PMDD

I have PMDD too now. It is unbearable to live with all of my issues.

What don’t I have????

I know my entire family secretly hates me and pretends with me now. I never want to interact with them anymore but I am forced to because of my kids. I cannot tell if I am paranoid or it is real. It is beyond hurtful.

Everyone hates me. I have no friends at almost 50 years old.

I failed at motherhood and that shame and guilt haunt me and are overwhelmingly unbearable.

I want to just disappear and move somewhere all alone and never speak to anyone from my past like my family and even my kids.

So sorry you have PMDD, as well.

I had to look it up.

It causes dysphoria and mood swings.

Have you been to the doctor?

You need the care of a good doctor.

You do sound somewhat paranoid, and that's a thought I had even before you mentioned it.

Let us know where you're at in terms of getting good outside help... you need that.

I am concerned that you are developing psychotic features which is what I have akin to depression, although mine is controlled now.

Please go get help...

There is no solution. I have been suffering for the past 20 years and have kit found any effective treatment and have tried them ALL.

The stupid doctors want to just give me psychiatric medication but all of them make me ten times worse and my body completely rejects them. I have landed in the hospital from trying different ones.

I rot in bed in my room all day and have no life whatsoever. Everyone abandoned me. I do not blame them.

You're so alone right now ...

You need care.

I take 3 antidepressants, and antipsychotic and an anti-anxiet agent.

Things can definitely get better, but you're in the tunnel right now. You need good, caring, qualified help right now.

I'm worried about you.

Check out other online supports such as:

DBSA - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

HeyPeers - Where Peers and Support Groups Connect (where you can get one-on-one support, if needed, as well as groups)

I am exhausted from 20 years of fighting just to barely survive. I cannot forgive myself for my past mistakes and living with all that shame. I give up completely. I cannot do it anymore.

I would end it all but I will never do that to my children. I feel like my life is a prison with titanium bars surrounding me. Every single aspect of my life is destroyed.

I wish that my kids were still young and we can go back to being together all the time. They are both grown now and have zero time for me so I hardly get to be with them. I encouraged their independence and love who they both have become and I am glad that they are busy with their own lives but it is so difficult for me at the same time. And even if I do get time with them, my body and mind constantly fail me and leave me paralyzed and debilitated to do anything.

I wish that just one of hundreds of medications or treatments that I have tried would have helped even a little bit. My newly-discovered ADD and PMDD combined with my OCD, C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, etc have defeated me completely now.

What if it never gets better. Each year seems worse than the last. I am in therapy and trying so many things but nothing makes a dent.

I appreciate all of you for taking the time to support me. It really means a lot. Thank you.