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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: a place far away
Posts: 886
6 1,060 hugs
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#81
I'm sad, but don't really know why. Its all encompassing. I was writing some poetry and that set it off. All the memories and regrets came rushing back to me. I'm afraid of losing people even if there's no reason to worry.
I'm thinking the answer, for me, is to help others, somehow. I need to feel needed. __________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.... |
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 566
5 6,118 hugs
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#82
I've hit a bit of a roadblock with this chapter. I started it three days ago and I set a self-imposed deadline of today. But it's likely to take another two days. I've set a revised goal of 50,000 words before I enter residential treatment, which should happen over the next 2-3 weeks. I'm at nearly 30,000 words, and with little else to do during the days I should be able to reach it.
Until then, I'm very sad every now and then. It comes on randomly and it strikes very hard. I feel so alone. I crave emotional intimacy and real relationships, but I am incapable of achieving them. It has been a very long time since I was in anything that remotely resembled a relationship or had any friends. I am hopelessly inadequate compared to everyone around me; what they seem to manage so effortlessly is impossible for me. Everyone else seems to be able to scale the tallest mountains with ease, while I'm all but completely incapable of walking up a gently-sloped hill. And there's no way this is ever going to change. |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,071
16 7,505 hugs
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#83
Quote:
![]() It’s the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night sometimes. I feel so vulnerable and the more I try not to think about it, the more I think about it. ![]() ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ ![]() ![]() Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,695
11 1,210 hugs
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#84
Yesterday morning I felt depressed when I first got out of bed. But then I felt better when fixing breakfast. But while I was fixing breakfast I picked up something from the floor to throw away and then my lower back hurt. That sunk my mood way down. The back pain remained for the rest of the day and night.
This morning the pain is still there but not as bad. I'm still having it late this afternoon but I think it could get better by tomorrow. I cleaned, this morning, despite having the back pain. I felt depressed in the afternoon. Someone, this afternoon I spoke to, reminded me that I don't do much with my life - like trying new things. It made me feel bad talking about it. I don't know why people have to be insensitive. When having depression, I don't feel like trying new things. Besides, I have tried new things and it all didn't work out. |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,071
16 7,505 hugs
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#85
Quote:
![]() And I’ve had people tell me what I should do or judge me without knowing me at all and the kinds of experiences I’ve had. Many years ago when I was volunteering at the library, another volunteer who was much older actually said to me “You are a young woman. Why are you doing all this volunteering? You should be working.” Note the word “should” which has negative connotations. I was literally too shocked and speechless to respond. I mean that someone would say that to someone else, if they know them or not. I was doing it to feel productive and a part of something since I couldn’t find work. But that’s not her business. I’m such a different person now that if that happens now, I wouldn’t mince words believe me. Been through some real bs , to h e l l and back and still find hellish situations. Anyway I’d ask how is this your business. Efffing people. And like you I’ve tried things and they didn’t pan out the way I hoped. Right now I’m out of gas and just surviving. I need structure and familiarity since I’ve had so much turmoil in my life. ![]() ![]() ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ ![]() ![]() Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,695
11 1,210 hugs
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#86
I thought that today would be an OK or nice day. It didn't turn out that way. Instead it turned out to be a bad day. I always try to be positive and optimistic but it never seems to work. Oh well!
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,603
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13 5,459 hugs
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#87
I'm being very lazy. It feels like depression minus the usual sadness. I better fight it, or soon the sadness will kick back in, and I'll feel really awful.
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,071
16 7,505 hugs
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#88
Quote:
![]() I read a couple of books about relentless positivity and found it’s more “real” to accept and validate my feelings. And that feelings aren’t positive or negative, good or bad. They just are what they are. It takes more energy to try to be “positive” than it does to just feel and accept the “negative” feeling. Note that I’m not telling you how to feel! ![]() ![]() ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ ![]() ![]() Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,695
11 1,210 hugs
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#89
Quote from Nonightowl - "It doesn’t help that every holiday we have begins with “happy”, implying one is supposed to be cheerful. And here comes Happy Fourth of July".
Just yesterday someone told me "Happy Father's Day". I never had any kids! Geez! |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,603
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,459 hugs
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#90
I have spent the whole day looking at stuff online. I don't like being this way.
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Member
Member Since May 2024
Location: France
Posts: 35
24 hugs
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#91
I feel horrible today, i have way too many things to do / on my plate and i really feel like it's too hard and i can't handle it. I'm alone and i just don't see a point to anything at this point.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,695
11 1,210 hugs
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#92
I felt like I squandered the day today. I didn't do much. There were a few things I wanted to pick up at the stores but I decided not to go because I got a good parking spot outside of where I live, and tomorrow, the parking spaces across the street will all be closed because of some kind of work by the utility company. It's only for a day - says the "no parking" signs put up.
I'm feeling alone and forgotten. |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,603
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,459 hugs
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#93
I wasted another day. I've been vegetating all day waiting for inspiration to strike me.
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 566
5 6,118 hugs
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#94
While I was in the hospital on the psychiatric ward, I told the psychiatrist about the novel I'm writing. And she vaguely approved of it, however she cautioned me, because she said often people who are depressed or otherwise mentally ill write about stories and characters that reflect their mental illness and she doesn't think it's a good idea to wallow in it like that. I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist of what she said. It's true the main character of my novel is somewhat depressed and severely anxious socially, and his family life resembles mine when I was a teenager. But you know, I have to write what I know. I can't write anything else. And my writing is the only thing that gives my any hope for the future. So I have to continue to write this.
I still have not gotten into treatment. It'll probably be another couple of weeks or so. I'll have to contact my NP to g et prescriptions soon. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,956
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#95
![]() ![]() ![]() __________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,071
16 7,505 hugs
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#96
Quote:
I went to the grocery store last Sunday and the Father’s Day stuff was at the front of the store. Cards, balloons and gift ideas. I know it’s the commercialization but it still hurts. ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ ![]() ![]() Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,071
16 7,505 hugs
given ![]() |
#97
Quote:
![]() ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ ![]() ![]() Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2024
Location: In the southern United States
Posts: 346
99 hugs
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#98
I wrestled with some ductwork yesterday in the basement, so now I'm struggling with pain. I just noticed @nonightowl that your location is TARDIS. Is that for Time and Relative Dimensions in Space, that is, Transcendentally Dimensional -Doctor Who? I used to have a PO box at Dragon Con in Atlanta, as I was there so often. The only thing larger than the inside of that would be my nerdiness.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,695
11 1,210 hugs
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#99
Today was a dull and uneventful day. The whole day seemed to drag on. The utility workers came this morning but about three hours later than what was posted on the "no parking" signs.
I have a lot to do tomorrow, so I plan to be busy for most of the morning. i hope that the things I have planned to do will go well. |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,071
16 7,505 hugs
given ![]() |
#100
Quote:
Quote:
![]() ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ ![]() ![]() Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Thread | Forum | |||
Daily check in thread: Ups & Downs #31 | Depression | |||
Daily Check In — Ups and Downs Thread 13 | Depression | |||
Daily Check In — Ups and Downs Thread 12 | Depression | |||
Daily Check In — Ups and Downs Thread 8 | Depression | |||
Daily Check In — Ups and Downs Thread 7 | Depression |