Suggestions for depressed hubby?

My hubby is feeling down. He's bipolar. He has the classic symptoms like wanting to stay in bed and saying nothing interests him. He's walked for a few days and wants to give that up "since it didn't help." The doc is tinkering with his meds--getting him back on a certain dose of lamictal and waiting to see what happens. He's on Wellbutrin.

I tell him he MUST not stay in bed. I can't drive due to opiates and I think it helps him to do that. What do you all think? Am I right? Thanks for your help! What else can I do?

It’s hard when depression hits. I have no idea if his needing to be needed helps. I know when depression hit me I get irritated that I’m the only one my cat can rely on. I’m often remiss in emptying his cat box and once went a month not giving him his wet food because it was too much trouble. I just stayed in bed. He had his dry food but was used to wet food twice a day too. But he was a trooper about it all and just crawled in bed with me. I should state that he’s never slept with me except when I was depressed. He’s not a cuddly cat. But he did know something was wrong. I appreciated his comfort.

He needs motivation. Telling him he must get up probably won't help. Have you been cooking and serving nice meals to him? How are you getting to the store for groceries. I've been where your husband is at. Hunger sometimes gets me out of bed. I have no one to cook for me.

Think about how you may be helping him stay comfortable in his depressed state. Maybe back off of some of that. Bipolar disorder is a chronic condition. It's not his fault that he has this disorder, but it is his responsibility to work on managing his condition. That means him making a plan. He could start slow and commit to stting up for 2 hrs a day. Don't bring him meals in bed. He deserves compassion. Unfortunately, no one can fix things for him.

Maybe some Al-Anon principles would work here. Don't revolve your day around paying attention to his depression. Try to do things you enjoy. Try to get out of the house as many days as you can. Maybe ask a friend to take you somewhere. He needs to get bored with his depression. Don't overly cater to him.

Is there any 24 hour pattern to what he does? Many depressives want to sleep till late in the day, but, then, want to talk late at night. (I get that way, myself.) Try to minimize conversation after 10 p.m.

I think you have to experiment and see what helps. Ultimately, if a person wants to surrender to the depression and take a swan dive into nothingness, you are powerless to stop him. Then you decide what is best for you. It would be okay for you to say, "I'm willing to help you get through these hard days, but that means you have to be working on recovering also. Each night you need to commit to one thing you'll do the next day. We can start slow and go slow." Depression may not be a choice, but, at some point, wallowing in it is. If he had type 1 diabetes, he'ld have to do certain things to manage his disease - check his blood sugar, use insulin, stick to a food plan. Or he could ignore all that and his health would deteriorate quickly. Chronically recurring depression needs just as much vigilance and careful management. Or he can decide to be helpless. Then he's a lost cause. Life isn't fair, but it tends to reward effort. Where no effort is made, no reward will be had. Your husband is very lucky to have a loving partner wanting to be supportive. My guess is that he takes you for granted.

Depression is a very complex illness. It takes a lot of time and effort to pull yourself out of it sometimes. It could be that he needs that time to figure out what meds or what combination of treatments works best for him. However, while there are a lot of things and different treatments, this isn't something you can just fix yourself. The bottom line is that there's no amount of loving or caring about a person that would be able to just make their mental illness go away. And if you aren't a professional mental health expert, it's above your pay grade and not your responsibility. As his partner, however, you can be there for him. I don't think it always has to be a huge thing either. It could just be keeping him company, helping him maintain a clean living space, asking how he is, or making small goals together. If small things like that are all you can do, that's okay. It sounds like you already might be involved in trying to help him & be there for him in that way though.

The only other thing I can think of would be that it always helps when a loved one is struggling with something, is to do research on it. Especially with mental illness, there's a lack of knowledge and a lot of stigma. So being educated as much as you can about it can help in learning ways you might be able to support people you care about