[BlackTears]

First thank you to all of you who have responded to my message. It was nice to read. Im not ready yet to fully disclose my entire history on things that have happend to me growing up on here yet. But I will give a little insight to answer my replys...Ive been to the drs and I have a therapist whom i dont see like i should but to be honest sometimes its embarassing and painful to talk about what has brought me to where I am today. My beautiful girls are 6 and 2.. I dont have postpartum. I have buried things as a child that just never completely went away but I had control of until I had my first child then due to postpartum just snuck up on me and have not been able to get it under control since. Medication have been on two anti depressants but neither have helped and so I havnt been back to try another. My pain is deep and though I know whats wrong and that I should go back and try a third but I am a weak person and to be honest I am scared of everything.. Always afraid of what people think of me and how they judge me.. No body knows the real me and sometimes I think no body will ever know the real me......

(((((((((((((((((((blacktears))))))))))))))))

This is like reading my story..... exactly the same .... i kept it in until i had my daughter ..... postnatal depression took a hold badly ..... therapy, wrong sort ..... son ..... post natal depression, suicidal, noone understood me ..... got on with life right up until my daughter was 17, son 15 .... now depression, ptsd, anxiety, insomnia, disossiative amnesia ..... it does get better hon, with a good t, support and plenty of talking .... when you are more comfortable here maybe you will be able to post andhavegood support from people who have been through the same as yourself. It really helps journaling, good days, bad days, write your troubles down ..... sometimes i feel people dont understand me, but it's getting better and better, you too will find healing and less depressed as time goes on with the right help..

Good luck and please feel free to pm me anytime.... gentle hugs, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxo