[3rd rock]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I woke up in a real good mood. I wasted a bunch of hours just thinking about stuff. Then I went out to my front patio where I got charged by my neighbor's bad-tempered pitbull. The dog jumped on me. I wasn't hurt but I was badly scared.

A few hours later, I got notified that a close family member was found dead today by the police. I've had a hard time calming down. Didn't hardly eat all day. I'll eat something now. My neck is very sore lately. That happens when I'm online too long.

I wish things could just be normal for awhile. I'm not depressed today.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I woke up in a real good mood. I wasted a bunch of hours just thinking about stuff. Then I went out to my front patio where I got charged by my neighbor's bad-tempered pitbull. The dog jumped on me. I wasn't hurt but I was badly scared.

A few hours later, I got notified that a close family member was found dead today by the police. I've had a hard time calming down. Didn't hardly eat all day. I'll eat something now. My neck is very sore lately. That happens when I'm online too long.

I wish things could just be normal for awhile. I'm not depressed today.

:I’m sorry:: hugs:

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip: This morning one of my neighbors came up to me and asked me how much it cost. I didn't want to talk about it. I swear it's just like Mayberry at where I live!

A few months ago I had my car towed from home, and I ran into my next door neighbor. He briefly asked me what happened. I thought it's the opposite of Mayberry where you live?! You mentioned once how unfriendly the neighbors are, like in my building. Ah, Mayberry....you must be referring to the Andy Griffith show. I know the town name is used as a generic reference to a small town feel.

Previously you mentioned a porta potty in the parking lot. In my experience, it means they are going to do something that's going to take awhile: Examples like repaving, roadwork nearby or building yet more apartments. I don't know how big the lot is but around here, they managed to cram over 100 units onto a lot that used to be a body shop. And since they can't build sideways, they go up and build a high rise.

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

snip: ...this is placing an enormous strain on our healthcare system which is struggling to keep up.

I see that you're in Canada. I'm so sorry to see that it sucks as much as the system in the US. There are long waiting lists here too, and mental health was never seen as a priority in American culture. The "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mindset is too deeply embedded. And Covid just pushed things over the edge.

Originally Posted by Rose76

I woke up in a real good mood. I wasted a bunch of hours just thinking about stuff. Then I went out to my front patio where I got charged by my neighbor's bad-tempered pitbull. The dog jumped on me. I wasn't hurt but I was badly scared.

A few hours later, I got notified that a close family member was found dead today by the police. I've had a hard time calming down. Didn't hardly eat all day. I'll eat something now. My neck is very sore lately. That happens when I'm online too long.

I wish things could just be normal for awhile. I'm not depressed today.

My day is just beginning, so I'll see how the rest of the day will be. I called my friend from the college days to wish him a happy birthday. It was nice talking to him, even though he's not quite the same as he was back in the college days.

As far as my reference to "Mayberry", I meant it as being like small town gossips. The people at where I live gossip a lot and it's about how bad certain individuals living here are. They are not friendly for the most part. There are some who are alright or pretty good but I don't see them that often unfortunately. At that little lot behind me, they also put in a mini supply storage trailer. It's all there because of a big drain pipe project. I was told they need that space to park in to work, but it seems like nothing is being done.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip: It was nice talking to him, even though he's not quite the same as he was back in the college days.

As far as my reference to "Mayberry", I meant it as being like small town gossips.....but it seems like nothing is being done.

Gosh, I talk to no one from school, any level!

Oh, I see what you mean now about small town gossip. In my building people don't talk, though I think a few might gossip or used to. There are a few neighbors I'm acquainted with but I don't run into them hardly at all, sadly. It's the annoying ones I seem to see a lot and try to avoid. Speaking of which, the people 2 doors from me seem to be going on some long trip. They packed so many suitcases yesterday in a big truck. Could be moving but since they aren't using boxes, I assume a trip somewhere. Good riddance as I get screaming kids, barking dog, a lot of guests and they often leave their door open. That lets the noise drift out towards ME of course.

The vacant lot near me, which included a shuttered gas station I mentioned before, still has no construction starting. And it's been over 4 years since they tore down all the old buildings. And it took them over 2 years to clean up the rubble that was at least 2 stories high! It was from the demolished buildings, which looked charred in parts as I think there was a fire.

It also collected a lot of trash, and there was an old toilet sitting right on top of the rubble as if to say how this city is in the toilet or something. And it IS.

YEARS to clean up, and years still that they haven't done anything. And I really feel bad for the people in the small complexes next to this lot..

All over the city they are building high rises on very busy intersections, adding more cars and people to the corner.

Rant over for today.

[Albatross2008]

Been exercising. Probably never going to be anything other than fat, but I am getting stronger.

[Rose76]

I'm doing okay. Kind of tired, but I must get things done today.

[3rd rock]

This week has gone okay so far. I haven't felt too sick and I haven't gone back to the hospital since last Saturday night. I spoke to someone from the local mental health team and they're going to connect me with something called a 'peer support worker,' who I should hear from next week sometime. My only complaint right now is it's too hot. I have a very low tolerance for heat and I often have to run the AC even in the winter. So 21 degrees right now is way too hot for me.

I spent the morning cleaning and that's about it. I haven't been sleeping well lately.

Nothing much after that. I recently signed a lease to stay on longer. I don't like the place I live it. Well the place is OK, the neighbors are not. I've wanted to leave but I didn't line anything up. I hope I won't regret signing that lease. Funny thing is, shortly after I signed and turned in the the lease, things happened to make me feel like a made a terrible mistake.

No one has called or messaged me in a good while. Just last Wednesday I called on my old college friend to wish him a happy birthday; and that's all it's been since then.

[Rose76]

Saturday has been a good day for me. Very upbeat mood. Having trouble falling asleep now.

[Cocosurviving]

Over the last two weeks, I have tried to donate blood to the Red Cross twice. Each time, my iron was too low. I reached out to my primary physician to report and explain other symptoms. I was struggling with fatigue and procrastination, and I could feel myself slipping into depression. My primary physician ordered labs and said low iron could trigger my depression. I’ve been eating foods containing iron and hope to not need another vitamin or supplement. I learned that iron is not part of the usual autoimmune disease lab panel. I don’t understand why, since vitamin deficiency is very common among people who have immune diseases, such as myself. The standard lab panel checks for vitamin deficiencies except iron deficiency.

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[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip:

Well the place is OK, the neighbors are not. I've wanted to leave but I didn't line anything up. Funny thing is, shortly after I signed and turned in the the lease, things happened to make me feel like a made a terrible mistake.

No one has called or messaged me in a good while.

Same here. Are you referring to the first time you signed the lease or this renewal, that stuff happened that made you feel you made a mistake?

Nobody ever calls or messages me period. My phone has so many cool ringtones or emojis I'd like to use, but all I get are scammers. I gt 3-4 calls a day on my cell, hardly anything on my landline.

[3rd rock]

I just came back from the emergency room after spending a little over 24 hours there. They wanted to keep me in as an admitted patient for a few days, but I left against medical advice. I chose to do this because admitting me would've meant me sitting in a chair in the ER for 3-4 days before a bed became available, and I didn't want to do that. The reasons for this were threefold: 1, I have pets I need to arrange for their care; 2, I need to see to it that my truck is stored in a safe location, and; 3, I need to tidy up my apartment in case the manager comes in while I'm away. So I'm back at home. Things seem to be moving at a more rapid pace, and I expect to be in detox and treatment in as little as a few days. That gives me some small hope.

[jmariah001]

Depression is high right now. So much going on. My pdoc switched my anti-depressant from one med to another. It hasn't taken affect yet. I don't feel any difference. I thought about contacting 988 tonight. But I think I will wait it out. They weren't too helpful last time. I think I will just head to bed soon. I have to be up at 5:20am tomorrow. Maybe I should journal before bed. Get these dark thoughts out. I think I will do that next. Well good night.

[jaklevco]

Last time I remember feeling at least this terrible was a year ago. That time, the worst period of my life I experienced so far started

[Rose76]

Sunday and Monday were good days for me. Feel very positive.

[3rd rock]

So, when I call the detox place I'm supposed to be getting into, they tell me it's still going to be some weeks until I can get in. This is in direct contradiction to the staff at the ER who've told me I'm days away. I'm so confused and disoriented I don't know what to think or do. I recently went to the ER and they wanted to admit me, but admitting me would've meant spending 4-5 days sitting in that chair, without even a shower. I hate myself and I want to die. The wait for appropriate care feels like a ****ing lifetime when I'm struggling. I'm sorry for cursing.

[Rose76]

I'm doing very well. I have important things to work on, and I'm doing that. Pressing necessity imposes the discipline that I usually lack.

[Buffy01]

my therapist told me that I have suppressed my emotions and that I need to cry out my emotions.

I've been feeling depressed, mostly because I had turned in a signed lease for a whole year at where I live. I'm not crazy about where I am but I'm going to be here for another whole year. I guess it's my fault because I didn't line up another place to live when I had the time.

And now I just found out that a small apartment place across the street from where I live will be torn down and a larger apartment place will be built up. I guess the people living at the apartments have been evicted. So that will mean a lot of noise for the next few months or so and then there will be not enough parking for everyone in the new units. So parking is going to be a problem even more. I feel like I made a big mistake and I can't get out of it.

And I've been feeling depressed and alone a lot more so recently. It's a wonder to me that I keep my sanity.