

I know external deadlines work well for me. I've had a year to complete my portfolio. I worked on it pretty steadily for a few months then dropped the ball completely for 6-8 months. Now I have two months left before it is due and I am scrambling

1. Portfolio
2. Homework
3. Something outside

It is actually so nice outside that I am tempted to ditch everything and go swimming instead.

Alive 99: I am a self-employed consultant and I contacted some peers with a list of research questions back in March and April and planned to write it up and then distribute it to the same group of people. Now I'm dragging my feet on getting the results/research out to potential clients and peers. So it keeps appearing on my task list. I tend to have really productive months then I have very low productivity months. I used to mainly work at client offices before the pandemic. I now mostly do the work from home and some days the only thing I feel I accomplish is doing the "paid" work.

Yeah. External deadlines work well for most people, for me too. For me regular deadlines are the best for now, so the work is not too big in one go. If I get to feel better then I won't have a problem with "too big" work.

Btw I see nothing wrong with "dropping the ball" for a while if the 12 months are way more than enough for the job.

And yeah yeah go swimming lol.