[Melpomene]

I'm going to be talking to the dotor about how agressive the pill makes me.

Maybe I should mention my depression and suggest I need councelling.

This rage has to come from somewhere.

And if I'm self-harmind I sorta need help.

I think.

I say this now, but when it comes down to it, will I be my usual cowardly self?

Maybe I'll get my mum to speak to the doctor, and tell them about my self-harming when My mum's gone out the room.

Why can't someone coem along and burst this 'bubble'.

And by bubble, I don't mean a bubble of happiness. It's the one where no one can enter and nothing feels real.

Maybe some of you will know what I mean.

I really don't write things very well when I feel numb, do I?

[AAAAA]

(((((Melpomene))))) I know how hard it is, but your doctor can only help you if you’re honest with him. If that means having mom come in and tell him the things you can’t, please do. Whatever it takes to help you get through this!

[Melpomene]

I suppose I do need to try harder some. It's just, I've always been reticent. Talking to people has always been hard because for a long time I had no one to talk to. But I think this is something I need to do without my mum, so I'll tell my mum that I'm gunna go in alone when we go to talk about wether to come off the pill because it makes me aggressive, and I'll talk to her then. Maybe about getting councelling.

People are worried about me, and I don't like that.

[Christina86]

((((((((((Melpomene)))))))))))))

If you think you need counselling, go for it! You deserve help.

I know all about the bubble. It's a hard thing to pop too.

You write well. When's the doctors appt?

[Melpomene]

July 7th.

Day after my prom.

thankyou.

I just need to get my 'strength' up to say it.

[Christina86]

Congrats on your grad then.

If you can't say it, perhaps you can write it as a note, then she can read it? It can be a straightforward as you want then, and you won't be as nervous. (Although doctors can make even me nervous, and I see a LOT of them)

[Melpomene]

Ah, I'd feel stupid giving her a note. I'll say it, and I'll talk it over with my mum before we go in, and hope she doesn't ask any questions I don't want my mum to hear the answers to.

Asking her to leave the room would mean she'd know anyhow.

But I need it, so I will do it.

[Melpomene]

Bad day today T_T.

Feel bad.

Blood test on Thursday. I actually think I'll be disappointed if my depression is caused my Anemia. It's been defining me for so long, even before I diagnosed myself.

And i'm gunna see the doctor about it anyway, so eiter way, I'm probably gunna change.

And I won't know me anymore. Dunno if I knew me in the first place.

So, I'm gunna change @_@