[antia]

Hi everyone!!! I'm new member, on this forum!!!

My problem is my courage.. I have a boyfriend and I love him very very much, but a few weeks ago he has tell me that he was sleeping with some other girl , he tels me that he was drunk and that still loves me too. I have try to forget that but I can't, just pain deep inside me don't let me to do this... I don't know, how to brake this agony, I wont to forget, but I can't. I don't have any courage to live with that...

Did anybody know what can I do to go away from this depression??? Thanks for help!!!!

[Cyran0]

Antia, I think you're being too hard on yourself. It's unlikely that you'll just forget about this or suddenly get over it. You were betrayed and that hurts. You need to give yourself time to recover and your boyfriend, if he truly loves you, will humbly accept that.

You may want to consider couples counseling. Your relationship took quite a serious blow and the issues that now hang in the air between you two should be addressed.

Cyran0

[gordian_knot]

A relationship can survive adultery, but only under certain circumstances. Having an affair - just one, mind you - can be a big roadblock, but you may be able to go around it if you first answer these two questions:
<ul type="square">[*]Do you feel as if you can forgive him for his betrayal, and [*]Do you think there's a possibility that you can trust him again?[/list]Notice I didn't say anything about love. You say you love him, and I believe you. But the lack of forgiveness and trust will erode away your love over time, and you'll be even more depressed than you are now.

If you can't forgive him, you'll always resent him for what he did, you're inviting years of misery, and you should end your relationship now. If you can't trust him, you'll doubt him and worry every time he leaves the house, and you're inviting years of misery, and you should end the relationship now.

The person who knows you the best... is you. Right now, with your raw hurt, you might not be able to answer those two questions. So give yourself a month. No longer. That's long enough for the initial shock to fade and settle into the new reality of your relationship. By then, you must be able to honestly answer those two questions.

If you can answer "yes" to both, then you and your boyfriend may be able to repair your relationship and move forward. But if you answer "no" to any one of the two questions... well, you asked what you can do to go away from this depression. If you answer "no" and stay with him, your depression will never ever go away. If you answer "no" and leave him, your pain will fade, and you'll learn to have a normal, happy life again.

But if you decide to stay and he has a second affair, though - drunk or not - all bets are off, and you need to DTMFA. (That's "Dump the melon farmer already", the PG-rated version).

If you're interested in some blunt, honest relationship advice, check out the Savage Love Podcast . In particular, click here for Episode 73 in which Dan Savage answers a phone call from a girl who was cheated on.

Above all, don't wait too long to make a decision so that both of you can move on with your lives. And be happy again.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

Welcome to PC! A number of things about your situation concern me. The reality is that we teach other people how to treat us, if you accept this now it will on a certain level become "okay" behavior in your relationship. This kind of careless sexual activity is how diseases are spread...stuff that ajax wont wash off that might even kill you! I would venture that somewhere in your mind you know all of these things, but somehow have trouble standing up for yourself and your best interests.I would start by kicking this loser to the curb and taking a good long look at myself and where I'm headed in life! make some good decisions for YOU! you'll feel empowered by doing whats best for you and the depression will leave.

[antia]

Thanks four your patience and hints!!! I have decided, I braked this relationship for now, I need time to think about everything, because I can't understand him... Why he do it? I gave my best for that love... And he was good for me, he is always here when I need him. He is so tender, he gives me very much love, i feel that... This is the reason because I don't understand him... WHY?!

I must work and concentrate on my study now, and think about myself... Maybe I need 2 or 3 mounts of more to forget this. If is truth that he loves me much like he sad, she will wait for me...

[katheryn]

it takes time but you never forget, you have to choose how you are going to carry on with the relationship, if you forgive him it will take both of you to rebuild your trust in him

it can be done but you both need to want to do this

the hurt will ease but its going to take time

good luck

((((((((((((((antia))))))))))))

welcome to the site