Struggling with my stinkin' thinkin'

Hi y'all -- Yesterday was a bummer, and it affecting my thinking today very negatively.

I started looking for an apartment and called on a bunch and NO ONE called backed. Not even a rental agency. Aren't they in business to do exactly that????

On the spur of the moment, I had a chance to see a TH in this neighborhood. I locked myself out of the apartment, and I had to sit on a hard bench on the front porch and wait 4 hours until my landlord got home from work to let me in. Nextel had the # of exactly ONE locksmith, and he was busy. I couldn't drive anywhere bec. The Club was on the steering wheel, and -- you guessed it-- the key was on the keyring in the house.
I became dehydrated in the heat and started feeling ill.

The RE estate agent, about 12 yrs older than I am, asked a Q about my life here, and when the answer was -- recently divorced, wanted new live -- she asked if I was making friends. Nope. The Lecture about getting out, taking a job that "might not be what you're used to," volunteering, getting active in church. Do I look that pitiful that a complete stranger feels I need her compassion? For which I should be grateful, right? And I am, in a way, but it does point out how miserable my life is.

I took my meds that make me drowsy early, but I still didn't get to sleep til 3 a.m. And I woke up feeling like it is just too darn much struggle to be alive. And if the whole purpose of our life on Earth is to become aware of the illusion of life and the Truth of our oneness with God, then, hey, bring on the Truth and take the illusion away entirely bec. I am tired of it!!!!!!!!

sorry, didn't we sit together on that curb? funny we didn't see each other. sigh. I am trying TRYING to know that the reason we are here is to allow God's love to find us... or something like that (stinkin thinkin's got me too) Wouldn't it just be easier for him to SHOW us love rather than all these trials to PROVE his love? sigh.