[jrae]

'how is your depression doing?' ...... so you want to know how my 'd' is doing, here is an example.


yesterday, there i was sitting with a compression wrap around my lower leg AND a heating pad along with it; then a hinged knee brace on the other leg (for an injury); the occasional shooting pains from my low back into both legs/thighs, which is a newer back-issue for me; an ice pack on my ribs (front side of course ) for the cartilage inflammation pain i've been dealing with; some nerve pain in my arm; and then the headache/migraine pain to top it off!

and yesterday, the leg cramps pain went on for like 12 hours or so!! (though there was a little one hour break in the middle there)
this was the longest (or one of them) my leg had done this, so far....

at times, i was almost to tears! at times, i was almost at my end - thinking i just can't do / handle this! at times, i just wanted it all to stop! at times, the thoughts of self-hatred were STILL there, even amongst all the pain! [ like 'you're the worst person in the world', 'maybe you do deserve this', ..... ]


if things continue like this or if they continue to gradually get worse, there won't be much of me left - as it's destroying me from the inside out......

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having to suffer through all of this. Being an older person, I certainly have my own collection of aches and pains, etc. But I can't imagine being able to persevere in the face of all you are experiencing. I hope that, in some way, you can find some relief... and soon.

[modestlychee6463]

It seemed like in the past week, it seemed like my frustration in life plus feeling lonely and upset over some trials with hardly any break in them kind of worsened my depression when I was hoping life would ease up a little. I just had to get out and see more people to give me a better perspective. Only when I got out and was able to talk and feel connected did the depression lift. I have had this sense of worthlessness and a tiny bit of neediness. It hasn't been easy to deal with. I get what you mean about the hole deepening. Having distraction has helped, and I have to make sure I'm distracted enough.

[modestlychee6463]

Have you had any hard trials or sense of feeling cut off from others? That can worsen it. Depression as I know it can sure sap your motivation until it gets to the point you don't care to eat alone or do much of anything. It can really hurt.