[will19]

I did the cleaning today, despite being hot and humid. While cleaning I had constantly wiped myself off with a towel and drank a lot of cold water. I'm glad to have been able to do the job.

I haven't slept well because it's been so dang hot! Also there's soreness in my upper arm. Perhaps I might have pulled something in the middle of the night. Because it's hard to toss-and-turn in bed with being so warm and humid.

It's all got me to not feeling so well emotionally.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

To Nonightowl ---> Thank you for letting me know about the friendship mixer. It seems like it's a bit of a disappointment that you have to wait, but on the other hand, if you have reservations about going then you'd have some time to think it over. Apparently, you seem to want to go because you may have some good feelings about the other women at the Senior's Center.

About me, I've been to so many social events and ended up disappointed every time. So it makes me not interested in going to social events. I think you are brave to consider this. There's probably a good chance that some other woman may be looking for a good friend, and that could be where you come in.
I hope for the best for you at whatever comes.

If I were going to some kind of social event that sounds pretty good to me, then I would have my expectations very low. It would be good for me to do it that way because, if I get too psyched, then I'd be set up for a nose-dive in disappointments.

I guess there are a lot of times in my life right now in being alone that I don't mind that much. But still it would be nice to have someone. I'd rather be alone than with bad company, but it isn't a good option to have only. I don't like to be a real loner, either. That's the fear I have at relocating somewhere else where I don't know anyone.

Thanks Will, I’ll let you know. I don’t think there will be another one until next year. Actually I hate that place and haven’t made any true friends. Just acquaintances who stopped talking to me. I’m sick of the book club as they don’t share my tastes. And the same people dominate the discussion. Sick of my exercise class too sigh.😔 I thought I had a friend, a man, but he got the wrong idea. And he stopped talking to me when he realized I was never on the same page as him.

Thank you for saying I’m brave because I often feel chicken! 🐓 I don’t mind solitude at times because I can regroup and reflect. But not ALL the time. And it’s getting old. I have a pair of dress shoes I never wore even once. I never fathomed that in decades I wouldn’t be going out at all. I have a few women acquaintances in both groups but no friends. Friendships take effort and most people lack the emotional maturity to invest in it. Hey why don’t you come here? Anyway there’s women there I try to avoid, one other man too. The old geezers are around at that place.

I wish I could find a better place, even a better book club. But it’s walking distance from home so it’s convenient. But not great.

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[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

I did the cleaning today, despite being hot and humid. While cleaning I had constantly wiped myself off with a towel and drank a lot of cold water. I'm glad to have been able to do the job.

I haven't slept well because it's been so dang hot! Also there's soreness in my upper arm. Perhaps I might have pulled something in the middle of the night. Because it's hard to toss-and-turn in bed with being so warm and humid.

It's all got me to not feeling so well emotionally.

Same here. We are BAKING and I don’t have ac in my bedroom. I opened my window and used the window fan, plus my floor fan. Normally it feels like ac if the temps cool down at night. But it hasn’t been cooling off, even at 2am it was still 80 degrees. And I have to drag myself to the store tomorrow. I go early but still…..it heats up fast. I too drink a lot of water and sweat. I have a box wall ac in the living room but it’s just a room ac. And costly to run! Do you have an ac at all?

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[will19]

Quote from Nonightowl --->"Do you have an ac at all?

I have what appears to be a box A/C. I've never used it. I never felt the need to use it because, like you, I feel like it would be costly. And I just hate air conditioning anyways. Whenever it's really hot and humid, if I go into a supermarket, it feels nice and cool inside. But then it feels brutal when I go out.

I feel like I can wether not having an A/C running. I grew up that way.

[T4bbyCat]

Originally Posted by will19

I have what appears to be a box A/C. I've never used it. I never felt the need to use it because, like you, I feel like it would be costly. And I just hate air conditioning anyways. Whenever it's really hot and humid, if I go into a supermarket, it feels nice and cool inside. But then it feels brutal when I go out.

I feel like I can wether not having an A/C running. I grew up that way.

Similar in my case. We were told this summer would be super-hot, but it never quite materialized this year. Ironically enough, I purchased a portable AC unit at Costco because it was on a huge sale -- and haven't even unpacked it yet 😂. Maybe next summer, if global warming continues.

[nonightowl]

Will and Tabby I hear you. I never got a stand alone because it needs to vent and it could be noisy. And I don’t have anyone around anymore who could help me select the right model and install it for me. I use fans and open my window. I wear earplugs but still hear garage noise like cars and people walking by. And I get the glare from the bright security lights.

If I’m really suffering I run it on energy saving mode and no more than 2 hours. Since nobody checks on me I’ll do it if I can’t tolerate it. Years ago I ran it for 4 hours straight for 4 days. When I got my bill I never did it again. It just cools the room, not the whole apartment. My bathroom and bedroom is hot as hell. The wall unit uses a lot of energy to cool one room.

Wow Will I grew up that way too. We are of the same generation. My parents were always penny pinching and they said we couldn’t afford ac in the house nor in our cars. So I have a high tolerance for heat even if I hate it. I think it’s better to have a consistent temperature throughout my apartment than have it hot in the bedroom and cool in the living room. I was going to try sleeping on my sofa and running the ac, but it’s not nearly as comfortable as my bed.

And I’m not too crazy about ac either. When I was in high school I remember a classmate saying he didn’t like ac because it’s an unnatural cool. 45 years later I still remember that. He’s right. It’s hard to get it just right so it doesn’t feel like the North-Pole. Sometimes it’s TOO cold like at the library or the bus. I was at the grocery store this morning and it felt good, just right. My gym is cool too but like you said, it’s a shock to walk outside afterwards. I never made it to the gym Thursday and yesterday I went in the morning. Not my routine but it’s too hot to go in the afternoon.

The manager sent an email telling us to stay hydrated and careful during this extended heatwave. That was weird because that NEVER happened before! And we have had heat waves before but maybe not this extreme in years. Still I’m skeptical they really care. Are they going to pay my electric bill?

Great to have someone to talk to about it. Supposedly one more day, Monday, and it will start cooling.

The ONLY good thing is that the neighbors are quiet. Not even that little girl is riding her scooter and screaming.



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[nonightowl]

Anyone have a ceiling fan? I just remembered that they are supposed to be helpful in drawing heat up or down, depending on the direction. The newer tenants have them but I don’t. I don’t even have a ceiling fixture in the bedroom and my bed would need to be moved if they had to work in here. And I don’t want to be bothered. Both the manager and one of the maintenance guys have been snarky.

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[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by will19

I woke up feeling dreadful for today with work that's supposed to be going on around me. There work was being done today but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Some noise but not very loud like last week.

Nothing much to report about for today. Just did some shopping this morning and that's about it. I feel a bit down but not terribly depressed like last week, so that's good.

I’m glad that everything has worked out

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by will19

Another Saturday. Felt alright in the morning because of cleaning. Before cleaning, I didn't feel like doing it. I felt too down and depressed and thought I wouldn't be able to. But I went ahead anyways and glad that I did. I always want a clean place for myself, even though no one else will ever see it.

I'm feeling depressed now this afternoon. The outlook for the future looks dismal. There's going to be new developments nearby with a lot of noise and more crowds, which I'm not crazy about. My social life is terrible. and I'm stuck with all of this.

sometimes i feel like this myself.

[will19]

Originally Posted by nonightowl

Anyone have a ceiling fan? I just remembered that they are supposed to be helpful in drawing heat up or down, depending on the direction. The newer tenants have them but I don’t. I don’t even have a ceiling fixture in the bedroom and my bed would need to be moved if they had to work in here. And I don’t want to be bothered. Both the manager and one of the maintenance guys have been snarky.

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I have a ceiling fan in the living room part only. It helps a little bit. But today, being so so hot, it felt like it doesn't make much of a dent. I took a nap around 1 PM and I had the ceiling fan going and portable fan next to me. It helped but it felt like it was pushing hot air around.

We'll get through this! After all, it's happened for us before. Pretty soon it will only be a fleeting memory.

[lotusblossom19]

I just want to sleep the days away. I feel emotionally homeless, like there is no safe, gentle place for my poor heart to rest. This heart is worn out as hell. It seems that all the effort I've put into being graciously gentle to people during their bad days means absolutely nothing. Just feeling really thrown away and broken now.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

I have a ceiling fan in the living room part only. It helps a little bit. But today, being so so hot, it felt like it doesn't make much of a dent. I took a nap around 1 PM and I had the ceiling fan going and portable fan next to me. It helped but it felt like it was pushing hot air around.

We'll get through this! After all, it's happened for us before. Pretty soon it will only be a fleeting memory.

You’re right that it’s moving hot air around but at least it’s moving. It’s the oppressive feeling I hate. Oh we’ve had heat waves I know but this is extreme even for us. I’m in the Southwest US so we are known for it but it usually cools at night. At 1am it was 80 degrees and I was up for a bit.

I still remember heatwaves from 2010 and other years. I hardly slept at all so I remember that.

I think you once said you’re on the Eastcoast? And your sister is in the West. Ha ha I also took a nap as the weather makes me drowsy. Even watching tv was hard, focusing was just too much effort, so I watched something I’ve seen before.

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[will19]

Quote from Nonightowl ---> "I think you once said you’re on the Eastcoast? And your sister is in the West".

Well, it's the opposite. I'm in the West and my sister is in the East coast. However, that's where I came from originally, the East coast. My sister told me that the heat was unbearable for a while last month there. When I lived there, July was really bad for heat, humidity, and bad air. So glad I am not there anymore.

For me, as of now, I'm still dealing with the heat. When I got out of bed, it was a little bit cool which was nice. But a half hour later, I started to sweat. Lately it seems like this section has been a support for those who are going through a heat wave. Kind of reminds me of the holidays when we need support because we're either alone or having a bad time.

And I really do get depressed on these kind of hot days. I don't sleep well and not feel great. It's equivalent to getting into something that's not working out well and being hollered at constantly.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

Quote from Nonightowl ---> "I think you once said you’re on the Eastcoast? And your sister is in the West".

Well, it's the opposite. I'm in the West and my sister is in the East coast. However, that's where I came from originally, the East coast. My sister told me that the heat was unbearable for a while last month there. When I lived there, July was really bad for heat, humidity, and bad air. So glad I am not there anymore.

For me, as of now, I'm still dealing with the heat. When I got out of bed, it was a little bit cool which was nice. But a half hour later, I started to sweat. Lately it seems like this section has been a support for those who are going through a heat wave. Kind of reminds me of the holidays when we need support because we're either alone or having a bad time.

And I really do get depressed on these kind of hot days. I don't sleep well and not feel great. It's equivalent to getting into something that's not working out well and being hollered at constantly.

I guess I recalled it wrong, lol. It was months ago at least and I thought you said you were in the Boston area. I guess it was that you were FROM that area.

It was okay when I got up, as the air finally cooled to 75 degrees, but it started warming up fast. I was up late again and I dreaded going to bed.

I like that your thread is moving and it feels supportive and interactive. I used to have 3 "check-in" threads in my subscriptions, from 3 different forums. But only one of them had people posting in them. I don't know why nobody posts in the other 2. There are multiple threads on things like what are you feeling or thinking about, and I don't know which one to follow.
Or post in?

I had to pick up a ticket for that friendship mixer at the senior center and I decided to jump on the computer for a bit. Nice and cool here, but walking outside is going to kill me. It turns out there is no waiting list and the newsletter was wrong, which it often is. So I'll be going to the one on 9/26 Thursday. There's 35 people already on the list.

Originally Posted by lotusblossom19

snip: It seems that all the effort I've put into being graciously gentle to people during their bad days means absolutely nothing. Just feeling really thrown away and broken now.

I can relate to putting effort into giving to people and it isn't reciprocated. So I know how that feels.

[will19]

Quote from Nonightowl ---> "So I'll be going to the one on 9/26 Thursday. There's 35 people already on the list".


I'm glad to hear that you're planning to go to the friendship mixer.

As for me right now, I'm still trying to cope with the heat. It's a little bit better but not much. Also I plan to workout with my band resistance exercises (here at home) soon. I'll get my playlist ready.

I went to the store to pick up a couple of things around 9 this morning. I got talking to one of the clerks (whom I like a lot) and he told me that, a couple of days ago, one of the employees felt faint after working with the flowers on display outside of the store from the heat.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

Quote from Nonightowl ---> "So I'll be going to the one on 9/26 Thursday. There's 35 people already on the list".


I'm glad to hear that you're planning to go to the friendship mixer.

As for me right now, I'm still trying to cope with the heat. It's a little bit better but not much. Also I plan to workout with my band resistance exercises (here at home) soon. I'll get my playlist ready.

I went to the store to pick up a couple of things around 9 this morning. I got talking to one of the clerks (whom I like a lot) and he told me that, a couple of days ago, one of the employees felt faint after working with the flowers on display outside of the store from the heat.

I'll let you know how it goes.

This heat is supposed to start letting up today and I hope they are right. I don't sleep well when it's hot. I did use my a/c a bit last night while watching TV as it got too hot. My building is made like a concrete canyon, just holding in the heat.

And I found out pillows soak in heat like a sponge. One of my pillows felt like a heating pad, but thankfully another one was cooler. It has feathers in it. I needed a pillow as the surface was too hard without one.

Oh I believe it about the employee feeling faint. I can't believe our building manager would actually care about us enough to send a weather alert. It's all they talk about on TV and I get alerts on my phone. Plus I don't need to be told it's hot.

One of my favorite cashiers at the store had surgery in early June and said she'd be back in a month. Now it's been over 3 months and I hope she's doing okay esp. in this heat. I think she also hates the heat.

[will19]

Originally Posted by lotusblossom19

I just want to sleep the days away. I feel emotionally homeless, like there is no safe, gentle place for my poor heart to rest. This heart is worn out as hell. It seems that all the effort I've put into being graciously gentle to people during their bad days means absolutely nothing. Just feeling really thrown away and broken now.

Yea, this. I feel exactly the same way. I feel homeless on the inside and wonder what's the meaning of existence or going on (not feeling suicidal at all). I've been retired for three years and I find myself not doing much. When I was working, it felt the same. I don't have much going for me socially. At times I feel OK because I like having alone times but then I feel bad about it. And I can feel guilty for not trying to do something about it.

It's natural for me to feel like the outside is not safe and against me. It can be hostile, while at the same time, I feel like a "sore thumb"; like no one out there feels the same as I do.

Now that I'm older, I feel like life is going to be disappointments, let-downs, and sorrows. Those gloomy occurrences seem like they'd be more common than joyful times. The joyful times do not seem to linger on for a long time. Every morning when I get up, I feel like my world will be coming to an end. But then I feel better after breakfast.

[will19]

Good news and bad news for now. The good news is that the heat is subsiding a bit, but still uncomfortable. It's supposed to end soon Another thing (and that's a good news-bad news item) is that the stairway is finally being worked on after a month of being closed. That's the good news. The bad news is that (as you might have guessed) there's excessive noise. It's outside of my bedroom window and door and there's going to be noise coming from power tools. I don't know how long this will take. It was proposed that the stairway was going to be redone a couple of years ago, but it never happened.

This year, so far, has been pretty good from the beginning. And then, starting in June, it went south. Mainly because of all kinds of construction projects with noises that come with it. Plus having to put up with the hot weather.

I hope this project with the stairway won't take long. There's another stairway at my place and it got worked on a couple of years ago. It took two to three months to complete, but they did it during the winter months when it rained a lot - causing delays.

Noises and heat causes my depression to go up.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip: When I was working, it felt the same. I don't have much going for me socially. At times I feel OK because I like having alone times but then I feel bad about it. And I can feel guilty for not trying to do something about it.

Now that I'm older, I feel like life is going to be disappointments, let-downs, and sorrows.

I didn’t really want to retire but there’s no “senior friendly” jobs out there. I can’t work in an Amazon warehouse, drive all day for Uber or stand and walk 8 hours or even 4, while being cheerful and friendly. I feel I haven’t done much with my life or don’t know what to do with the rest of it. I’ve done enough volunteering and want to feel useful. I’m not suicidal either but life is getting so hard with nobody around.

I’m so used to nobody talking to me that I got overwhelmed when the exercise instructor shot all these questions at me. I decided to try the Silver Sneakers class at the gym which I haven’t been to in 7 or 8 years. She approached me after class, introducing herself as she noticed I’m new. She also asked how did I like it, what am I looking for, etc.

I’m not used to anyone asking me anything. I didn’t tell her this but some of it was too easy some too hard. It’s supposed to be for “older” adults. There’s a different instructor on Thursday so someday I’ll try that. I was so sick of my gym routine but I don’t like middle of the day workouts. And this class has always been at 11am.

Originally Posted by will19

snip: The bad news is that (as you might have guessed) there's excessive noise. It's outside of my bedroom window and door and there's going to be noise coming from power tools. I don't know how long this will take. It was proposed that the stairway was going to be redone a couple of years ago, but it never happened.

Noises and heat causes my depression to go up.

Oh Will, I hear you and am sorry. We are both sound sensitive I know. There’s a lot of roadwork on my block and the next, the power company is doing something in the alley. And the technology company next to us is doing something to their satellites.

It seems they always do $hit in the summer because of the long days and weather. They are painting the awnings and stairwells in my building. It’s not near me but it’s near others and I feel for them. But they are renting to more and more young people and they go out a lot. So they can escape it but I hear it. You’re right the heat is letting up thankfully.

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[nonightowl]

Will I forgot to say something and am making a new post since I noticed you already read the previous one.

At least the instructor in the class appeared to be in her 50’s at least and not a 20 something woman. The class had just one man. I’ll try the other instructor eventually but I don’t like disrupting my routine, yet at the same time I’m bored with it. I’m too tired now for anything except laundry so at least it’s cooling off.

Do you workout in the morning or afternoon? Same time or around the same time?

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