Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old May 05, 2022, 11:46 PM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,852
I've had a lifetime of chronically recurrent depressive episodes. I think that has made me less resilient in the face of some major stressors.

Saturday I went by ambulance to the hospital extremely Ill. My 6th bout of diverticulitis, but way, way worse than all the others. I was septic and had a very low blood pressure (a sign of impending shock.) And I was in horrible pain. For 3 days, I couldn't get out of bed or eat or drink. But on Tues I was improved. Yesterday I was eating and not too uncomfortable. Just weak. They discharged me. I was glad.

Today, I felt way sick again, with constant nausea, even though I had pills for that. I barely can walk to the bathroom. I feel so distressed. I can't even describe it. I'm alone.

I'm too sick to be depressed. But I keep thinking I would rather be dead than go through this again.

Maybe I will recover and feel differently about my life. I never went through anything this bad. I am well aware that people go through much worse. I don't have the makeup for those heroics. I'm a coward who can't stand pain and physical distress. I was just in the hospital in July with severe anemia. They say I have a chronic, slow GI bleed. I don't want this body anymore.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, FloatThruThis, mote.of.soul, SlumberKitty, T4bbyCat

advertisement
  #2  
Old May 06, 2022, 04:44 AM
Breaking Dawn's Avatar
Breaking Dawn Breaking Dawn is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
I've had a lifetime of chronically recurrent depressive episodes. I think that has made me less resilient in the face of some major stressors.

Saturday I went by ambulance to the hospital extremely Ill. My 6th bout of diverticulitis, but way, way worse than all the others. I was septic and had a very low blood pressure (a sign of impending shock.) And I was in horrible pain. For 3 days, I couldn't get out of bed or eat or drink. But on Tues I was improved. Yesterday I was eating and not too uncomfortable. Just weak. They discharged me. I was glad.

Today, I felt way sick again, with constant nausea, even though I had pills for that. I barely can walk to the bathroom. I feel so distressed. I can't even describe it. I'm alone.

I'm too sick to be depressed. But I keep thinking I would rather be dead than go through this again.

Maybe I will recover and feel differently about my life. I never went through anything this bad. I am well aware that people go through much worse. I don't have the makeup for those heroics. I'm a coward who can't stand pain and physical distress. I was just in the hospital in July with severe anemia. They say I have a chronic, slow GI bleed. I don't want this body anymore.
Dear Rose, I feel pretty sure I'm not the only one saying prayers & wishing
for a let-up of your suffering. Maybe try to hang onto the reality of the old saying, "this, too, shall pass"? But I know that must feel too far away from you right now. I'm so sorry you're going through this! Hugs & love to you!
__________________
"Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot)

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller)

* * * * * *
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, Rose76
Thanks for this!
Rose76, T4bbyCat
  #3  
Old May 06, 2022, 11:46 AM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,852
I just woke up after sleeping for 5 hours and feel greatly improved. Thanks for your kind words.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, T4bbyCat
Thanks for this!
Breaking Dawn
  #4  
Old May 06, 2022, 06:01 PM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,852
I continue to be getting much better real fast. It's pretty incredible. Just spoke with a doctor via Zoom. He wants me to consider surgery as an option. That disturbs me, but I'll meet the surgeon and get educated about pros and cons. I feel like everything is back under control for now.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, T4bbyCat
  #5  
Old May 30, 2022, 10:58 PM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,852
I am very sick again. I was admitted to the hospital 2 X in May. I don't want to go back a third time.

I'm alone. I don't have the strength for this. I'm cold.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, SlumberKitty
  #6  
Old May 30, 2022, 11:06 PM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,852
If I went to the ER, I would want to tell them that I can't mentally keep up with this. That will mean nothing to anyone. They won't care about that. Loads of people in there will be suffering worse.

I been very sick since April 29. I can't seem to recover.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, SlumberKitty
  #7  
Old May 31, 2022, 01:06 AM
East17's Avatar
East17 East17 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 546
I'm so sorry to read that you have been so ill. It sounds incredibly distressing for you. I hope you will feel better soon.

Maybe just finding out about the surgery option would be a good idea, at least it will be a choice you can make once you have all the facts.

With regards to telling them 'I can't mentally keep up with this', perhaps it's not a bad idea to tell them what a detrimental effect these bouts of illness are having on your mental health. The physical and the mental health are intertwined after all.

Thinking of you and wishing you well. xx

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk
__________________
To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Rose76
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated, Rose76
  #8  
Old May 31, 2022, 02:51 AM
Breaking Dawn's Avatar
Breaking Dawn Breaking Dawn is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
Rose, could it be one of those horrible migraines? Maybe you could google for over the counter remedies for the nausea, etc.? Would Dramamine help maybe?
__________________
"Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot)

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller)

* * * * * *
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, Rose76
Thanks for this!
Rose76
  #9  
Old May 31, 2022, 06:45 AM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,852
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Rose, could it be one of those horrible migraines? Maybe you could google for over the counter remedies for the nausea, etc.? Would Dramamine help maybe?
No. I am sick with diverticulitis that won't resolve. Intestinal infection.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated
  #10  
Old May 31, 2022, 06:49 AM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,852
Quote:
Originally Posted by East17 View Post
I'm so sorry to read that you have been so ill. It sounds incredibly distressing for you. I hope you will feel better soon.

Maybe just finding out about the surgery option would be a good idea, at least it will be a choice you can make once you have all the facts.

With regards to telling them 'I can't mentally keep up with this', perhaps it's not a bad idea to tell them what a detrimental effect these bouts of illness are having on your mental health. The physical and the mental health are intertwined after all.

Thinking of you and wishing you well. xx

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk
I am becoming as sick mentally , as i am physically. I haven't been this sick mentally in 2 years.

I want someone to understand that. They won't really care at the hospital.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, SlumberKitty
  #11  
Old May 31, 2022, 09:03 AM
Breaking Dawn's Avatar
Breaking Dawn Breaking Dawn is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
No. I am sick with diverticulitis that won't resolve. Intestinal infection.
I'm sorry I didn't understand, Rose. And I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I am praying that your immune system's soldiers will be victorious. And that special neurons are sending loving messages throughout your brain & body to nourish your mental health & well-being. Hugs & love to you!!
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, Rose76, T4bbyCat
Thanks for this!
Rose76
  #12  
Old May 31, 2022, 10:53 AM
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,852
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
I'm sorry I didn't understand, Rose. And I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I am praying that your immune system's soldiers will be victorious. And that special neurons are sending loving messages throughout your brain & body to nourish your mental health & well-being. Hugs & love to you!!
Thank you for trying to better understand. Your post is beautiful and imaginative and I will think those thoughts.

My sister just offered to fly 2000 miles to come see me and help however she could. I'm trying to manage on my own here. I don't want her going thru all that with COVID and all the rigors of travel. I live in a small apt that is not a place I could entertain a guest in any real comfort. Place is a mess cause i been so sick for over a month.

Always, since moving here, I rejoin my family back where they are. I do the flying, and go there, so I see everybody and we're all together. I see beloved cousins. I want to recover and do that this summer. So I turn to social media to cobble together a bit of support. I get some here and in a facebook group for persons with my gastrointestinal disorder.

Kind words that good persons post to me are nuggets of gold that I spend on little parcels of strength that get me from one hour to the next.
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, FloatThruThis, SlumberKitty, T4bbyCat
Thanks for this!
Breaking Dawn
Reply
Views: 914

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:35 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.