[Wants2Fly]

The good news is that I’ve had a very productive week as the higher dose of Effexor kicked in. I got out more resumes on M & Tu this week than I usually do in a whole week. I hand-delivered two of them, in full job search regalia, make-up and all, on Monday. I’ve been pushing myself to get up by 7 or 8 a.m., and not to stay up until the wee hours, though sometimes my body/mind is not so cooperative with that. I went out in the evening TWICE this week, both time to spiritually related events.

The bad news is that today I am exhausted. I've decided to apply for SSDI and see if I qualify. I've heard it can be a grueling bureaucratic process and be very hard to get. I decided to start the weekend early, and let myself sleep late. Fatigue crushes in upon me, and I worry that this will turn into a full-scale slide back into depression. That the Effexor will stop working, as Prozac once did. Good thing I will see my T later today to talk about this.

Since I started posting on this forum a few months ago, the people who visit here have become very real to me, and the forum has become an important part of my life. I count on posts from frequent visitors, and when someone vanishes, my feelings of concern are just as real to me as if I’d known them face-to-face.

I started posting as I was going through a very bad trough of depression. I think it got worse between the beginning of the summer and a few weeks ago, when I started with a new physician and a new therapist. A number of people have observed that moving to a city where I KNEW NO ONE was a way of isolating myself from everything familiar. As well as making an effort to start a new life. No decision of importance in our lives is ever the result of a single factor, but is a complex of experiences and emotions and rational factors.

I thought my old T was too soft, but it turns out my new T is just as comforting, urging me not to beat myself up so much. You may have needed this time to be alone and grieve, he says; you lost a lot.

At any rate, this group online has been a primary support for me during this lonely, painful time. In fact, I am even concerned that I count on it too much. The weekend is coming; many will be too busy to post. I check frequently – because what I’m saying is that this forum has become a major element of social connection for me. The thought that there will be fewer around makes me sad. Maybe that’s not so good. So – I’m looking for input on my concern. Am I over-relying on virtual connection too much? How can I tell?

And I thank you all for being here for me, and others, and Dr. John for sponsoring this important online support.

Peace and blessings.

[silver_queen]

Hi Wants2fly. I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting a lot of support from online friends. Often it is best to get support from people who don't know you personally, because they can be less judgemental and more impartial. When I was very depressed, I spent as much time as I could getting support online, and for a long time after that I spent most of my day online. It's only recently that I've begun to live a life away from the computer.
So if you need support, and you find that support from your online life - then yes, stay connected. The only danger that I can see is that you get too involved with your online friends and neglect your friends and family in real life, and therefore isolate potential helpers. I too know what it is like to know there are certain times when you feel lonely in real life - for you, you find it is the weekend. So then, how about seeing it as some personal time to spend on yourself? Rent videos, spend time exercising, visit local attractions, spend time with family, etc. Only a suggestion, since I don't know your personal circumstances...

[PlanningtoLive]

Sometimes the ones online provide more support and caring than those in 3D.

Glad your meds are working!

{{{{{Wants2Fly}}}}}}}}}

[Myzen]

Hi Wants2Fly

I'm very interested in what you say in your post. I recently moved to a new town, spend quite some time with online discussions and go out infrequently in the evenings, almost always to spiritual or therapeutic events. My wife works but I came out of teaching through ill health and I like to spend time in my own company, out cycling etc.

It was a nasty bereavement that finally did for me, and since then I have been looking after myself pretty carefully. I think I am finally coming through the emotional storm.

Your point about relying on virtual reality. You know, in some ways I think that online communities are more real than real ones, because we can say deep stuff with less embarrassment when we are not face to face, and there is no fear of gossip as we have protected identities. Like you say, it's a primary support and I am glad it's there.

I am new on this particular board, but I hope to stick around for a while. I don't see why not.

Good luck

[Wants2Fly]

Thanks, all. I often spend Sundays going to open houses and scoping out the RE market -- but it's become something of a "job" rather than a recreation. Exercise would be good. I need that. Maybe a movie or video. Or reading a bit.